Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas Eve!

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,

all the creatures were still stirring, probably even a mouse.

The children were (almost) nestled all snug in their beds!

Wearing new jammies after washing their heads...

Day Two...

Day two of our travels took us from Missoula, MT to Billings, MT (basically). The morning started with a little bit of pamper time for me - hair cut and color from Jim's cousin. That is always the fastest two hours when we can just chat and not worry about any one listening since she opened the salon just for us!

When I got back to the house we said our goodbyes and loaded into the van and hit the road! There's a bison farm along the way but it was snowing so hard it was tough to get a good pic.

Rylan, once again, was thrilled with the train tracks on his side of the car.
There were SO many bald eagles through about a 5 mile stretch. It was still snowing hard so I think that pushed them down into the trees, this one was working on a fresh catch from the river.

These were just two, of the five in this tree.

Once we got a couple hours east, the snow stopped and it was easier to see.

More trains for the little guy.

Continental Divide, getting closer!

One of the neat old buildings west of Bozeman, took this one while I was chatting with my mom on the phone... multitasking!

One last shot on the east side of Bozeman Pass. Not too much later, the sun was down and we were driving in the dark again.

This leg of the trip is usually 5 hours. And wouldn't you know it... we pulled out of Missoula at exactly 1 pm and hit the Laurel exit at 6 pm! It was so nice to be able to, safely, travel along at 75-77 mph for the majority of the trip.

Grandma has had some fun things planned for the kids. They've been baking, to Build A Bear, Chuck E Cheese, out to lunch, eye exams (and yah, it was of course mommy who need the new Rx... again, their vision is great!), Zoo Lights and right now they are out delivering plates of the goodies that they made and cards that Karleigh drew to the neighbors! They're having a great time and are very excited for tomorrow!

14 hours!!!

Our trip to Montana started out sketchy. This is the view out our front porch the day before we left and it continued to snow all night long. This may not be a shocking sight to most but in the Pacific Northwest, this equals a lot of snow. We can only imagine how much is at the house now since it was dark when we left and this was before the "big" storm!

Since we left our home at 5:52 am (yawn!) it was a bit nerve-wracking. We needed chains on the van just to get out of the driveway and down the hill. Jim was able to take them off about 6 miles from the house and just take it slow the rest of the way. We got to Gresham, OR - only about 25 miles from our house and the wind started to howl. We also saw the big rigs lined up and chaining up on the side of the road under the first warning sign about hazardous travel. At that, we decided to stop in Troutdale, grab a back-up pair of chains (you can never be too prepared) and wait for it to get a bit lighter before we hit the restricted travel areas... that was a smart choice.

Multnomah Falls was flowing but slowly and all the other falls around it, through the gorge, were frozen.

Hummm, thanks for the warning... ICE.

This is what I-84 looked like just outside Cascade Locks... 30 mph was pretty much the top speed.

The kids thought the frozen waterfalls through the gorge were super cool.

Look! The sun did try to come out. If you've never seen the size of these wind turbines, each of the blades is longer than an extra-long tractor trailer!
Some mule deer on the side of the freeway.
Rylan was pleased as punch to see all the trains through the gorge but sadly, he wouldn't sleep for fear of missing some.

... and then it turned into a game where I had to take a picture of the trains we saw.
Ummm, burrr. This was mid-day in eastern Washington... with the sun shining!

The colors as we approached Spokane were really cool.
Shortly after Spokane, the sun went down. For those of you who know this route... remember we left the house at 5:52 am. We arrived in Missoula, MT at a little after 9:00 pm their time. That adds up to 14 hours in the car. The trip usually takes us 8 hours!

Needless to say, once we got there we had a very tired Jim and a very happy Carson. (Jim's cousins' 8 1/2 year old son)

This is the re-cap of our first leg of our trip. It was a nervous trip but the kids did great when they needed to. We tried to keep away from the crazy drivers and were very thankful to make it in one piece especially since we came up on 3 vehicles that had slammed guard-rails and spun across the road mere minutes before we drove by. Though it was a cold, snowy trip, the places that we were most nervous about weren't nearly that big a deal. It's funny, once you get on the other side of the Cascades, the snow issue is a whole different ball game. When we were driving around Missoula we didn't even hardly think about the fact that the streets weren't plowed!

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas...

