I Like Fridays

Well, I do.

Not that weekends or week days really mean that much when you're a stay-at-home-mom whose husband usually works on Saturday but still, I like them. Friday is when I get to tick off another week completed in this pregnancy (by the most conservative date I've been given). I feel accomplished on Friday and usually have a burst of house cleaning / project completing energy. Anyway, I guess that's just to say that I'm in a pretty good mood today.

Jim was out of town, overnight, for work yesterday and both kids have pretty nasty coughs. In fact Rylan stayed home from preschool yesterday and again today. So, it was very quiet in the house last night after about 7 pm. I decided that would be a great time to work on a painting that I've been thinking about for the girls' room. I wonder when I'm going to get used to saying that? I have really liked the tress/branches/birds that people are using in their decorating lately but I didn't really want to go the stick on vinyl route. We used some "removable" decorating stickers shortly after Karleigh turned two and 6 months later when she changed her mind about wanting to stare at Dora characters every day, we removed them. Some of them left sticky residue behind, some took paint with them and some came off nice and clean just like they were supposed to. I didn't feel like risking that again. The other option was to just paint it directly onto the wall but with the super smooth surface of our walls, when it came time to paint over it, I'm sure I would have to have sanded to get the brush strokes and texture off the wall before painting over it. Also not the best idea in my book. So? I compromised and moved to something that I was more comfortable with. Stretched canvas.

Last night I got the whole thing painted, pretty close to what I had imagined in my head, and got the set hung up this morning. They hang next to Karleigh's bed between the wall and the window. She used to have letters that spelled DREAM in that spot in her old room but, believe it or not, they did not fit in the new space. So, three 12x12 canvases it is!

I had my 28 week appointment on Wednesday where we did all the regular stuff - I've added almost 20 pounds already. Yikes! I only gained 19 with Rylan but 40 with Karleigh so I guess I'll end up somewhere in the middle. 25 to 30 was what I should have been aiming for so we'll see. I haven't been making any effort about it one way or another. Along with the regular OB appointment stuff I also had my glucose test to check for gestational diabetes. At the time of the blood draw they also drew iron levels. I got the call back yesterday and my glucose levels were well within normal limits. Woohoo! The iron on the other hand? Not so much woohoo. Apparently I'm anemic enough that my doc doesn't think I'll get my numbers up with foods alone so now I'm on an iron supplement. No biggie though. I'd rather know now and get it straightened out before delivery. I'll be interested to see how my energy levels are in about a week or so. I'd been feeling more tired - needing to take more breaks - than I remembered having to before. We'll see!

All in all, it's been a pretty good week even with sick kiddos. Jim's birthday was Tuesday. We're getting things crossed off our to-do list... you like how I said "our"? ;) And we're one week closer. Closer to what exactly, I'm not sure I know. Believe it or not, I haven't thought about how our lives are going to change. It's just been very matter-of-fact, if/when she comes home we'll do x,y,z to make things work. There's been physical planning but, at least for me, not a whole lot of emotional planning. I'm having a hard time going to that place.

Oh! But on a super duper happy note: our hospital has lifted their H1N1 ban. Karleigh was beyond mad that she was not going to be allowed to visit her sister in the hospital after she was born and that she was going to have to wait until we brought the baby home. I'm pretty happy about it too. So, now we just need to come up with a couple of kid care plans for D day. Of course my mom would like to be here and do the grandma thing but frankly, Rylan's labor and birth was so fast (4 hours) compared to Karleigh's labor and birth (38 hours!!!) that she didn't even make it to the hospital before we were both all cleaned up and just hanging out. Anyway. Another thought for another time!

Life and Third Trimester

Life!
Last night we all attended Karleigh's first Daisy Scout Court of Awards ceremony where the girls received the 3 petals they have earned so far this year. Her leader did a great job making it special by obtaining use of the stage at the school and having refreshments afterwards. It was a very short ceremony and at 7 pm, with a group of nine 5 and 6 year olds... that is a very good thing! The girls did great and Karleigh had a blast being the main "speaker" while leading the ceremony.

Such a funny group of girls. Nine girls, about 20 cameras, poor things! This was about as good as the group shot got. :) It's so much fun to watch them develop friendships with each other. During refreshment with their families, the girls all sat at the same table with each other instead of hanging out with the families. It was hilarious to listen to them chatter away.

And can I say, I thought the way that her leader attached the petals to the foam flowers was brilliant and so cute! Of course we'll give them back so she can use them again but I thought it was such a great idea. I'm a sucker for stuff like that!
Also, this gaggle of girls, it's hilarious to try to keep everyone straight: Karleigh, Kayla, Kelly, Laney, Chloe, Kenzie, Trista, Kailey and Juliann. We do a lot of "hey"-ing at the meetings. :) Anyway, it's fun to watch the girls experience life and the friendships that go along with it.

Third Trimester!
I also realized (because I've been trying to take things day by day) that I'm happily there! I promised myself that I was going to take more belly pics this time. I have a few from Karleigh and Rylan, one from Collin and I was so upset that sadly, I deleted all of my belly pics from when I was pregnant with Eli. Dumb. I wish I could change it but I can't so I'm making sure that I have them this time. I don't think I really look much different this week but she feels bigger and spends a lot of time with her feet in my ribs so I can tell she's growing and stretching!

