I think it turned out pretty cute and that's all that matters, right? Total cost for this was about $6 since I had to buy a can of white spray paint but I had everything else already here at home.
I'm not fully understanding this grief nesting that I'm going through. It is certainly deeper than with my previous losses. Of course, those didn't have names or faces that I got to see - that could have something to do with it. At any rate, at least this isn't destructive behavior. I'm sure much of it also has to do with the fact that it gives me a sense of control, control that I didn't have over my body or Eli's life. It also gives me a comfortable place to land and it's important to enjoy the things that surround you when you are surrounded by them 24/7. I think it also gives me something else to focus on beyond my emotions. I need a break from those emotions every once in a while. So, it may sound odd, but the feathering of my nest is actually helping!
Which brings me to another really strange, totally unrelated thought about a dream that I had two nights ago. I shared it with some of my friends already but I thought I'd share it here too and see if anyone here has any idea as to what it means. I have a few thoughts of what it may mean but here it goes:
I dreamt that we [my family and I] were at an "odd" read: dark, 70's indoor outdoor type carpeting, poor lighting etc. but fun church and I looked down and realized that I still had my hospital bracelet on and my hep-lock in my wrist (which let me tell you is not a very comfortable place). The pews in the church weren't pews but instead very nice, long, white down filled sofas. Two army guys came in and I remembered something I always wanted to do so I thanked the guy sitting next to me for his service and he looked at me like he had a third eye so I stammered and said, "well, I assumed from your jacket (he was wearing the new digital camo)..." He laughed and said he was just messing with me and "thank you... or you're welcome" Then he looked down at my arm and noticed the hep lock and that my skin was starting to heal around it. I asked him if he would just go ahead and take it out... so I looked away and he did, but it hurt! As soon as it was out I felt a ton better and then clipped the hospital bracelet off myself. Then there was some gathering around, Jim finally came and sat back down (the kids had been jumping on the pews/couches) and the service started.... weird dream huh?
Any ideas? I have my own thoughts along the lines of maybe it was my subconscious/God telling me that it's ok to 'let go' of it but I don't know. I've never been one who interprets dreams and rarely do I have weird dreams like that. Generally they're dreams like last night where I'm rearranging picture frames or something like that. This one was far more memorable and has obviously left an impression.
So, as I suspected this entry ended up about a thousand miles from where I thought it might but that's ok. Right?
1 comment:
Its totally fine Kristi. Your dream sounds very similar to one that I had 6 months to the day after a death of a dear friend of mine. It was for me a release of some sorts. And I havent had any dreams like that one before and nor do I really even remember what I dream nowa days. God is SO powerful and works in all ways!! Also I didnt comment on the other post with the pics of Eli's garden, but I just want you to know that there is another garden growing here in our backyard in CDA for your little man and others lost. Keep up the great work.
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