Two Second Tuesday

“Give what you have. To someone else it may be better than you dare to think.”

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

...just some food for thought...

Before and After

Alright! Finally I have some before and after shots of Karleigh's room. The before shots are very "before" from some time last year. We had it arranged different than this when we started but, obviously, this is the best place for her bed.

I'm not totally done with it. I still need to decide on/find the fabric for the headboard that I'm going to make for her. I don't want to rush it though so I'll show it as it is right now. Well, right now there's a little girl in there... and a cat... and the lights had better be off! I'm planning on something different for her lamp, I just need to find the right base and I'm planning on putting crystal knobs on the dresser and table to match the door knobs but those are just little things.

So, here's what it looked like before:





And here's what it looked like tonight from Karleigh's point of view (and probably the best color representation):

What she sees from her bed:From the corner where her window is. I had to splice together four different photos to get this but it shows the room a bit better, as a whole:

It's crazy how much more serene her room is now. She works very hard at keeping it clean and even makes sure that she has her clothes picked out for school and hung on the shelf with hooks before she goes to bed. It's wonderful!!! I find myself just walking in there and sitting on her bed because it's so light and calming. It was quite the shock to look out the window and see the couple inches of snow since her room feels so "spring-y"? "spring-ish"?

The next room will be Rylan's. I'm excited since I asked him, several times, and each time he insisted that he wanted to keep his room in the vintage airplanes. So, I'll be buying new bedding for him but the rest of the accessories get to stay including the great mobile that my mom found for him in Astoria, OR. He loves that thing. I lost on the color choice though. I wanted a khaki color, he wants to keep it blue but that's ok since the bedding I found is not heavy on the blues like his sports stuff is. And we both agreed on the same furniture that Karleigh has but in a deep red for him. I'll probably get started on his paint this week or next. And then who knows what my next "challenge" will be??? I have a feeling that it will be the kitchen. I just haven't decided how much I want to get into. There's a lot that could be done but that will likely be a project that will be done in baby steps.

It is nice to have something else on which to focus my energy. Do I wish it were something or someone else? Sure. But this'll do. And it's fun to cruise the net and magazines for ideas! Thanks for keeping me accountable, Heather!

One Month

It's been a month now since we said our final goodbyes to Collin. Again, it is that odd time thing (seeming so long, yet so short at the same time) but that's ok. It was nice to check into the names in the sand site and find today, that Collin's was posted. It actually says that it was posted several days ago but this morning was the first that I saw it. I think it's beautiful!


I don't have a lot more for tonight. I'm just kind of tired. My parents came down, very last minute, yesterday. We went to a benefit for one of her oldest friends. They've been friends since school days, were in each others weddings... you get the idea. Last month they lost everything in a house fire. They got out with their lives which is the most important of course, but that was it. So it was one of those nice, give our support and love kind of things and so easy since they live two tiny towns to our east.

Today, we took my parents to breakfast and the wildlife refuge. We always see something different so that was fun. But, needless to say, I'm pretty tired! I'm looking forward to this next week. Finishing up projects that I started and getting started on other new ones! Rylan has decided that he wants to keep the vintage airplanes (yay!) so now it's just furniture and paint for him. And then??? Then we may move on to the kitchen!

Surpassing Understanding

The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds.

Philippians 4:7

I cannot recount how many times this verse has flowed through my mind the last day or so. It's one that has been set upon my heart so I decided to address it tonight.

I find my peace in Him. At a time when many would be questioning "why?", I'm not. Curiosity is much different from despairing cries of "why???!!!" Curious? Yes. Despairing? No.

I'm able to find peace in the moments, as a mother, when I could be going crazy. I find peace in Him while soaking my three year old in the tub, when he should have been in bed because he decided to finger paint with poo on his leg because he was 'bored while going yucky'.

I find peace while behind slow traffic or stopped for road construction. Not because I always give myself a lot of extra time, but because of the number of times I've realized that it happened for a reason, like just missing being a part of a fresh wreck.

I find peace in decisions that I make every single day because I rarely make an important one with out listening to Him first. Notice, I didn't say "talk to Him about it". It's about listening, not talking. How great would it be if we did that with all whom we love!

Is it because I'm just so enlightened? Hah! So very not the case. It's because I'm able to take all of my 'garbage' and lay it at His feet. Only He can take the really cruddy stuff and allow me to feel ok. Peaceful. Whole. I am so thankful for that!

These are days that could be very dark. Trust me, there is still pain and the light can be dim but however, He lights my path. When I sit and focus, everything becomes much more clear. That doesn't mean I understand it but it means that I'm at peace with not understanding and happy to continue to walk the path that has been set before me.

The other day when I was sitting outside, soaking up the beautiful winter sun, I was listening to this Lifehouse song, called Everything, and I just had to add it to my playlist. It's been running through my head now, nearly constantly, so I figured I'd share the lyrics here:

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need,
oh everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Juxtaposition

jux⋅ta⋅po⋅si⋅tion  [juhk-stuh-puh-zish-uhn]
–noun
1. an act or instance of placing close together or side by side, esp. for comparison or contrast.
2. the state of being close together or side by side.

