Ugh...

That's about the word of the day today. Apparently I spoke too soon about my body healing. It seems to be just as messed up as my head is today. I guess it kind of does the same thing, a few good days and then *bam!*, it reverts back to it's total confusion too. I was totally exhausted upon being woken up this morning by little R yelling "wake up K, wake up Dora, wake up mommy, wake up daddy!", then I realized that I was bleeding again, my eyes were leaking tears... as was my chest. Ugh. Fun times.

I have found that just sucking it up and letting those emotions drag me down for a little bit actually helps. It's the days that I try to fight it that everything just pushes back harder and harder until I break. This morning I just figured I'd have a guilt-free cup of coffee and do some therapeutic reading and try to move on with my day. I sit here on the couch (which is becoming quite uncomfortable) and realize that all I want to do is purge. Of course, I would be more effective if I had some energy so that's probably not going to happen for a while but that makes me frustrated too. I have found that setting tiny goals for the day makes it easier to get by. Instead of "cleaning the house" or even "doing laundry" I have to focus on small parts of that. Maybe the mission for the afternoon will be to pick up the shoes and coats on the back porch and put them away or just get the laundry sorted. I should open the windows and let the breeze blow through the house since it IS sunny again for right now at least.

Ugh... anyway not only is tomorrow a new day, 1:00 will be a new hour (1 week, 2 days and 12 hours later...)