Yes, it is beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here. This is the scene that we awoke to this morning, and frankly a lighter version of what we went to sleep to! If you notice, it's the winter version of Eli's garden! It snowed all day and it's dumping on us again. Jim has never taken a sick day from work but he does take the occasional weather day, and today was one of those days. He did take the van for a test drive and had to chain up to get home so, that's where he stayed thankfully. Oh, and I didn't end up going to my OB appointment either but I checked on the little one and he/she is still alive with a heart rate of about 173 bpm this morning.

Not only is it beginning to look like Christmas outside, but inside as well. Only, it's not that decked halls, cookies baking in the kitchen look. It's the gifts boxed up, emergency kit assembled, clean laundry and half packed suitcases all over. Nice. I cannot leave the house a mess so any time that we leave for a little while, I'm like a crazy person. This year however, I just haven't felt good from the nasty virus that I am still trying to kick and I've had a headache (feels like a stress headache) for the last two or three days which makes it hard to do much... which stresses me out even more. Speaking of stressing out, I thought I was going to lose my mind when I thought about packing for a week. I can still wear one pair of my jeans (eeep) but they don't feel good at all. I had just done some clothes shopping the week before Eli's heart stopped so I knew that I had an outfit upstairs in my drawer but it was like my own little mini jack pot when I opened the drawer. I actually have three pair of pants that fit now and I can just continue to wear some of my looser fitting shirts. Sure, it's not enough to get me through a week but I can do laundry.

Speaking of Eli... one of my girlfriends sent us a Christmas card today and in it was the most perfect little silver angel ornament. I've wanted to get one for Eli but haven't been able to make myself do it. What a wonderful gift! Jim hung it right near the top of our tree right out front and the crystal on it catches the light just perfectly!

We'll be heading out e.a.r.l.y. Saturday morning and heading towards Montana via the Columbia Gorge. We are hoping to get out in front of the next nasty snow/ice (yay!) storm that they are predicting for this area later that day and into Sunday. We'll be going as far as Missoula and staying with Jim's aunt and uncle which is such a warm and relaxing stop. Then Sunday morning I have my own personal "beauty" appointment set up. Karleigh may join me and Jessie may trim her hair while mine sits and then we'll be on to Billings. Hopefully we'll get to grab some national championship Griz gear while we're there... the game is tomorrow in Chattanooga (Mel!) so GO GRIZ! And please keep us in your thoughts and prayers for a safe trip. Jim has put his mad Eagle Scout skillz to use and has all sorts of emergency preparedness stuff for us so hopefully we won't need any of it! Hopefully I'll get a chance to check in again but until then, Merry almost Christmas!

More snow and cold!

As you can tell, yesterday was another snowy day here as was today. The stuff we have now, isn't going anywhere for a while. Jim took the kids outside yesterday even though it was very cold and very windy. They didn't stay out too long but you can't deny a kid from the pacific northwest a chance to play in the snow when you have it. Although these kids get it more often than others in the area since we are at about 1300 feet in elevation, they don't love it any less. It was chilly though around 18 to 20 degrees and the wind was blowing up here about 35 mph. The snow was certainly not falling, it was go every which way but down. They got to play crazy outside with daddy, do a little sledding, made a couple snow angles and came back in... and didn't ask to go back out again!

Luckily, we ate dinner early last night because with the east wind howling, it knocked our power out for a few hours. We got the stove going and were able to keep the house warm but the wind was scaring the kids even after the power came back on around 9. Rylan actually fell asleep in my arms which he hasn't done in a very long time. It was so nice though, you don't often get that from a big three year old unless they're sick. The combination of cold weather and lack of power froze up the pressure pipes for our water pump so we didn't have decent water pressure at all. So, around 10 pm, Jim trekked down the hill with the 4 wheel drive pick up truck to fix that in um, 12 degree, insanely windy, weather. He was able to hold the switch to fill the tanks in the basement so we had running water and power by the time we got into bed around 10:30 last night. Come to find out though, in that trip down and back up, the 4 wheel drive in the truck managed to get locked so that's not working right either. Of course! Luckily, that's just our back up vehicle and by this morning the road crews had, plowed, sanded and de-iced our hill so taking the car to work was no problem for him. It does seem that when something goes, it all goes though doesn't it?! I got the pump guy out here this afternoon and he explained where the issue really lies and I'll just say that we're lucky that nothing is broken down at the pump because there were frozen pipes, not a frozen switch - so Jim was messing with a whole lot of pressure that in the words of the fatherly pump guy "can often end up going boom, and nobody wants that." Yikes! So, the way to thaw it out is with a torch. Go figure. Who would have thought that using a torch would be safer than flipping a switch!?!