As I sit outside on my swing in the yard of the old farmhouse, my computer on my lap in early February, warmed by the sun, it's the only word that comes to mind. The picture itself even makes me chuckle - which I can do without being "over" the deaths of my babies. It is possible, and quite ok, to feel joy and sorrow at the same time. Relief and disappointment do not have to be mutually exclusive.

Even as sad as Eli's garden looks from a distance right now, it makes me smile. There is new life just under the surface of the ground that has been fluffed up from daily frost. It may look battered and bruised on the outside but it's not beyond repair. It's taken several months now to heal and repair itself and in a very short while it will be even more full and stronger than it was last year. The roots will be deeper and the foliage will reach higher. If you look closely, you can see the bright green tops of many things starting to make their presence known. With only the fanfare from the babbling creek and a few birds, the garden began to sprout up again and show life. We will, of course, try to help bring it to its fullest potential by fertilizing and ridding it of things that could impact it negatively and try to protect it from the ever threatening intruders. We will also be adding a few new things in remembrance of Collin.

It doesn't take a whole lot of work to see the similarities of a garden and a life well lived.

Today is a good day. The sun has been shining all day and that does wonders for the emotions. I stopped by the grocery store after I picked Karleigh up from preschool (the grocery store as many moms of lost babies will tell you, is a huge hurdle for whatever reason. I think the main reason is that there's no warning signs - not for the pregnant mom or the dad yelling at his kid in the produce aisle or the young woman rubbing her tummy while trying to decide which pregnancy test to buy, there are lots of reasons) Then when we got home, instead of having the kids settle for nap time right away, we took a little nature hike.

The kids played in the creek, did a little bird watching, a little more bird scaring, hunting for the all elusive... stick. Yah, 90 acres and it's like they've hit the jackpot when they find the perfect one. But I digress. Racing up the fields and realizing that racing down the fields makes much more sense. It has been a beautiful, peaceful, afternoon.

You can see the "stick envy" as Rylan sees what Karleigh found...

But quickly, she stops a pout in its tracks...
And minutes later, helps him get his shoe back on.

It still doesn't keep my mind from drifting to thoughts of Collin and Eli. To thoughts of what we will do to remember Eli on "his day" later this month, if anything. We think of him daily so it's not like we really need to make a big production of anything. Some do though and I think it's great especially when they say that they feel such great closure. I just don't know if I want to go through it with the kids. They don't need to be reminded of what they're missing out on. Karleigh already mentions him enough as it is, I'm thinking that anything will be done just for myself.

At any rate, life can feel good and bad at the same time. Sometimes when situations are set side by side it makes it more clear which each is and makes the picture more complete. It's all part of God's perfect design.

Ask Me Monday

I've had an emotionally "blah" day today and don't feel like freely giving anything very internally personal right now that can be turned around on me, so I decided I'll do an "Ask Me Monday".

That's right, anything you might want to ask me, go ahead (in the comments section) and I'll try to answer. Want to know my favorite food? My most prized possession? How we came up with Karleigh's name? My shoe size? or something slightly deeper? Go ahead. Don't be afraid.

I'll come back and answer them in the comments section... at least that's my plan.

Never fear, I was still productive (not to be confused with reproductive). I got Karleigh's floor painted with a nice fresh coat of paint for under her new area rug, her dresser in her room and the old one out (we'll credit for that goes to Jim), some laundry done and some folded, books read with the kids and soaked up a little bit of natural vitamin D from the sun today!


psst... I'm, otherwise, pretty boring though so if you want to wait until I've got something "good" that's ok too! ;)

Super Box Sunday!

When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown!
Isaiah 43:2

Because of Him and because of my friends, that is so so true. I have so many life preservers to be so very thankful for.

I've been needing to do something a little bit emotionally therapeutic lately, besides venting here and appearing to be a total nut-job, which I may be, but that's beside the point right now. I've been needing to take some of this "whatever" and focus it on something productive. A Small Victory is having a memory box painting party next weekend and sure, I'd like to go but it's a little over three hours from here so I figured that instead of having a Super Bowl party today, I'd have my own little Super Box party. I would have liked to have done a few more (I really wanted to paint seven) but seriously, this was all of the stock that Michael's had. So, I grabbed my paints and got to work!


I wasn't sure where I was going to end up when I started. I didn't have anything particular in mind but I hope they turned out ok for Liz and sadly, for the families who will be receiving them.


A little tid-bit, the pink is what Karleigh's room was, the green is what it is now and the blue is what Rylan's room is painted. That just happens to be the way it worked out with what I picked up. There's also a little note on card stock inside. It was nice to work on them but sad to know that someone else was going to be receiving them.


We also went to IKEA today to pick up a new dresser and a bedside table for Karleigh's room. The bedside table is in and Jim is building the dresser as I type this. I know, I know, some of you are wanting a peek at her room...


... but only a little peek. Hopefully, I'll get it finished up, in full, this week. And then, it's on to Rylan's room!