Withdrawn

In an effort to keep the upcoming "birthday" off my mind, I've been continuing to try to go about life as normal... at least normal for me. Today was a big day as Jim stopped by Karleigh's preschool and officially withdrew her. The director didn't even ask why. Apparently a bit of time passed she ended up calling Jim to ask why.
I love my diplomatic husband.
He just said "after thinking about it for some time now, we have decided that she will be able to learn more at home with her mom." He figured that was the easiest and nicest way to say "the girl needs to be learning something." I'm glad she didn't call and ask me. I probably would have been caught off guard and given all sorts of reasons.

I do feel a bit sad about taking her from a place where she's made some friends however, she doesn't really seem to care but she's very excited to start Kindergarten and meet new friends. A class of kids that will be the same, five days a week? I think we're all looking forward to that. I'm realizing that she really didn't even get the opportunity to interact with her classmates much at all and that's probably why it's not a big deal to her. I think now that she's had even just a little bit of time in a "real" school setting, she realizes how much fun she is going to have next year. I really realized the difference when the Kindergarten teacher said "I'd be concerned that something was amiss if I walked into a totally silent room of 5 year olds." Karleigh's old preschool? Always very quiet. I guess that would be the upside to this preschool experience - the rest of her schooling is going to seem fun! Oh, and the fact that she'll be "allowed" to write her own name on her own papers??? she's thrilled!
And then I realize that yes, in fact, that was the right decision.
Without a doubt!

With the preschool issues aside, yay!, I feel such a weight lifted by removing the negative issues in my life... I will hopefully be able to move on to redoing Rylan's room this weekend. His bedding is scheduled to arrive on Wednesday and then I can decide on the final paint color. He's been cracking me up lately. Yesterday he said "Mom? I want a new bedroom... I want a HOCKEY room! -------- Just kidding, I want an airplane room!" Silly guy. So, I'm hoping it arrives as scheduled and that he loves it when he sees it.

Life has just been pretty "normal" around here. No major issues that can't be solved. No major dramas weighing on my mind. I'm actually feeling pretty... balanced. I've not made any decisions one way or another on the baby topic. It's not even an issue that I should be visiting until I get this week behind me. Right now I'm just taking that 'what will be, will be' stance because I can't pretend to know what the right make-up of our family is so I'm not going to stress about it. I'm enjoying the kids together. I'm enjoying the ages they are, that they're able to help with yard work (and love it and learn from it), that they're able to play games together without fighting, that they both have impeccable manners and are so full of love.

I guess I'm at a point where I don't think that this blog is going to always seem to focus on the sadness that I feel. I will feel it for the rest of my life but just like I brush my hair every day, I'm not going to blog about how it felt if that makes any sense at all. I really thought that my "rainbow" was going to be another baby. Perhaps my rainbow is not a baby. Maybe it's something else that I can't even imagine right now. Or maybe, it's just enjoying every day and smiling a bit more, not letting outside influences get to me and being the best mom and wife that I can be. I guess only time will tell!

And that's OK...