First Snow!

We have our first snow of the season! The kids were super excited when they woke up and saw it even though it's really just a dusting. We're supposed to get a fair amount more tonight. It's pretty much been snowing all day but the temp right now is at that right in between place where it's just soppy wet but still snowing hard. I can hear the few cars outside the window and some are having more luck than other navigating the hill but that's par for the course up here. So, for now, I'll just share a couple pics and then I think I'm going to join the kiddos for a nap!

This is the "this is the closest thing to a smile you're going to get since you made me stop playing to smile" smile:

This is the "you can't make me look at you" look:

And, what's a little slave labor? The snow was so wet that it stuck to the dish so of course very little was coming in!

That's it for now and hopefully, if we have to put up with this crazy cold snap that they're predicting, we'll actually have some snow to play in! If we get it tonight, it'll be sticking around for the next 5 days or so.

The Last You'll Hear of It...

Hopefully this is the last that you'll hear of the tooth. It's such a very small thing in all that we're all dealing with but it's a pretty cool thing when you're not quite 5 and I was reminded that I haven't shown a pic of the actual tooth, so here it is in all its wonky glory. The root really does come out at an angle like you see. Weird. And with that, that's hopefully that last you'll hear of the tooth!

I cannot believe that Christmas is so rapidly approaching - the gifts are all wrapped except for one last one for Karleigh which I have to finish up tonight and then it's pretty much hurry up and wait. We may bake some cookies this weekend for Karleigh to take into her teachers and aids since I'm sure no one needs another coffee mug and then we're good to go! But now I need to get to sewing that last felt sugar cookie!!!

Sleeping with a Smile...

This one's just a quickie but I HAD to share! I fell asleep last night, even with my nasty cold and the computer drama, with a big smile on my face. I decided to get out my doppler last night, squirted the aloe vera gel on my tummy and BAM! within 7 seconds, had baby's heartbeat! Such a great sound, beating away at 171 bpm. It is a great relief to know that the little one is big enough for me to spy on from time to time. I'm surprised how high he/she is already though - we're talking a good 4 inches above my pubic bone. I did know where to look though since I've had the three ultrasounds, I figured where they found baby before would be a good place to start! Crazy!

A "Model" Patient!

Here's her new smile! Karleigh did so great today, the dentist called her a "star patient". I was very proud of the little peanut. She has some spatial issues, loves to cuddle but doesn't like to be held down at all and can get a little claustrophobic at times. You never would have known it today! We gave her some Motrin about an hour before the appointment, as suggested. We got there and she colored for a while and we went back to "the dolphin room" - which is conveniently located back away from the cleaning stations. Her only request was a pair of sunglasses to wear during everything. She picked raspberry for her smell of the nitrous but man they had a bunch of different options from peanut butter, to chocolate, marshmallow, grape, watermelon and more. Then they numbed her up with a gel, I'm assuming much like Ora-gel and then she got the Novocaine. She did so, so great. Never complained about the pressure and there was no pain at all. They used a little thing to push the gum away from around her tooth a couple of times and then basically used a pair of pliers to wiggle, wiggle, wiggle it out. It slipped out with what looked like a huge, long root on the end. Karleigh was quite proud of herself. It didn't bleed as much as I expected since mouths usually bleed quite a bit. She got a cute little pink tooth fairy box (I'll take a picture of that tomorrow since she asked the tooth fairy if she could keep the tooth) a popsicle - actually two - one for her, one for Rylan and a couple of tokens for the prize machine. She's such a little creature of habit and got herself another ring and a super bouncy ball for Rylan. I love how she ALWAYS thinks of him and shares with him even when he's not standing right there, he was in the van with Jim, watching a movie. Jim picked up a few soft snacks and Horton Hears a Who... though Karleigh said she thought Horton looked more like a Larry... and we came home.



When we got home we were greeted by a laptop that wouldn't power up at all which made me less than happy, to say the least. This really isn't the most convenient time of year for me to be without my computer and photo editing programs and I could go on and on about that but I won't. Though I pride myself in giving great customer service... I'm not always the best customer. Jim, however, is generally a great, calm, mellow customer so he got to handle it and I stayed home. He managed to get us a loaner laptop (since ours won't be back until the 27th at the earliest) and an external hard drive which has every little bit of data that I had on my dead laptop. It took a few hours but he done good!



