Healing. Dealing. Dreaming...

Going back to my last post... I just enjoy photography. I also enjoy photoshop. No, I've never taken a class in either and yes, I usually shoot in manual (remember, I like control) :) But part of the reason that I enjoy it is because I often see things that I don't expect. Like the other night, I noticed the moon looked really cool, just the brightest sliver so I set my tripod up in the office window and took a couple pics. It wasn't until I loaded them onto my computer that I realized that you could also see Pleiades - no, I didn't know that's what it was called, I had to look it up. And Mercury (the orange spot right near the tree) just happened to be in the highest, brightest spot for the year this night. (again... who knew!?!) BUT, without photography albeit very amateur, I never would have noticed nor known those things. I think it has become a very grounding and eye opening hobby. I look at everything through different eyes now.

One of my besties was pondering "fate" the other day and I took some time to think about it. Some people think that there's a "Secret" and you can, by simply thinking happy, positive thoughts make all your dreams come true. True love, money, babies, new shoes, new house... the list has no limits and it involves emotional, physical and tangible desires.

Excuse me while I change my pants because I just peed them from laughing so hard.

Not only do I think that's totally untrue I think it's totally ignorant. (Remember, my blog = my opinions) Did we end up with, for example, credit card balances because I desired that? No. We ended up with credit card balances because we purchased things. We also paid them off by paying them, not just thinking that the balances would magically diminish. Did I have a different thought process for my pregnancies with Karleigh and Rylan than I did with all of the others? No way! Did I cause my pregnancies to end because I spent so much time trying to push the negative thoughts aside instead of only thinking positive thoughts? Again, no. In fact, I spent a lot of time worrying about both of them. Karleigh was a pregnancy after 2 losses and Rylan had a positive AFP screen so I was concerned or should I say, more aware about Down Syndrome. Concerned is not the accurate word. He would have been loved just the same. It did not come to fruition as it "should" have if there was any truth to the above belief system. And aside from that, not a moment passed where I even considered that Eli would die, but he did.

No, I don't think there's any secret to it other than how I react to the fate

or destiny

or direction

or path that is individual to me.

To worry about my fate or try to change it is silly and something that I try not to be bothered with. I have faith that God has set me on whatever path I'm on for a reason. I don't know what the future holds for me but to try to change it or go against God's will for me... in the end? is really only cheating myself. God does not set out to harm us but depending on how I choose to react I could harm myself. Make sense?

Speaking of the way that God works, our family was given a wonderful opportunity for this summer. One of my friends... you know, the kind that lives no where near me... gifted our family with a week of vacation through their time share. I know! Unreal right!?! I don't know if you remember but another of my New Year's resolutions was for our family to take a vacation for vacations sake. Not to visit family, or go to a wedding, or a funeral, or obligatory visit. Just a vacation with the four of us alone but together. So we are! Mid-June we will be spending almost 10 days traveling to, from and experiencing the areas around Glacier National Park. Yes, in Montana and yes, I may succumb to my desire to see Jim's cousin/family in Missoula. After all it will be time for my hair to be revived, it'll be her and the kids' "cousin's" birthday, and she has a great tattoo artist - eeek, another thought for another time. BUT, that would be totally ball in our court kid of thing. I'm so excited and so very thankful. It was really the push that I needed to follow through and do something a little more outside my norm.

Speaking of that though, Jim has asked me to think about where I want to stay and eat in Spokane for my birthday... any suggestions from my eastern Washington readers??? I just kind of got that ooky feeling knowing that last time I drove those roads I was pregnant with Collin and hadn't ever been so happy as I was to have Panda Express on the way west again.

This is, however, the appropriate place for me to say congrats to my friend Kara who gave birth to her Rainbow Baby boy earlier today! I'm so sincerely happy for her family. He's as cute as can be and yes, I resisted grabbing his photo and posting it here or divulging the name that I know of... it's always changing! until she posts an official announcement! Congratulations Kara!