Eli's Birthday (part 2)

Turns out, as with most everything, the anticipation was far worse than the reality. The day didn't come and go without tears but it also didn't come and go without laughter. I want to thank each and every one of you who sent messages of support today, here, on BBC, on Facebook and email. It's nice to know that Jim and I weren't alone today.

I didn't have any big epiphanies or anything like that this afternoon but I did get some yard work done while the weather was still nice and the kids both napped, at the same time, for me. I also connected with a gal who I went, pretty much, all through school with. Sadly though, it's because "this" part of our lives is so similar. It just goes to show that you never know who has walked a similar path. From the outside things can look so perfect and on the inside, you can feel very broken. I am very blessed that I had the support system in place that I did. Part of that support system was there because again, someone else had walked the path before me. It stinks that we have to feel the emotional and, frankly, physical pain of losing our babies but it's also part of the beauty of life. Where one story ends, another one begins.

I received a card in the mail today that craked me up... it (was pink, thankyouverymuch!) and had a Tori Amos quote on the front - "You know that saying, bad things don't happen to good people? That's a lie." That's sure the truth isn't it? Bad, I guess though, is a relative term and we get to decide what we view as "bad" and that is where so much power lies. Sure, it's easy to say that losing 7 pregnancies is a bad thing but then I think about all the "good" things that have come from it and it certainly lessens the sting of the losses.

I must say that it's actually quite nice to have all of the "firsts" behind me now. Do I think that now that I've gone through all of the grief stages that I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning feeling like my old "pimptastic" (words from an old-school guy friend today) self? Probably not, but there is a relief in having this first year behind me... for Eli at least.