While Jim was gone, Rylan and I snuck outside and took a picture of the moon since he was so impressed with it coming up over the barn tonight. Just thought I'd share... looks cold doesn't it!?! The kids are keeping their fingers crossed for snow this weekend - we'll see. We're at the right elevation for what the forecast is predicting so far so time will tell!

One for the Memory Book...

One last snapshot of the "mutant" tooth for Karleigh's memory book! That silly thing gets wiggled out, as the dentist puts it, tomorrow at 2 pm. She's actually quite excited about losing her tooth again and I think she's become a bit self conscious about it. Even her pre-school director joked that she looked like a jack-o-lantern... I'm sure it was said with love but why draw attention to it? Bottom line is it's coming out to protect the health of her gums and the permanent tooth that is right up against it. She should have one interesting Kindergarten photo next school year though as her two bottom, middle teeth are loose too and I figure once one falls out, the other will be right behind it. She may have to give up her love for apples for a while in exchange for applesauce at the rate she's going!

I've been quiet because, frankly, I've been sick as a dog. No, I can't blame baby... I'm the baby. I have a cold virus that's got me all messed up - fever, headache, sinus cold that's working it's way into my chest, knotted up neck and shoulder muscles that keep me from holding my head like a normal person (thank goodness for the back up camera on the van!) Blah.

I hope to have a photo of the chicklet tomorrow after she gets that tooth taken care of - I'm sure she'll be happy to show off!

First OB Appointment...

Huh?! Yah, technically today I had my first OB appointment. The others were intake and ultrasounds. So, I went today... I hate how nervous I get before my appointments now but I guess that's going to be my reality. I went and they got me right back, urine sample, weight (already gaining like I did with Karleigh) and bp. I also had my pap and got my girls felt up (for a good cause of course). While listening to my heart, Doc C asked me if I was a runner... that is laughable! He said that my heart sounds like a runners heart so I must be in great shape. He did commiserate with me though about how "annoying" a heart beat like mine can be, he has the same thing. It has actually been bugging me a lot at night the last few days. Back in high school, my cardiologist diagnosed it as a "regular irregular heart beat". So it speeds up a lot, fills in with extra beats and it's very easy to feel it until it gets used to the increased blood flow - anyway, also explains why I was able to run long distances (though I don't particularly enjoy it) since it easily reacts to my body's increased needs... who knew?! He did not try to find baby's heart with the doppler today... instead he brought in the portable sono machine. Ahhh, there he/she was, wiggling a little bit with the nice strong flicker of the heart beat. Doc C also said that though the Subchorionic Hematoma is very unnerving for everyone, he wasn't positive, looking at it, that that's really what it is... and that's why all my sonograms are sent to the perinatologist's office. He thinks it looks more like a hypervascular area in preparation for a very healthy placenta. ... I like that diagnosis better but I will still continue to take it easy because to me, "hypervascular" also sounds like it could bleed easily. We all know that I don't want to see any blood even to the point that he gave me the option of opting out of my pap until my 6 week post partum appointment. I went ahead and did it though and so far so good.

Even though my nerves were on the high end... I think they will always be now, it was a good appointment. I go back again in two weeks. I wonder if they will be seeing me every two weeks from here on out or are just going to wait until all of us are feeling better about everything. For now, everything is good!

Here's today's pic of the blobby. I have no idea what the ufo over his/her head is... I don't remember that being on the screen so it may just be a glitch when it printed. The white arrow is pointing to the white spot that is the heart and the rest are labeled. Off at about 4-5 o'clock, you can see the shadow from a portion of the bleed. Like she said, it's substantial and is at least 3 times the size of the shadow and wraps around the gestational sac, along the top, to about 11 o'clock. I take comfort in the fact that she said it was already healing and I haven't had any spotting or bleeding from it yet so maybe I'll get lucky with this. I read a little saying today that said something along the lines of "If you're going to pray, why worry? If you're going to worry, why pray?"

Short Update...

Phew! Baby is doing well, measuring right on to ovulation date now (I thought that first measurement two weeks ago was off but that's ok) heart rate was steady at 158 bpm. She doesn't know if they'll change my edd again or just leave it. I really don't care, I just want a healthy baby and in the end 5 days is nothing. She spent a LOT of time looking at my ovaries and cyst, even checking blood flow and things of that nature, external, internal, lots of measurements so that made me kind of nervous. She also discovered that I have a "substantial but healing" bleed. I really hope that totally resolves itself and I don't see any brown spotting because spotting/bleeding of any kind has never ended up good for me. So, in a nutshell, baby is great... I'm kind of a mess but baby is fine! Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers! I'll be back later with the pics!

