Finally, we reached Eli's last due date today. He would have probably arrived before now but it does help make things all feel a little more final. I don't know if I WANT them to feel final but they are. Our last butterfly came out of his chrysalis today so when Jim got home from work we took them outside to release them in Eli's garden. Three of them were beyond ready to go and were gone in the blink of an eye. The fourth took a little more urging but once he felt the breeze he took off with ease as well. The fifth butterfly hung around. I don't think he had enough time to gain the strength to fly yet so we let him sit in the garden for a while and he tried to fly but couldn't make it too far so he crawled back on Jim's finger and we'll let him go tomorrow after he has gained more strength. I guess it was strange to watch life imitate... life. We had one butterfly for each of our losses, three took off quickly and two stayed around a bit longer. I don't know, there was something oddly comforting about it.
I've been trying to keep busy to keep my mind off this week however, this week was hard to ignore and even while trying to keep busy, I haven't been able to focus on anything productive really. I never could have imagined, 5 months ago, that instead of getting into the groove of having a newborn again I would have three more losses to my name. I really thought that after the first two losses and then two healthy kids, that my body finally had figured out "how to do it". I guess I was wrong.
I was hoping that tonight I'd be able to come up with something clever? Meaningful? Inspirational? But I really just feel like I'm rambling so instead of going on further I just want to say thanks to each and every one of you who have lifted me up through my loss of Eli and the two early miscarriages I've had since.
I'll just share a few photos of the butterflies this evening:
5 comments:
Those are truly beautiful butterflies!
and I think it is poetic how they each ended up flying off in their own time
Those butterflies are stunning!! Kaylee made me look at them three times!
Been thinking of you - xoxo
Very vivid pics. Your yard seems like such a lovely, peaceful place.
Amazing post, pictures and stories. While it is heart breaking it is also inspiring. Your all, always in our thoughts!
-h
Hi Kristi,
I have 2 things to say. One, good for you for taking care of you, and not putting pressure on yourself to post everyday. It's good to mix things up a bit and change patterns that might not be the best for us.
Two, I really miss your everyday posts. :) I've found myself thinking, "what in the world is Kristi up to??" :)
Mostly I just wanted to say, I'm thinking about you! Looking forward to whatever (and whenever) you post again. :) ha ha. Seriously, don't feel pressure, I'm pretty much joking.
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