Day Two...

Day two greeted me with feeling, physically, not too bad. I still have some cramping of course and the location in the top of my hand, where they placed the IV, is bruised from the middle of my hand to my wrist. I think the extra sleep that I've been able to get has certainly helped. Thanks to the "great flood of '09", my mom "got" to stay here for longer than planned since she couldn't drive home yesterday which means, more sleep for me. So, that has been a little blessing whether (or should I say weather?) she thinks so or not.

The thing that I was dreading (amongst others of course) and hoping to avoid, seems to be happening anyway. It feels like my milk is starting to come in. Yes, another "fun" thing that you don't always hear about. Hopefully it won't be full force like it was after I delivered Eli but at least I know how to deal with it if it does. Limited fluids, Benadryl and no hot showers seem to be the biggest help. Only problem is the Benadryl makes me sleepy and showers are my only option right now and I hate cold showers. *Sigh* I'll figure something out. Thankfully, the phantom kicks and flutters have decreased a bit.

I did get out and get some fresh air today which was nice. Not too long, that's for sure but since it was finally dry, no snow, no rain, we decided to walk the property a bit. The kids loved getting out and though my ears got cold and I went at my own pace, it was a nice change from being cooped up.

The emotional healing process seems to be going as well as I could expect. I've been looking at a few pieces online where I could include both boys and I think, as soon as I decide exactly the wording I'm happy with, I'll order something. I've also started thinking about getting my body back in shape, when I get the ok, so I feel better about myself. I already know that it feels horrible carrying around extra emotional weight, I don't need any extra physical weight. As far as what the future holds, obviously, I have no idea.

A few "interesting" things from yesterday...

On our way to the hospital, we drove directly under a huge bright rainbow and on the way home, under a double rainbow. I try not to read too much into things or look extra hard for 'signs' but that one was impossible to ignore.

As I was checking into the Short Stay Unit, the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor, who we just saw last week and told us everything was perfect, walked past and took a double take when we made eye contact. After telling my mom this, she said that his office had called the house about 45 minutes later "with my numbers". Mom explained the situation and the nurse said that I can call at any time, without a referral, and they will get me in for more testing, talking, discussing etc. I still need to decide if I will take them up on it but I might and it feels good? that there is another door that has opened.

We did choose to have pathology reports run again on Collin. Though I don't have a whole lot of hope for answers, I also know that I wouldn't get them if I didn't ask. So, this at least gives us an opportunity to see if they can find anything. But, considering he was "perfect" they day before his heart stopped, I'm not holding my breath.

I can tell that I'm still kind of going through the motions and that things will continue to hit me in waves but, at least I'm prepared for it. It's harder when you have a bunch of time and don't know which direction you want to go. But I have the time so I need to decide what to do with it.