Bad Blogger...

I've been a really bad blogger lately! Thanksgiving made this last week fly by, which I'm totally fine with. That coupled with all the Christmas rush and I'm behind. We do have our tree up but we're not going crazy with the other decorations this year since we won't have anyone else here to enjoy it anyway which is actually a nice change. We have a few gifts that we're waiting on to arrive, a few to send out and then we're done! I'll be glad to have it done. The meaning of Christmas certainly doesn't escape me but it just doesn't have the same feeling that it did as a child. I mean, I never expected it to stay that way but it still kind of bums me out. Blah.

Things still seem to be progressing just fine. I'm a little nervous because my docs office called this morning and said that they needed to schedule my appointments. I figured they just missed something since I already have one scheduled for Friday and I called the Maternal Fetal Medicine office directly when I scheduled my NT scan. But instead, she told me that they need to get me in for a viability ultrasound... "like now". Of course at first my thought was "Woohoo! Yay for being followed closely and another peek at this little one." So I scheduled the appointment for tomorrow morning at 8:30. Drinking that 32 oz of water at 7:30 in the morning should be fun to say the least. However, as soon as I got off the phone the negative thoughts started... "this couldn't have waited until I go in on Friday?" "What's wrong now?" The reality is, I can't imagine that there would have been much that they could have seen on that first ultrasound anyway and as I recall, that was technically a dating scan - I was just lucky to see a heartbeat - so now they can do the viability scan and it's coded differently for insurance purposes. That still doesn't ease my nerves though. Luckily, I won't have to wait a long time to know what's going on either way. But to say the least, my mind has been pre-occupied with having a scan sprung on me so quickly. I assumed that I'd go to my appointment on Friday and we'd attempt the heart beat with the doppler and then if we couldn't get it, I'd get a quick scan.

So, that's the newest update. Still feeling very "first trimester" and my nerves are back on edge a little bit more than they had been. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be nothing but optimistic again.

An Update about Nothing!

I can't believe it's almost been a week since I posted anything! No worries. As far as I know, all is continuing to go without incident. I'm certainly feeling what is typical for my pregnancies - tired, bloated, totally scatterbrained... but luckily I have, so far, *knock on wood* avoided any yuckiness that would be worth mentioning. I felt much more sick with Eli than with any of my other pregnancies. I have a theory about that. I wonder if the Clomid preps my body for the hormone rush so I don't really experience morning sickness to the extent that I did with my one unmedicated conception. Eh, just a thought, who knows, but I'm not complaining!

I've been preparing for Thanksgiving, which I'm hosting again this year and is fine by me. I can cook and the kids sleep so much better in their own beds. I've been working on holiday card orders that are rolling in and even got it together and have ours finished and on the way. The Christmas shopping is almost done which also feels great. It's been nice having something to keep my mind busy.

It's also been strange to continue to schedule appointments for the future. This week I made my appointment for my NT scan for December 31st. It's hard to keep the thoughts of "why are you even bothering to make the appointment?" out of my head. I just keep reminding myself that this is a different pregnancy. It is. I am trying to enjoy every day and every moment. We have let our guard down and discussed names, room arrangements, bedding thoughts and all of that fun stuff. I am a habitual planner so not doing some of those things would probably make me break out in a cold sweat. It's good. I should be doing those things.

I hope each and every one of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. It's hard to be thankful for the path that my life has taken this past year but I am thankful for where I am now and thankful for those who I have reconnected with and for those who have prayed for me and lifted me up through this time. Without going through the things that I have, I wouldn't have those things to be thankful for.

Beautiful...

Another beautiful sight today from the shores of Western Australia.

Relief...

