34 weeks

It feels so close and yet so far! I'm not sure I'm looking any different from the last few weeks but I'm feeling different so I guess that counts for something.



There were some things that I thought I would have done by this point like...
Professional maternity photos. We've never done them before and this obviously (unless something totally bizarre happens) is our last opportunity.
3D/4D ultrasound to get a fun quick peek at the little bit. I thought for sure we would have made an appointment but again, we didn't get around to it and now the poor girl is so low and getting big enough that the images really wouldn't be all that good.
Family trip. I thought that perhaps we would have made a trip to the beach for the 4 of us to have some "us" time before baby.
... and you know what, none of that bothers me!

We're actually making plans that sound like...
"We won't need to buy a seat for her, I'll just wear her and we can even take the ferry over if you want." and "We can all go to the movie. She'll probably just eat and sleep through it anyway!"

I'm having such a hard time focusing, this is just a total jumble! Hopefully my brain regenerates quickly after this delivery. I've been such a mush head. Pregnancy brain alone is bad enough but add in the extra anxiety and all of the other thoughts that are constantly running through my head and well... you get something totally useless!

Thursday Thoughts!

Remember this statement from my last post, "I'm pretty sure it's safe to say... that's all we're going to get" when referencing the lack of snow this year?
Yah.
Me too.

It's a good thing I'm not a meteorologist!



On the other hand, it really wasn't a big deal at all. It snowed really hard for an hour or so and then melted almost as quickly. No school delays, no snowballs, pretty much just watched Max run around like the crazy dog he is! Now, hopefully that's the last of it. Come on spring!

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The closer we get to my due date, the bigger I get.
Duh!
But, there are some benefits to this...

1) I can wipe down the far side of the dining room table while my belly dries and polishes the near side!

2) I never slam the pantry door open into the wall anymore. My belly always stops it.

3) While doing dishes, I no longer have to wipe the water from in front of the sink and off the floor. You guessed it, my tummy makes sure that my sweatshirt soaks it up and there's no water making it to the floor.

4) I will soon be off of laundry duty since I can barely reach the bottom of the washing machine anymore. My arms are just not long enough anymore! I honestly do not remember that being an issue with Karleigh or Rylan. Hummm...

5) I no longer dribble food on my pants! However, all of my shirts seem to have spots on them right on the tummy. I guess that's a plus and a minus.

6) I can easily get Rylan's attention while brushing his teeth. I'm not kidding, that poor kid has gotten knocked off his step-stool 3 times this week. ...keeps him on his toes!

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Yesterday Jim and I went to my 34 week appointment. Rather drama free which is always nice! My a fore mentioned tummy is now measuring just a tiny bit ahead. I told him about the frequency and intensity of my Braxton Hicks and that some of them are accompanied by some uncomfortable cramping. He basically said that I'm good to go at any point and that he has no worries. That was sure a reality check! He also doesn't want me going too far from the immediate area considering the speed and timing of Rylan's delivery. So, that does cut into one last hurrah that I had planned to Seattle at the end of this month but honestly, I do understand. I would have been up there within days of when I went into labor with Rylan and his labor was only 4 hours long... Honestly, I have no guesses about when this little bit will make her appearance. I know Jim thinks sooner than later. I'm just hoping she doesn't come 2 weeks late! But in the end my "demands" are pretty minimal. Safe and sound is what I'm going for.

Spring Fever!

I'm loving the great weather! It really does not feel like early March around here. It feels more like April (which in its own way is killing me!) But at the same time, it's nice to be able to open the windows or head outside for fresh air without an umbrella or snow boots. Actually, we got maybe 4" of snow this winter season and I'm pretty sure it's safe to say... that's all we're going to get. So strange after the last couple years around here. The mild weather has sure done a job on the lawn which is now quite loaded with moss. I'm sure Jim will get that under control soon though.

I went outside this afternoon after the kids got home from school and snapped a few pics around the yard.

Yes, Spring Fever indeed!

In more "regular life" news: Karleigh lost ANOTHER tooth this evening. Once again she climbed up on what remains of my lap and asked me to give it a wiggle. Within just a couple minutes and one "pop", there it was between my finger and thumb! She's getting quite the... interesting... smile!