While I was taking these pics, Rylan (the poor soon to be middle child) wandered in. He asked what I was doing and I told him that I was taking pictures of my tummy. So, he said he wanted to too. Who am I to argue? I got one good one from him and then he remembered the beeps for the timer on my camera and it went downhill from there with lots of last second ninja moves, but this one is a keeper :) Just him being his sweet self without his fake, cheese, smile.

This was one sneak attack that actually turned out pretty cute too. It was his favorite so I decided to work with it for him.


I always feel bad when I do a post without pictures. So hopefully this makes up a little bit for my last post!

Thursday Thoughts...

Once upon a time, I just sat down and spewed some random thoughts - things that I probably could have done an entire entry for. It seems that I have been doing a lot of "baby talk" here but that's what helps keep me looking forward. The reality is, once again I have a whole knot of thoughts that I really haven't been able to untangle so here is a little insight into some of them:

~ I'm still uncomfortable talking about or even acknowledging this pregnancy, to people in real life. The Daisy moms and I were sitting around during Karleigh's birthday party and of course, the pregnancy/labor discussion came up while the girls were playing. One of the others mentioned that she was put on bed rest at 24 weeks (which I was at the time) with her daughter because she was dilated to 2 "...and you know, at that age, they're so small they can practically fall out when you're at a 2." Ugh. Of course I didn't say anything but in my experience, you have to dilate to about 6 to deliver at 16 weeks but who's counting? At the point of this conversation, there was, perhaps, speculation about a pregnancy but none of them has outright asked me. But, I also haven't said "hey guess what?!"

~ I'm going nutty being pregnant, wanting everything perfect, and having a dog that's still a puppy. Seriously, some days I feel like I'm losing my mind with him. He probably needs a buddy but that would make me even more crazy and we've got enough of that around here as it is. I'm hoping that when the kids are home this summer, things get better. I could just be fooling myself though. We'll see.

~ The sun is shining and I'm torn between going outside and doing some yard work or finishing up a project in the house... or blogging ;) You see which is winning.

~ Diapers, no I didn't sew them, Hillary. I wish I had the patience for that right now. My friend "S" helped to enable that stash when she sent me two boxes full of of various diapering items. Right now, there are 36 infant prefolds, 14 covers, 27 various fitteds (some one size, some sized, some with snaps and some snappiables - you don't have to use diaper pins if you don't want to!) I have one system that switches out with a snap in liner, reusable outer shell and cloth inserts. I also ordered a starter set of Gro Baby today that includes the cloth inserts and then picked up a bunch of their disposable inserts on a mega seconds sale today. Seconds because the boxes have issues, no biggie to me!

~ This has been an really interesting time for us. One of my really close friends told me that her months of pregnancy after loss were some of the worst, emotionally, for her. It certainly is easy to have down days. I love the fact that I'm pregnant with a seemingly healthy pregnancy but in the last 2 years I've grown so close to women who were also thrilled to have healthy pregnancies who went on to experience loss. I feel like I'm going through the motions of getting ready, the room is pretty well set, things have been ordered, lists have been made but at the same time, I'm having a hard time picturing the end result where it doesn't involve sad tears and a memory box. I'm actually kind of glad that I had to wait this long to get to a, likely, happy outcome because I'm not wishing that I could have Eli or Collin or any of the others back. I'm just trying to have faith that this will be our happy ending.

~ Bedroom situation, since you asked Jamie! We have the three bedrooms upstairs so we moved out of the larger of the three and moved into one of the smaller rooms and then moved Karleigh and her twin bed, along with the crib, into that larger room. Every square inch of that room has been repainted (except for the glass in the windows!) Luckily, we already had the closet re-done for two kids when we moved Karleigh and Rylan together in that room in anticipation of getting the nursery set up for Eli. Our room is a very tight squeeze but since we're not the type to hang out in our bedroom for anything other than sleeping or maybe watching the news or a movie, we'll be fine.

~ I was expecting to have a few more "deep thoughts" but I guess they're gone! I've been pretty tired this week after a marathon 3-day weekend with Jim home and us trying to get everything cleaned out and set up upstairs before I get even more uncomfortable. (again Jamie, I need to get your Chiro's info!) Which makes me think of my friend Kaylee who is a month closer to meeting her number three kiddo but is also in the midst of a move from PA to AZ! If you could keep her and her family in your thoughts and prayers (finding a home...) I would really appreciate it!

~ I think it might be time for a blog update. What do you think? This one seems slightly... depressing. I'm changing, maybe it's time for my layout to change too.

I guess that's it for now. Sorry none of that really went anywhere but I hope you're having a great Thursday!

One Word Wednesday...

WOW...

Still Growing!

I've noticed the last couple of weeks that I feel huge. My pelvic girdle pain has really been acting up and there's not much at all that I can do about it except just deal with it. So that's what I'll do!