Today was my first ultrasound of this pregnancy. I didn't go into it with my hopes too high because frankly, at 5 weeks 6 days, not seeing anything much isn't necessarily a sign of a doomed pregnancy. It could be that ovulation was a little later than assumed or implantation that took a little longer than average. So, I went to the office with my bladder totally water-logged and waited. Before long, the ultrasound tech took me back to the same room where I had learned, for sure, that Eli's heart had stopped. My nerves were on the high end and when I am nervous I get shaky and giggly. So we chit-chat, chit-chat and we laugh about the fact that I "played by the rules" and drank my 32 oz. of water as instructed even though I knew we wouldn't see much on the trans abdominal ultrasound. Sure enough, not much there to see, got to go potty and came back for a closer, more intimate look. We were both quickly able to see the gestational sac and the bright white yolk sac. That is exactly what I was hoping to see at this gestation, confirmation that the pregnancy was where it was supposed to be. However, with a couple more clicks, it wasn't long before we were able to see the tiny baby AND a tiny heart beating away at 101 beats per minute! Talk about a sigh of relief. She told me how perfect baby looked, took a few more measurements and told me that my due date is going to change. Baby was measuring almost a week ahead at 6 weeks 4 days, ironically, the exact same gestational age that Eli measured on our first ultrasound with him. Of course my ovaries are looking "angry" from being hyper stimulated from the Clomid and she said that it was a good thing that I didn't need to take it another cycle because I probably would have just had very stimulated ovaries without decent follicles. She said "it looks like it was a one shot deal". Wow. At any rate, I got some screen time with my ovaries today too... not the pretty ones that we saw a couple months ago. But, they've done their job and now they can recover. When I was pregnant with Karleigh I had one mega-cyst on my left ovary and now it's my right one acting up this time. I'm totally ok with it though as I know it will calm down as the pregnancy progresses. Instead of one large cyst, I have a bunch of oh, probably grape sized and smaller cysts. I haven't had any pain from them, just bloating which I can live with.


So, here's our first baby picture! To make it a little easier to find, the baby is the grey blob inside the black spot. Not the greatest picture of course but it's confirmation that it's real!

Today was a full day because after my appointment at 10 am, I picked up Karleigh's x-ray from her dentist, came home, ate some lunch and got the kids and Jim gathered up to head off to Karleigh's dentist appointment. Jim and I have been discussing it and we decided that a second opinion on the tooth issue was the best idea. So, I called the children's dentist that is right across the street from our dentist and they were happy to get her in today. Oh my goodness, it's the coolest office, all decorated with a fish theme including an impressive saltwater fish tank specifically stocked with fish that look just like the characters from Finding Nemo. No kidding, in fact they even had a bit of a dramatic moment when they realised that Peach had fallen on top of Bubbles and a quick rescue had to take place! Short story long... we have found a new dentist for the kids. They are great with the kids, the hygienists are more than happy to take the kids to the tank, and the toy box and hang out with them while the dentist talks over the treatment with the parents. And what we discussed is that yes, that tooth does need to come out so it doesn't interfere with the eruption of the permanent tooth. She has an appointment for December 10th to have it "wiggled" out. They'll do it in the office with some yummy nitrous-oxide that she'll get to choose the flavor/scent of, give her some Novocaine and wiggle it out. Apparently she's even going to get a special box for the tooth. This dentist was great in that she didn't make us feel like freaks just because she had an extra tooth bud that sort of formed and it sounds like Karleigh's case is straight forward. She told us about a little boy earlier in the week who will be heading to the oral surgeon since he has two of these teeth but they are erupting in opposite directions. So, we're lucky that we get to do this with a simple 15 minute or so procedure.

All in all a totally wonderful day with a lot to look forward to. Jim treated us all to a trip to Starbucks when we were done, 2 strawberry frappuccinos, one hot chocolate and one decaf peppermint white chocolate mocha and we were all happy campers!

Still Progessing...

I worked up the nerve today to call my OB's office and harass them about the hcg draw that I had them add to my labs on Friday. Of course I also had to find out which office my next two appointments are at because the gal scheduling them was all over the place. Evidenced by the fact that she scheduled me for an ultrasound on Wednesday AND Thursday. Pretty sure my insurance wouldn't be happy about that! Anyway, I got it all worked out and left the message requesting my numbers. On Friday, they were up to 4375, so still progressing right along pace with what they should be doing.

It's actually been nice to have a few goals along the way these last couple of weeks. I've pretty much had something to look towards every two days for the last week so, I suppose after my appointment on Wednesday, I'm going to go through withdrawals or something!

On the other hand, Karleigh has an appointment with a different children's dentist on Wednesday afternoon. We are going to see about having that "mutant tooth" extracted. I know it doesn't sound nice but really, kids are not supposed to have two sets of baby teeth and this one is pretty much growing straight out and is rubbing on her lip. So, we'll see what they suggest in a couple of days.

Aside from baby and kid news, the weather has been excellent the last few days. I got a huge amount of yard work done this weekend and even talked Jim into mowing the lawn so that was nice. It was great to get out and absorb some natural vitamin D, take in some fresh air and accomplish something!

As far as I'm concerned right now, boring is good!

First Appointment...

