Is every Mother's Day going to be like this from now on?
I just could not keep my mind from going to "that place". That place where I wanted to be celebrating with three children this year. That place where I had instead embraced the joy of celebrating two living children and a pregnancy 2 months from delivery. Nope. Instead I celebrated Mother's Day with the facade of a "perfect little family" - that's what we look like from the outside - and the reality of a broken heart and ridiculous reminder of everything that has gone on. Yup, par for the course, my first period since my last miscarriage finally showed up while we were hiking in the gorge. I was prepared because, let's face it, I knew that if that's the way it could go... that's the way it would go. I hate that the formerly optimistic me has turned into such a pessimist.
At any rate, Jim took the kids to town, let them pick out flowers (they chose a dozen red roses and a dozen pink roses) and then brought them home with Starbuck's. They were so happy to bring me the flowers and coffee and I did my best to be excited with them. After the coffee was gone, I quickly realized that I was going to go nuts if I had to sit around so I told Jim that I wanted to go to the gorge and so he quick popped up to mow the lawn because taking care of our home takes precedence and the rain was supposed to roll in again yesterday evening. So, he mowed it all in record time. By the time I was done with my shower and drying my hair, he was ready for his shower. Impressive! So, we got ready and headed east. We grabbed Sonic for lunch and ate on the way. We made a few stops to take pictures (none of which I'm very happy with). We stopped at the park near the base of Beacon Rock and Rylan saw people climbing it so he decided he wanted to do that. So... we did. It is an incredible view and does make the crazy amount of vertical switch-backs worth it. He made it almost the whole way on his own but Jim ended up carrying him most of the way back down. Better than up, trust me, the last bit was tough for him so I lugged him. Karleigh was a rock star and did the whole thing up and back with very little complaint, a few comments about it being hard work but no real complaining. Of course about half way up she said "you know what? I forgot to tell you, I'm afraid of heights." Tough luck kiddo! She got over it and kept going on about how beautiful it was. I didn't mention that they are both crazy stuffed up and sick with colds which made it even more impressive. I spent my last Mother's Day home with sick kids so *luckily* they had their fevers earlier in the week this year.
After Beacon Rock, we crossed the Bridge of the Gods and headed into Oregon. We stopped at Multnomah Falls but the parking lot was insanely full so we quickly said "forget it" and popped back on the freeway and took a drive up to Vista House instead. The rain clouds were starting to roll in but we never did get rained on. We walked around the Vista House a bit and then headed down the scenic loop. We stopped at Latourell Falls and hiked around a bit. The kids loved when we went down to the bottom of the 249 foot falls and they got soaked by the spray. It was really relaxing and I'm glad we did it. By the time we had checked out a few places it was nearing 6 pm so we headed home for a quick dinner and poured the kids into bed.
It was a good day but I think it will probably take quite a while for me to slip into a Mother's Day where it all just feels great. There are always going to be parts of me missing and no matter how well behaved the kids are, how nice the weather is or how hot the coffee is, it's always going to be that way. However, I do not let the fact that I do have Karleigh and Rylan to share the day with, escape me. I'm so very blessed to have them but I do think that makes what I'm missing all the more clear.
Karleigh and Rylan at Latourell Falls and the base of the falls.
Karleigh taking a break on a park bench.
Vista House from the Washington side and inside the Vista House.
Outside the Vista House.
Looking east down the Columbia River. Beacon Rock way in the distance.
Beacon Rock from the park below, we did make it to the tip top!
Bonneville Dam in the distance, about 2/3 of the way up.
3 comments:
I have to find such beautiful places. you are so motivating me to find nature parks. Great pixs and being out and about is how i deal with life too. Its a wonderful world and sometimes we just have to be in it to realize it. (if that made sense)
-h
My Mother's Day was bittersweet as well. In fact I didn't even celebrate. I was boycotting. At the end of the day my hubby said you are a great mother and Happy Mother's Day...I cried. I told him just this evening that I can't get over the fact that I am no longer pregnant with my little girl. The one we were so excited to bring in to our family. I am wondering if you will try one more time. I am debating too. There is an element of how it puts your life on hold.
I don't even know you but I like you. I know you would like me too.
I'm glad you got to visit such beautiful places on Mother's Day. I went to Kohls!! :) My day was bittersweet as well...it was also my mom's birthday and that's always tough. I thought it was hard when she was alive trying to cram two holidays into one, but now it's just depressing. Hard to enjoy my own day but we somehow manage, right? Thank goodness it didn't rain!
~Jess
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