More Decisions...

This cozy smile brought to you because Mommy was able to make a decision...

I don't know why it seems like I'm able to finally make decisions again but it's wonderful! In preparation for the arrival of "the new baby", we had moved everyone around upstairs. There are three bedrooms and one bathroom up there. So, we had moved K and R into the larger bedroom, us into the medium sized room, which really has the same usable floor space as the smaller room, and we used the smaller room for a catchall of baby items and things that would need to be rearranged as the room went through it's metamorphosis back into a nursery. The kids happily became roommates when I was in my 13th week. We didn't want all of the transitions to occur at once for them and we wanted to see how it would go in case we needed to go to a plan B. We could have made it "easy" and just moved to the largest bedroom which is on the main floor but we like to be on the same level as the kids, at least while they are young. Getting to my point... we moved everyone back to their own rooms again. It's nice to have the space back for us and K loves being back in her pink room. R is having a slightly more difficult time but I think that's because he's gotten used to K talking him to sleep. She was telling me that he was used to her standing and talking until he fell asleep, so that was probably it but all is quiet now.

I'm sure I was holding off on moving everything back to the way it was "before" because it would be totally admitting the loss. Admitting that things weren't going to happen as we had planned and admitting that we wouldn't be needing a nursery anymore. Lying in bed last night, I realized that very "best" (for lack of a better term) case scenario, we wouldn't actually be using a nursery for a year now. I couldn't justify us all living in limbo, for who knows how long, because of that. So, there you have it. I have admitted the "defeat" and everyone is actually quite happy to have their personal space back. I'm happy that the rooms, albeit small, are being used to their full potential once again. It's also nice to not feel like I'm still living in all the "could have beens". Plus, it gives me a sense of control, once again, when I know there are so many parts of my life that I can't control. I've decided that I'm more than ok with that though... the lack of control thing. I would much rather my "pilot" know my destination, the weather, the condition of the plane and all things I haven't even considered than to be flying blind.