Scattered...

Yikes! I was all over the place today. Had you peeked in my windows today you would probably have concluded:
1. that they really need to be cleaned on the outside and
2. that I should, most certainly, be medicated (no offense to those who are...)
I couldn't finish one project without starting another three first - in fact, after I opened this to post it, I had written the first two sentences but then decided that I should vacuum the living room. I was quiet, I was crazy, I was happy, I was sad. I felt a little loony to say the least.

Aside from my nuttiness, I was reminded that grief is afflicting so many people and in very similar ways. Though I am kind of uncomfortable with having to go through this process, it's nice to know that I am not alone and even during my darkest moments, there are probably people thinking of me and praying for me. For that, I am quite thankful. I'm also thankful for the people that have come into and come back into my life. Their support is a tremendous help. Even if it's someone just saying "hey, I'm glad you're nuts too - that makes me feel more normal" it puts a smile on my face and a twitter in my heart. I'm also thankful for the deeper conversations that take place privately, they really make me think about the whole picture.

I'm fearful that those who are standing by me may not understand how thankful I am for their friendship and I always worry that the words I say could be being received in the wrong way. I haven't been called out about that yet, so I guess that's a good sign. I also believe that as long as what I'm saying is done so with the most pure intentions and an honest heart, God will make sure that the words are taken the right way.

The e-votional that I received yesterday, and was intended for today, was entitled "Sigh or Soar" which made me think of the be better or be bitter theory that I have. I realized how many times that I have posted, over the last two months, how many times I have written *sigh* in a post or an email or even thought it in my own little mind... that's really not like "me" at all -I'm so not the Eeyore persona. The scripture that goes with it is:

Isaiah 40:29-31
"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

I have to now think that those times when I think I'm losing it because I'm happy, laughing, dancing to silly kid songs with the kid folk, have a burst of productive energy or just feeling very "chill" is when I'm actually the most with it and with Him. I'm going to keep working on soaring and hope I don't crash.