Lazy Days

There's something strangely comforting about the abnormal lately.

I know.

That sounds strange. But we've moved back into a very normal, calm, almost boring life this last week. I've been feeling more like the old me, the "before" me and feeling ok about just doing the normal things and enjoying it. Grocery shopping on a Saturday, family day on Wednesday after Rylan's evaluation, spur of the moment tossed the kids in the van on Friday and took them out to the lake... all stuff that the "old" me wouldn't have thought twice about doing.

Baby steps.

The new me got a little nervous about the lake trip since we were going to be 'hiking' trails that I hadn't been on before so I did make sure to have my cell charged and called Jim and work to let him know where we were going. The old me would have just gone and then gotten a lecture reminder from my parents and husband about not being a little more careful. I grew up in that environment where you didn't feel like you needed to be careful though. Smart, yes but not overly careful. We walked all over the place, rode our bikes where we wanted, spent hours at the beach... all stuff that almost makes me break out in hives just thinking about it now with my kids. I'm sure there's a happy medium that I will find when they're old enough though.

Anyway, it's been good.

We've been planning our summer vacations and day trips which has also been a nice change. Not waiting on all the "what if's" has been a real emotional... relief. Looking forward to something with excitement instead of fear and trepidation has been great! Did I think that I would be in a much different place. Sure. It makes my stomach churn a bit when I see those who started this journey at the same time as I did, or even after I did, happily get pregnant again, welcome their rainbow babies and close that chapter of their lives. Does it stink to have people around me get pregnant and then complain about not knowing what they're going to do? Yup. And yes, there are still many days when I feel like I'm playing a never ending game of Chutes and Ladders and my poor little self is the last one with a piece on the board. But, it is what it is. Maybe I should adjust my thinking to that of the story of The Tortoise and The Hare. :)

In an effort to keep the woe is me to a minimum, because my life really is blessed, :) here are a couple quick pics of the kids from the last few days.