Happy on My Face

Even with everything that has gone on - test results that give me no answers, continued loss, still working through this process - dare I say I'm making strides and starting to feel a bit more normal. It's been such a process that I don't think I've actually been able to step back and notice it for myself until today.

When we went to the beach on Thursday, Karleigh asked if she could have my "old new camera" for the day. That's her way of asking for the camera that I was using up until December and believe it or not, I actually told her yes. She's quite careful with it and I figure the best way to learn is through doing and she's actually "doing" quite well. It's funny to hear her groan when the flash goes off and then watch her set it so it won't fire. She says she likes grain better than the flash. That's obviously not exactly the way she puts it but that's the point she was trying to get across as we were looking at them today. Fair enough, that's her style and I'm not going to ask her to change it :) Obviously I cropped and edited them a bit but you can't Photoshop in the emotion.

Anyway, on to my point finally. I looked through the pics that she took, most without me knowing and you know what? I look happy in them. Not the fake smile that I've been used to putting on but real smiles while buckling Rylan into his seat, when she called my name to get me to turn around and just chatting with Jim. It makes me so glad to know that this is the look that they are seeing again because this is the way that I want them to remember me.

Psalm 30:5

For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.