There's a yucky name for it - chemical pregnancy and a definition - what I apparently get to add to my list of "been there, done thats". So, *small sigh* onward and forward I suppose. Kind of extra crummy since Jim is out of town today and tonight. On the upside that sort of pricey prescription that we picked up a couple weeks ago will get put to some use after all. I'm not being flippant about it but for whatever reason I'm just kind of numb. I'm sure the reason is self preservation but it is what it is. I went into this with far more awareness of the realities of all the possibilities and I am just one of the "lucky" ones who get to try this over and over again I guess.
It's a bummer being a realist trapped in the head of an optimist. I always want to think the best, to be bright and cheery (to the point of annoyance for many people I'm sure) but the fact of the matter is I have to be a realist too and those two things don't always mesh so well.
So there's the news that nobody probably wanted to hear. I'm just glad to know now instead of waiting another week and getting used to the idea just to have it fall apart at the appointment the is/was scheduled for the 3rd.
I've received a couple emails about "how far" I am/was. I woke up this morning and was 5 and a half weeks, the bleeding started this afternoon. I suppose there's always a chance that it will stop, only God knows and it's totally in His hands. I am totally at peace with whatever the outcome ends up being. You can still be at peace with something even if you're disappointed right???
Friday, June 27, 2008
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6 comments:
UGH!!! I think your observation of "needing" to be a realist at a time when your personality is that of an optimist is great insight. Stinks that it has to help you through this situation, but on to the next try! It will happen.
Thinking of you...
Sending hugs and prayers your way, Kristi!
Kristi: there are times when "I'm sorry" just doesn't say enough or I often wonder if the words are right for certain situations. OK, I'm rambling because I really am sorry. And yes, you can be at peace with a situation and still be disappointed. There are not many who could look at it that clearly and express it. Of course, crying is acceptable too because it releases the disppointment. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Mary (Oct05mommy)
Kristi! I really wish this wasn't happening. But I think that there is a reason for it all, and when you finally do have your rainbow baby you will appreciate it all that much more. (Does that help? Probably not!)
Just know I'm thinking of you.
I still dont understand what that is, but im so sorry it has happened. Hugs hun!!
-h
Sounds totally normal to me to be "numb" on some level...obviously you're not fully numb, because here you are getting some words out. You are a strong mama.
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