Oh, don't get all excited! It was just the nurse/intake appointment. We went over my yucky history, height 5' 3.5"(love when then give me that .5"), weight 129 (hello bloat!), BP 112/74 (even after that weight!), went over what OTC meds are ok, foods, testing, 6 viles of blood and pee in a cup, yadda yadda yadda. Not a bad appointment but it was really weird to be back and talking about pregnancy like nothing is going to go wrong. I felt strange talking about things like appointments after 20 weeks, where we want to deliver. Very odd.

I do have to say that I think I did a pretty good job today. I stayed upbeat for the most part and only choked up a little bit once. I had asked, back in March I suppose, if I could get a couple copies of the last ultrasound that I had after Eli's heart had stopped beating. I know he wasn't alive anymore but he looked totally perfect on the screen. The office told me "no problem you'll just have to come in and sign a release and we'll give them to you." I asked if I could get those today and it seems that after the pathology and autopsy reports were added to my file, the ultrasounds were thrown away. *sigh* It would have been nice to have those.

It does all seem to be going so fast right now. I have an ultrasound scheduled for next week already. I'm not sure how much we'll see at that point since it will be the earliest one I've had so far but with my numbers what they are, I should be able to see something reassuring. My first OB appointment is scheduled for December 5th with Dr. C. He's the one who I saw when I knew Eli had died, was on-call when I delivered and performed the surgery following delivery. He's a nice guy and I really hope that I can stay "cool". I haven't seen him since February.

I know that this is a different pregnancy, a different situation and a different baby. Numbers are great and symptoms are reassuring. Today was another big milestone in that I am now further into this pregnancy than I managed with any of the last 3 losses and there's no reason to believe that something has to go wrong.

Here We Go Again, Again...

So, today has been one of those days. It's pouring down rain, it's been one year, today, since we conceived Eli, did I mention it's also just grey and cold and yucky outside? Also though, Jim had the day off so we had a family day even if it only involved running errands, a napless day, puzzles and board games.

But more than that, it's been a very strange day because suddenly it's full of optimism once again. You see, one of our - make that my - errands, was to stop by the lab once again. "Once again" because I was there on Monday too. As you may recall, last month was our last for trying to add to our family. The meds were messing with my physically and emotionally and I was quite sure that I needed a long break to take care of myself. So, while most people get to jump with joy at the sight of two pink lines on a home pregnancy test, I smile (because let's not forget that in the beginning of our family building, just getting pregnant was a huge battle), and then pray that the other shoe doesn't drop. When most people see the "pregnant" on a digital test they get to let out a "yippee!". I have to remember to breathe. It is what it is. I've been given a different path than most people and I'm ok with it. When I went in on Monday, it was a total comedy of errors but I finally got my hcg beta back around 5:30 in the evening. 1283. That's a great number for 17 dpo but a single number doesn't really tell you much. What you need to look for is that the number increases by at least 60% in 48 hours. See all these things that so many people didn't even know? Ideally, you want to see something closer to it doubling in 48 hours. So, 5:15 this evening rolls around and my doctors office finally calls me back. I answer the phone shaking from the inside out... 2776! I know a lot of people wait until that "all clear" mark of 12 weeks. Well, you know what? That "all clear" mark only holds a 50% success rate for me so that's why I have said something now. When you're faced with it, you realize that you're not guaranteed a live baby after hearing a heartbeat at 7 weeks, or 16 weeks, or 26 weeks or even 40+ weeks. Sad but true.

So, here we go again, again. I do sincerely pray that this is our happily ever after with our rainbow baby and that July 2009 is tons better than July 2008.

It's a Tuesday...

Tuesdays always seem to be full of anticipation for me, and this one is no exception to the rule. Perhaps it's because Tuesday is Karleigh's first school day of the week and then Wednesday is a family day since Jim almost always has it off. Could be. It's nice to get over the Monday's and Tuesday is usually a pretty great, pretty productive day for me.

Productivity today does not seem to include napping children. Just now I could still hear them whispering upstairs and went to check on them. They are both cuddled up in Karleigh's bed. Cute huh!? So, I told them if they can sleep, they can stay together. Once upon a time, less than a year ago, they shared a bedroom. See, I thought I'd get a head start on things and moved them into the same room when we knew that baby #3 was going to be joining us. I didn't want all the changes to come at once and I didn't want anyone to feel displaced so I thought I was doing the right thing by making the change early. I mean I waited until I was past 12 weeks so all is safe right? Well, we know how that story ends. So, eventually we moved everyone back to their own bedrooms but they still like to try to sneak in and sleep with each other.

