Thursday Thoughts...

Once upon a time, I just sat down and spewed some random thoughts - things that I probably could have done an entire entry for. It seems that I have been doing a lot of "baby talk" here but that's what helps keep me looking forward. The reality is, once again I have a whole knot of thoughts that I really haven't been able to untangle so here is a little insight into some of them:

~ I'm still uncomfortable talking about or even acknowledging this pregnancy, to people in real life. The Daisy moms and I were sitting around during Karleigh's birthday party and of course, the pregnancy/labor discussion came up while the girls were playing. One of the others mentioned that she was put on bed rest at 24 weeks (which I was at the time) with her daughter because she was dilated to 2 "...and you know, at that age, they're so small they can practically fall out when you're at a 2." Ugh. Of course I didn't say anything but in my experience, you have to dilate to about 6 to deliver at 16 weeks but who's counting? At the point of this conversation, there was, perhaps, speculation about a pregnancy but none of them has outright asked me. But, I also haven't said "hey guess what?!"

~ I'm going nutty being pregnant, wanting everything perfect, and having a dog that's still a puppy. Seriously, some days I feel like I'm losing my mind with him. He probably needs a buddy but that would make me even more crazy and we've got enough of that around here as it is. I'm hoping that when the kids are home this summer, things get better. I could just be fooling myself though. We'll see.

~ The sun is shining and I'm torn between going outside and doing some yard work or finishing up a project in the house... or blogging ;) You see which is winning.

~ Diapers, no I didn't sew them, Hillary. I wish I had the patience for that right now. My friend "S" helped to enable that stash when she sent me two boxes full of of various diapering items. Right now, there are 36 infant prefolds, 14 covers, 27 various fitteds (some one size, some sized, some with snaps and some snappiables - you don't have to use diaper pins if you don't want to!) I have one system that switches out with a snap in liner, reusable outer shell and cloth inserts. I also ordered a starter set of Gro Baby today that includes the cloth inserts and then picked up a bunch of their disposable inserts on a mega seconds sale today. Seconds because the boxes have issues, no biggie to me!

~ This has been an really interesting time for us. One of my really close friends told me that her months of pregnancy after loss were some of the worst, emotionally, for her. It certainly is easy to have down days. I love the fact that I'm pregnant with a seemingly healthy pregnancy but in the last 2 years I've grown so close to women who were also thrilled to have healthy pregnancies who went on to experience loss. I feel like I'm going through the motions of getting ready, the room is pretty well set, things have been ordered, lists have been made but at the same time, I'm having a hard time picturing the end result where it doesn't involve sad tears and a memory box. I'm actually kind of glad that I had to wait this long to get to a, likely, happy outcome because I'm not wishing that I could have Eli or Collin or any of the others back. I'm just trying to have faith that this will be our happy ending.

~ Bedroom situation, since you asked Jamie! We have the three bedrooms upstairs so we moved out of the larger of the three and moved into one of the smaller rooms and then moved Karleigh and her twin bed, along with the crib, into that larger room. Every square inch of that room has been repainted (except for the glass in the windows!) Luckily, we already had the closet re-done for two kids when we moved Karleigh and Rylan together in that room in anticipation of getting the nursery set up for Eli. Our room is a very tight squeeze but since we're not the type to hang out in our bedroom for anything other than sleeping or maybe watching the news or a movie, we'll be fine.

~ I was expecting to have a few more "deep thoughts" but I guess they're gone! I've been pretty tired this week after a marathon 3-day weekend with Jim home and us trying to get everything cleaned out and set up upstairs before I get even more uncomfortable. (again Jamie, I need to get your Chiro's info!) Which makes me think of my friend Kaylee who is a month closer to meeting her number three kiddo but is also in the midst of a move from PA to AZ! If you could keep her and her family in your thoughts and prayers (finding a home...) I would really appreciate it!

~ I think it might be time for a blog update. What do you think? This one seems slightly... depressing. I'm changing, maybe it's time for my layout to change too.

I guess that's it for now. Sorry none of that really went anywhere but I hope you're having a great Thursday!