A Thought...

One of my friends sent the following "thought" to me in an e-mail this morning. I love it...

'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you,but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence..... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

I'm still having those days where I'm bugged by the fact that I would be hugely pregnant and just counting down the mere days until we would be joined by our baby boy. I'm hoping that, come the end of the month, I'll be able to allow my self to just let go because that's not my reality. Instead, today I put away the samples of infant formula that I received in the mail and ordered the butterfly larvae (I might be a bit late on that one, to have them ready the first week in August, but that's ok and it'll be close.) This morning the kids and I went outside for them to play in the pool while I enjoyed my cup of coffee. I sat there next to Eli's garden and kept looking back and forth between the garden, which is thriving and the two kids I have here on Earth, who are also thriving. I kept looking at them thinking about how they would be, at this very age, with a new baby. They would have really enjoyed it. I, however, need to remember that there must be a bigger reason for why things have gone down this way, why I've been pregnant six times and only get to hear the laughter from two children. I am very grateful for those two.

I'm not questioning why, but I sure am curious. I think that's a very important distinction to understand. I'm not running the "poor me and all my dead babies" line of thought. I really am just curious why I was chosen. I know there are others who have fared far worse losses than I have and I know that mine don't make me "special". I just have a huge desire to be able to understand the larger picture...