Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Cool! I wish more moms who are having to walk this path would realize that. Sometimes I get the feeling that people think that because I'm not angry and bitter and spewing a million questions like "what gives God the right to take my baby away..." that I miss Eli less or that I didn't want him as much. That makes me so very sad because it just isn't true. Bringing living children into this world is not something that comes easy to us. Eli was, and continues to be, a total blessing. It's just different - a different blessing than I could ever have imagined. Because of my faith, I'm growing better (hopefully) from this experience. Yes, many times a day my smile turns into a frown when I think about what I could/would/should be doing had Eli's heart not stopped beating but going down in that deep dark pit isn't going to change it. And yes, there are times when I'm truly enjoying myself and all of a sudden my heart will hurt and I have fleeting moments of thinking "how can I possibly be so happy, my baby is dead?" But, it is because of God that I can experience the sun even during the darkest times.
God has a plan for my life and he wants to make it known to me - sometimes He has to scream and other times He can whisper. At any rate, it is not my job to try to dissect or direct that plan. My job is to follow and to let every event in my life contribute to my growth. As Psalm 138:8 states: The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me, His love endures forever and He will not abandon the works of His hands.
1 comment:
What a wonderful post, Kristi. You are such an inspiration. God is so Amazing. I think about you and pray for you guys daily.
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