Regular ol' life! That's good stuff :)

Regular Life

It seems as though I'm back on "cruise control" for a while. And that's certainly not a bad thing! Although it has left me with not a whole lot to say here in blog-land. I've been continuing to work through some of the things that I'd like to get done before Stella gets here. I've also been just going about our regular life which feels really good. I've had my camera out some but not a whole lot. I mean really... who wants to see photos of how we spent today??? Getting new brakes on the van. Exciting stuff I tell ya!

Over the past few days I have been working on repainting the back porch which is really much like a mudroom and it's nice to have that space to hang up coats and backpacks and put away shoes. However, it's also our main entry. So it drives me bonkers to have it dirty and dingy. It flows with the kitchen now, same paint colors, and although I know it will look dirty if the dog walks in and shakes while he's wet and dirty, it'll wash easier. I have decided that I think that's IT for "big" projects for me for now. Anything else and I'll just be the supervisor. :) (I have no idea why the wall looks all wonky in the 'before' pic, it's just a photo compression issue.)

The kids both have major cases of Spring Fever. There's been a lot of just being kind of mouthy and hyper mixed in with their usual pretty cool selves. I even asked Karleigh's teacher if she's been this... and Mrs. B interjected with "Squirly?" and she said "yes, a bit more than normal." I was hoping that it was just for my "benefit" while I was volunteering but she's assuming the same about the kids having a mean case of Spring Fever and that she also thinks it's because Karleigh's bored. Understandable but I still expect my kid to be "present" even if she might think that the things they're going over are a bit boring. On a brighter note, she lost another tooth last night! She has had three that have been sort of loose but after an apple she decided that the one right next to her new permanent tooth should come out. She laid across my lap, asked me to pull it (I scoffed at the idea in my head but whatever) and the next thing I knew, it was right there between my fingers!

We really just need the weather to get a bit warmer so they run off their energy outside. Adjusting to preschool has been kind of tough for Rylan. He's a morning person like his daddy so he's up by 7 every morning but he's in the afternoon session so he's pretty spent by the time he gets home at 3:15. And when he's tired, he doesn't make the best decisions. However, he's obviously good at multitasking since he decided to go ahead ad grab a quick nap during a time-out the other day :)

Friday Fotos!

I know, I know. My last few posts haven't had any photos in them so I sat down tonight and looked over some of the pictures that I've taken over the last few days. Like I said, we've still been living our normal life even if I've been a bit down in the dumps.

I didn't take a belly pic last week and actually, Karleigh got on my case about it so we took care of that this evening. I'm ready for this little one to drop a bit in hopes that it will ease the heartburn/reflux and inability to eat much at a time. Although, then you get to deal with some other uncomfortable issues so I suppose I'll take this now and the other later!

I've gained 20 pounds now which is more than I gained with Rylan's whole pregnancy but half as much as I gained with Karleigh by the end so I'm curious to see where I end up. Not that it matters really, I just find it interesting how different each one has been.

It's fun to see how much these two love their little sister already. Karleigh will randomly walk up to me and hug my belly or give it a kiss and run off. She loves to go through the baby clothes and arrange outfits or try to decide what Stella's going to wear on her 3rd, 4th and 5th nights home. She has the wardrobe all planned out.

Rylan crawls into bed with us every morning (and way too early if you ask me). He always whispers, "Is baby Stella awake?" I tell him either yes or no. She's usually sleeping UNTIL he jumps into bed and gets all wiggly. Then he puts one arm under my neck and the other on my belly and gasps and giggles every time she kicks, squirms and rolls around. I really should attempt to get it on video because I think it's super cute but I don't know if he'll act weird with the camera on.

Probably.

He tends to enjoy documenting his kookiness!

Randomness

It's been over a week since I blogged anything. No particular reason. This is a tough time of year for me and I slipped little over the last week, falling into a funk. Most people don't "get it" and I'm glad about that. Most people think I should be breathing easy now. I've made it past my major points in time but I'm not also so naive as to think that I'm bullet proof now. My heart has gone out to too many who were in the clear too. I'm not trying to have a Debbie Downer attitude, in fact I'm really trying desperately to avoid that but it's hard, dare I say, impossible to not slip at some point. I am very thankful for one of my "soul sisters" who lovingly reminded me that it's OK and that it's always the darkest before the light.

