Tested...

Tested... that's me today.

Today was supposed to be a day for me. Yes, I realize that perhaps it was too soon, that I shouldn't have done it on Eli's 2 week "angel-versary", that maybe I should have started with something smaller. I didn't. I have been talking for three weeks about needing to get my hair cut. The other day I decided enough was enough and I had to get it done. It was getting way too long. So, I've spent days looking for photos to show what I wanted and finally had my mind made up. I also decided that I wasn't going to go as short as I was originally thinking... my friend M said something along the lines of "just make sure you don't get 'break up hair'." My appointment was at 11 am and I should have just cancelled it... I was feeling that way when I woke up, but I didn't. I went. I explained that I wanted something around my shoulders/collar bone, at the shortest, a loooong bob that looks like it's been 'growing out' for awhile and that it had to be terribly low maintenance and long enough to pull back into a ponytail. I even showed her a picture. So, she started cutting and by the time I realized what was happening, she ended up cutting it in a short shag. Gross. No offense to anyone out there, but I've been there, done that and grew it out because it made me feel like a boy.

This was supposed to be a day of healing for me, a day to help me feel better about myself... instead I got to listen to some woman go on and on, to a pregnant stylist, about how 'boy babies are the worst', 'they're so tough', blah, blah, blah... but how her girl was perfect, walking at 6 months, potty trained at 8 months, blah, blah, blah. I just couldn't listen to her flap her jaw any more so I kind of tuned out. Then my stylist asked about my family and I kept it short and sweet. A little while later she asked if we were going to have any more kids and I just flat out told her, "well, we just had a still born son 2 weeks ago today but hopefully some day we'll have a third live baby." She said she was sorry and continued to butcher er, cut my hair. Anyway, a short while later a young mom with twin girls, around a year old, came in. They were buckled into their mall stroller and the one in front started crying... mom just continued to read her 'Star' magazine, girl continued to squawk, mom continued to ignore her. The dad came back about FORTY-FIVE minutes later and mom's next words were... "Thank goodness, I can't stand screaming kids!" Ummm, hello woman, it was YOUR screaming kid and you totally ignored her! Of course the entire time she's crying, my chest is going crazy. It was not the relaxing afternoon I was looking forward to. I left 4 hours later, feeling far worse about myself than when I walked in. I don't like the hair cut at all, the color is just ok. I can't even pull it back to get it out of my face, can't tuck it behind my ears. I guess I can hope that it grows fast... which my hair doesn't and now without the pregnancy hormones in my system, it's going to grow even slower. So, I had high hopes for today but whatever.

On the bright side, the sun is shining. I should have just followed my gut instinct and cancelled the hair appointment and taken the kids to the zoo instead. Hindsight is 20/20 isn't it?

I hope to be back tomorrow with a better outlook and be glad to have today behind me. On the upside, if I survived today without a breakdown, including having to walk through the baby section at Nordstrom, there's probably nothing that I can't handle! ...I might have to borrow some of K's way too expensive Gymboree hair clips, Goodness knows she has lots to share and they're cute!