Genetically Speaking...

Genetically speaking, I'm totally normal. Not only normal but the picture of health, the kind of person who should have the healthiest of healthy pregnancies.
So why have I lost eight?
We may never ever know.

I finally got the call yesterday evening that they Karyotyping results were back and the nurse let me know right away that they came back normal but that Dr. C still wanted to see me... "tomorrow" [which is now today]. So, I went in today at 2:30 and sat down with Dr. C in the same consult room where I bawled my eyes out when he gave me the results of Eli's last sonogram. I just kept reminding myself that today was a different day. He was really great going over the results of all the testing over the last year or so. Gosh, it really has been almost a year that we started this in depth testing. Anyway. I'm not even close to being borderline on anything. No lupus, no toxoplasmosis, no blood clotting disorders, no diabetes, no anemia, nothing.
Nothing is wrong with me that medical science can uncover.
Nothing is wrong with Jim's chromosomes either.
It was really quite cool to see the karyogram right there in front of me. I mean really, who ever gets to see right in black and white, copies of their chromosomes. Crazy cool! Maybe not $1500 cool, but cool none the less.

So, we are back again, at square one. Dr. C said he's really been looking over my file and he's beginning to wonder if we aren't just dealing with a bad reaction to the Clomid, bad "luck", and just an anomaly in Eli's case. He's now grasping at chalking up my early losses to poor endometrial lining thanks to Clomid side-effects. I've always known that to be a possible side-effect and one that really bites. What a catch 22 huh? Many months I don't ovulate without the Clomid but the Clomid makes a crummy, thin lining so that the "kid" is already having to battle from the very beginning and more times than not, ends up losing. Of course, that doesn't explain why Eli's heart stopped and doesn't explain my most recent miscarriage since those were both conceived without the Clomid but... it could be an answer to the slew of early losses even, apparently, including my first and Collin. There's no way to prove it though.

New action plan? Right now we are just going with flow. The "what will be will be" route without stressing about it all. Of course, who am I kidding? I've been focused on our family building for the last, almost, ten years. To just change that train of thought will be very, very difficult. Dr. C is looking to Rx Letrozole (Fermara) to me off-label. I have no problem with that. There are many, many drugs that are used off-label with great results. I've actually heard of it used as an infertility drug and I like that it doesn't have the same side-effect as Clomid... messing with the uterine lining. At this point though, I'm doing my research like he asked me to do and we're really thinking about what road we're going to take.

I have my answers, even if they are devoid of information and now my main mission is to focus on and be thankful for who and what I do have!