Peaceful

It's almost hard for me believe but one year ago today, Collin was taken from us. The day actually passed quite peacefully and very "normally". I was a little more tired than normal but it certainly didn't have the sting that I thought it might. I remember feeling the same way with Eli's one year mark. In fact, there's almost something that feels very healing with getting past that date... like a weight is lifted from my shoulders.

I thought, a few times, about what last year was like but baby girl kept me very reassured by making sure her feet were properly wedged under my ribs, getting the hiccups and startling when I closed the dryer door.

There was quite a large chunk of today that I didn't even think about the fact that it was "that" day. We ordered a new infant car seat and I messed around with some of the cloth diapers that I've gotten for her. That was along side house cleaning, laundry, getting kids ready for school, taking Karleigh to her Daisy Scout meeting. Perhaps it would have been a bit different if I wasn't pregnant again but thankfully, I don't know.

There were also moments when I just sat and reflected a bit and true to the way He works, I received a beautiful silver heart charm in the mail today from one of my girlfriends who has walked right beside me these past (almost) 23 months. My heart will always remember Collin and Eli and the other babies that we lost but sadness and longing for them isn't going to bring them back and frankly, I'm not sure that I would want to go all my life long not knowing some of the women that I have met and reconnected with along this journey. It's just a part of who am I now and I'm really ok with that.

Really.