I had an OB appointment today and everything is looking good. And I'm measuring a fair bit ahead. That explains the feeling huge part! I didn't ask HOW far ahead since I don't want to read anything more into it than, yup, you're getting big. And really, it's not like we grow small babies anyway. So, it is what it is.
She's growing.
She's kicking and punching.
A lot.

It's hard to believe but my appointments are now going to be every 2 weeks and my next one will be the fun, fun glucose test. I'm hoping that goes well. It hasn't been an issue at all in the past for me but the measuring big part has me going "hummmm..." in the back of my mind.

When I got home I decided that since I was wearing "real" clothes - read: not painting clothes or pj's - I would snap a quick picture since it's been 5 weeks since my last one.



The realization that we may actually be bringing a live baby home again is starting to get my nesting need in high gear. And really, who wants to be painting and rearranging furniture (or more accurately, directing the furniture moving) at the very last minute? I'm not a last minute person if I don't have to be and circumstances are within my control. So, I'm hoping that we can get a lot done during Jim's upcoming 3 day weekend. I've started the painting process by painting the "big" room ceiling and started on the walls. We'll be painting the varnished trim and doors white to lighten it all up and that'll take a fair bit of prep time so I'm trying to get a jump-start. Then we'll paint Karleigh's current room and we'll just trade her places. I'm annoyed with myself that I forgot to take "before" pics of our current room but oh well!

So, things are cranking around here and I'm so ready for spring to arrive. The warmish, wet weather isn't helping calm me down any and the flowers already poking their tiny green tips of new life through the soggy ground around here really, really isn't helping!

Peaceful

It's almost hard for me believe but one year ago today, Collin was taken from us. The day actually passed quite peacefully and very "normally". I was a little more tired than normal but it certainly didn't have the sting that I thought it might. I remember feeling the same way with Eli's one year mark. In fact, there's almost something that feels very healing with getting past that date... like a weight is lifted from my shoulders.

I thought, a few times, about what last year was like but baby girl kept me very reassured by making sure her feet were properly wedged under my ribs, getting the hiccups and startling when I closed the dryer door.

There was quite a large chunk of today that I didn't even think about the fact that it was "that" day. We ordered a new infant car seat and I messed around with some of the cloth diapers that I've gotten for her. That was along side house cleaning, laundry, getting kids ready for school, taking Karleigh to her Daisy Scout meeting. Perhaps it would have been a bit different if I wasn't pregnant again but thankfully, I don't know.

There were also moments when I just sat and reflected a bit and true to the way He works, I received a beautiful silver heart charm in the mail today from one of my girlfriends who has walked right beside me these past (almost) 23 months. My heart will always remember Collin and Eli and the other babies that we lost but sadness and longing for them isn't going to bring them back and frankly, I'm not sure that I would want to go all my life long not knowing some of the women that I have met and reconnected with along this journey. It's just a part of who am I now and I'm really ok with that.

Really.

Holding My Breath

I'm at a point where I'm ok with saying "I'm holding my breath." 2010 is off to a pretty great start around here! I'm basically a year out from losing Collin. Right now it seems like a whole other lifetime. I've got big things behind me and big things in front of me and that feels really good.

Karleigh is now six! She had her 6th birthday party with her Daisy Scout friends and it was great. It was noisy and chaotic and hot but I don't think they could have had more fun. The bonus? The party was held at a local kids play area. They took care of the set up and clean up. I just provided the cupcakes for the girls... she didn't even want me to go to the work of making a regular cake this year. Although it's not cheap to have a party at a play place, I think we actually came out money ahead and there's no doubt that I came out ahead on the stress level!

For her actual birthday she just wanted a "pj day" with pizza at home after staying up late on New Year's Eve and a slumber party in the living room. Easy enough! So we all sat around in our pj's all day, watched the parade, movies, she opened presents and we ate pizza. Not too shabby!

Today was back-to-school again and both kids were thrilled to get back at their routine... which unfortunately includes lots of whining from an over-tired Rylan at the end of the day and me totally forgetting to pack a snack for Karleigh but she was fine, her teacher has back-up snacks and Karleigh laughed at us for being so worried about it. She was just happy to get back to her friends and class today.

On the baby front, things are still going great and I'm thankful for Every. Single. Day. It's odd how I still feel newly pregnant even though I'm past the 24 week mark. I really should get on pulling it all together because I know that I hate feeling like I'm behind the 8-ball and it's all going to go really quickly from here on out. The third trimester always seems to go so fast and it's really weird for me to realize that it's just around the corner. On the other hand, aside from dragging the cradle out of the closet and purchasing a car seat I have everything to take care of a baby right now. We might be having to do laundry frequently but it could be done. It could also be done to a point where I'm much more comfortable with everything and that's what I'm aiming for!

So needless to say, I'm excited for 2010. I'm really going to focus this year on controlling the things that I can and doing those things to the best of my ability and equally as important... not worry about the things I have no control over. It's not an original idea or concept but it's one that I need to bring back into focus. My life has had areas, obviously, where I've had zero control over the situations and I think everything else got kind of dragged down with it. I'm ready to move forward!