OK...

It's kind of funny, to me at least... today I am ok. Not great. Not bad. Not mad. Not even really all that sad. It's a bit strange for me to just be "OK". I'm generally one of those high emotion people, so it's a weird place for me to just be ok.

The weather is relatively nice again today and I should be feeling a bit overwhelmed with things that I want to do but since my body isn't quite in that place where I can get everything accomplished I guess I'm allowing myself to be ok with it. I have yard work that I'd like to do (or at least have someone do), a few wild daisies that I want moved to a flower bed, a poor hydrangea that isn't going to come back to life that I would like out of another flower bed so I can put in a new one or an azalea or something else that is ok with a fair amount of shade. We also need to get some moss killer down on the lawn at some point in time. But, I'm not stressed out about yet I'm also not feeling like I just want to ignore it... again, I'm just ok with everything that should be done. The same can be said for the inside of the house. I have a mental list of what I would like to get done but I'm really ok with is just being the way it is for now. A very strange place for me to be.

I should also be really, really happy about a huge debt that we had, finally being all paid off... but again, I'm just feeling ok about it. I should be thrilled that we have excellent insurance coverage since the EOB's are already rolling in but I'm not. I am ok though. It's weird. I don't know if it's a coping mechanism right now, if it's because I'm just tired of being tired, if it's because I'm fighting a cold. So strange. I'm hoping that in the coming days that I can experience a little more excitement and be a little more upset about things too... that would be more normal for me.

I realize that the old me probably won't ever exist again. I will be a new me and (surprise, surprise) I'm ok with that. If I can continue to deal with these crazy life changes, that will be a good thing.