We received the infant car seat last week, it's cute! I'm always a little nervous about ordering something on-line before seeing it in real life. Ironically, we received Stella's going home outfit (that we let the kids pick out) on Eli's 2 year birthday? ...there really is no right word for it... I've been doing a lot more shopping on-line this time than ever before. However, after the last attempt to go shopping with two kids who are generally very well behaved in public, I couldn't be more pleased with the on-line shopping option. Plus, the UPS driver actually brings my packages closer to the house than when I park in our driveway out of the way for the mini-bus. Also super exciting was receiving some cute, tiny pj's in the mail from one of my fellow bloggers who has followed along for the last 2 years. She has a daughter born the same time that Eli would have been had he made it to term. Thank you!

Wow, this is really boring! There's so much in my head. Some that I want to say and some that I want to keep for myself.

Oh, I had an OB appointment on Wednesday and, as you might recall, several weeks ago I was measuring a bit ahead... now I'm measuring a bit behind. I'm not worried at all though as measuring fundal height is certainly a far cry from a perfect science. Everything else was perfect though. I'll go back in two weeks again. I really feel like I should have SOME questions but I just don't really. Oh well, makes for quick appointments.

My Braxton Hicks contractions are starting to get pretty intense. They must get stronger with each pregnancy because I don't even remember noticing them with Karleigh. I've had a few contractions that feel like the (early) real thing but nothing to get excited or concerned about.

Other than that, we've just been going about normal life... Daisy scouts, school, cleaning, rearranging furniture, re-rearranging furniture ;) and trying to get things marked off of my to-do list without adding too many new things to it! I could probably pound it out in a few days if I really focused but the fact that I've decided that bending over to pick anything up is overrated, well... it's probably going to take a bit longer.

So, that's where I've been. It's not all been a black abyss but there have been a few dark days. There have also been some really bright points. I suppose it all averages out and makes it normal and that's all I've been going for all along anyway right?

Seven hundred thirty (and a half) days

Two years ago it was all ending.
Or starting.
I guess it depends on how you look at it.

Today was freakishly not unlike February 17th, 2008. Sunny, clear, and almost warmish. Honestly, I've been trying to not really think too much about the day. It's such a strange juxtaposition thinking about where I was 2 years ago, knowing that Eli was not going to be the happy ending that we were just assuming he would be, while little Miss Stella rocks and rolls all day long. Frankly, the last two days her movements haven't just been reassuring, they've been downright painful so there's no chance of me being concerned for her immediate well-being. I hope she continues to let me know she's here to stay over the next few days.

I haven't taken the time to really think about the path that's behind me or the one that's ahead of me. Most days it's really just a case of, it is what it is. I've made some unbelievable new friends, lost some who I thought were friends and reconnected with some "old" friends. All changes that have been a real blessing. Of course there are a few rock-solid, not going anywhere no matter what friends too.

My mind doesn't wander to "why me".
I don't sit in a constant state of feeling sorry for myself.
I do feel very blessed to be pregnant with this little girl.

I would love to say it's been a happy-go-lucky time. I can't. I've been stressed ...and scared ...and edgy ...and a bit detached. I've been trying though. On the other hand I've also found it really hard to complain about the extreme pain in my lower back, the acid reflux, the exhaustion, the shots to my nether-regions, the Braxton-Hicks contractions every night and the kicks, stretches and punches that make me grimace. I know that in a short time, this will all be a distant memory replaced by a different view along the path.

I'm pretty certain that had there been a choice in the matter, this isn't the way I would have chosen everything to play out. However, that wasn't up to me (of course) and I'm not bitter about it. I'm actually really ok with it. Not in a "Yay! Dead babies!" kind of way but in just a sense of peace about it way. Sure I have days that I still think about what it might be like with an 18 month old little guy running around right now but that's not my reality. My reality is something different on the horizon and it usually brings be an overwhelming sense of peace.

And I think that's a good thing.

And certainly not what I expected to be able to say seven hundred thirty days ago...