It is a grey, wet, rainy, raw day today - even by pacific northwest standards so I'm hoping that instead of turning to a lump on the couch with a cup of tea, I actually get some cleaning done. Either that or get another one or two felt donuts done for one of Karleigh's Christmas gifts. Even though most of it is hand sewed, I cheat and use the machine for part of it BUT if the kids are even slightly awake, as soon as they hear the machine, they come running. So, I'll have to see if any sleeping really takes place today.

I've been quiet lately, kind of taking a step back from things. This week is kind of a big one in the whole process. A process which I'm realizing will never be complete. Tomorrow is the one year mark from when we conceived Eli so that's kind of weird. I can remember so much of what we did surrounding preparing for him and the things that we did when I was pregnant with him like it was just last month but on the other hand it feels like it was a total Twilight Zone, other life ago. I'm sure that's to be expected though and it's ok. For now, I'm just trying to breathe and not get ahead of myself while trying to move forward at the same time. Wish me luck!

Just some petty venting...

In the past I have done "thankful Thursday" but today I'm annoyed, and since it's been a few days since I blogged last I figured what a great time for a vent!

I'm annoyed with DirecTV... our set up worked fine when I went to town this morning and when I got home they had "updated" the programming of the box and now it's all stupid and messed up. Jim's currently on the phone with them but come on!!!

I'm annoyed at the rain - but it's Washington and I'll get over it.

I'm annoyed that my friends would ever have to go through more than one loss. Please pray for Jenell.

I went shopping today and the store that I needed to shop at was full of crazy women and kids, 99% of whom thought the sale was more important than making sure their kids weren't out wandering in the mall. Seriously, I had to usher one kid back in three times... like walk out in the mall, down two stores, and herd him back in... and yes, I lost my place in line.

I'm annoyed by a multitude of election results.

Anyway, that's enough complaining for now!!!

Tagged!

Ok... this came at a great time - Holli tagged me on her blog and considering it's nearing a week since I've posted this gives me something!



7 Weird Facts About Me:



one... I bite the sides of my fingers when I'm nervous or bored (I know, gross right?!) but I could never imagine biting my nails.



two... I only had one real Barbie doll during my childhood. My mother-in-law bought me two when I was in college but I left them in their boxes. Karleigh, at 4, has 5 including the two from the box and my one from growing up.



three... I love to watch wedding shows to distract me from my life and to watch Jon & Kate Plus 8 just to prove that I'm no where near the psycho mom and wife that I sometimes feel.



four... Even though I feel like I look exactly the same as I did in high school, many of my friends have commented on how I look different in almost all of my photos from the last 3 years or so.



five... I like Wendy's fries dipped in frostys. I know, sounds gross but try it before you knock it!



six... I am not a morning person. Not in the least!



seven... I don't like playing Monopoly. Weird, I know, but that was the point of this!



And for a bonus, here a cute pic of the kiddos napping on Saturday (after a very fun Halloween) at my parents house:

Alrighty! Now for the seven people that I tag: Lacey, Kara, Danielle, Lauren, Lisa, Julie, Heather!

Almost Wordless Wednesday...

In this part of the world, when you get a chance to actually play in the leaves when they're not all wet and soggy, you have to make the most of it!

Let's Go Fly A Kite...

We decided to harness the wind today for a little bit of fun. The weather was beautiful but so windy! Windy enough to knock the power out a few times but never for longer than a moment. It was also windy enough to rip the kite right out of Rylan's hands, carrying it down the hill. Watching Jim sprint nearly 200 yards down hill, across the fields was crazy cheap entertainment but he ended up catching the handle shortly before the kite hit the tree line. Karleigh ended up laughing so hard that she was crying. Thankfully they were tears of joy for the first time in the day. She had a very tearful morning telling her best friend "goodbye" before they move 2500 miles away. She is having a hard time with the concept of this move, assuming that she'll never see her again. But the truth is, they'll still see each other again since the extended family is still in the area. I KNOW she doesn't get the concept since she asked if Tennessee was close to England. I'm thinking that she is equating this to telling her aunt and uncle goodbye when they moved to England over a year ago and she hasn't seen them since. Anyway, for this reason, she just didn't seem to believe us when we told her that she'd hopefully see her in the spring. So, it was nice to take her mind off of that and just run around outside. And yes, they're in their pj's... cozy, new pj's!

Also, YAY!, Jim and I have voted so we can tune out all of that negative stuff on tv and move on to something... anything else!