Saturday Short...

I don't think I have anything too exciting today. I've just been hanging low and straightening up the house. I did get outside for a few minutes since there was a short break in the weather and was able to see that the radishes that K and I planted are popping up out of the dirt, looking for the sun - who isn't!?

I was able to snap a pic of Abby and Mumpy this morning at a "family event"...

...pretty cute huh!? Honestly, it was a little strange being at Build A Bear with the kids yesterday. We were planning on making their first visit very close to this time of year only it was going to be under different circumstances. We were planning to let them each make animals and then, together, make one to give to the baby when they visited at the hospital. As I have learned so often recently, plans change. It doesn't mean that life is now horrible and everything that we do now will always have a different meaning. What it means is that we have learned that we have to be fluid and change as our circumstances change, that's all but it's a huge lesson that takes so long to learn and accept.

The kiddos decided to invite Mumpy and Abby to a tea party this morning. Luckily the tea was only water and the treats were Kix! It was pretty cute to watch them have such a great time!

Friday Fun...

Oh man! It has been WET and COLD! This was Jim's last day of three off in a row and he had a meeting that he had to go to down in Oregon. So, instead of considering the day a waste, we got the kids up early and all went with him. The meeting was at one of the malls there and since we arrived early we grabbed some Starbucks and sat in the food court and chatted about our plans for the day which ended up including lots of play time in the play area, some shopping for a few new outfits for the kiddos, a new soccer ball, lunch at McD's and the biggest hit of all, a trip to Build A Bear Workshop. It's true that we're getting one of our own at "our" mall before too long but we decided why not? It's rainy and cold and wet. The kids loved it!

K picked out an orange tabby kitty with a heart beat (they were out of meows... I'm thinking, in hindsight, that's a good thing), a pink dress and matching shoes. Her name is Abby, of course. R picked out a monkey with the monkey sound (yah, that doesn't get old *not*), a Blazers uniform and a basket ball. His name is, get this, very creative... Mumpy. I would show you pics of Abby and Mumpy but they're both tucked into bed right now!

All in all it was a really good day, the kids were great again while we were out and they were crazy, playing together with their animals, when they got home. We did get thrown for a loop today as our 'check engine' light came on in the car and there's something about that light staring back at me that just sends me into total panic mode. We drove directly to the dealership and made an appointment for Monday because apparently, no one really works past 3:00 on Friday. Turns out, a solid light means that there's an emissions control that is outside of "normal" range and it's not a big deal. If the light is blinking... no more driving. Good to know. The service guy did tell us that it's very likely that the sensor that has a recall on it is what is causing the problem. Recall? Humm, that would have been nice to know about before the light came on. I find it interesting that the dealership has no problem telling us about the newest models, deals, sales, and specials but fails to send the recall information. At any rate, that part is going to be replaced for free anyway and if they can't get to it right away, they'll give us a rental. Not bad.

It's nice to feel like there is some sense of normalcy moving back into our lives. I felt like myself today. Part of it could have been that I was back in my old stomping ground from our college days and another part, I think is just the general healing that is taking place. Nice.

15 weeks 1 day...

Does that sound like a long time or a short time to you? That's how long it's been since I delivered Eli... I can't say "gave birth" because to me that means life as does "was born"... so usually I just say that's when I delivered him.

I have done a lot of thinking and a lot of writing and a lot of crying and even some laughing over that span of time. A lot of the time I feel like I'm doing much better but then you get those days - those gray, rainy, Pacific Northwest days that make you just want to pack up and head some where, any where where it's sunny. That will be something we do before too long if we have to.

It's strange because even though my life feels like it's kind of been in this weird in between place no body elses has stopped. My friends that are due to have their babies after me are all huge and cute and round and I'm back to 'normal'. They're complaining about being uncomfortable (the one huge pet peeve I have now) and I'm sleeping 'normally' - falling asleep on my stomach and waking up on my back - without worry of harming the child inside of me, because there isn't one. Blah. If the sun would make an appearance, I'd be glad that I was able to run around with the kids, sit in the sun and not be at all uncomfortable and clumsy but since all we're doing is hanging out in our sweats in the house, I sometimes feel like I might as well be round and pregnant. But I'm not. Anyway, that's enough of a vent there.

Back to yesterday. The pre-school visit went really well. K will have NO problem adjusting - she wanted to stay. The classes were on their bathroom and water break when we left and the hall was filled with a chorus of "Bye Karleigh!" so I think we're ok there. When we got back in the car she did say that she wished there were real desks so she could learn easier. I explained that in pre-school, most kids get to sit at those neat little tables instead of desks. She seemed to accept that answer only when I offered that cutting and pasting are easier at a table than at a little desk. Man, those chairs are SHORT though!

We then moved on to the mall to do a little shopping as evidenced by the outfit in the pic from yesterday and stopped at Starbucks for some "pink coffee". The barista's were so sweet to her - it could be because she walked up to the counter with total authority and ordered a "pink coffee please"! The barista asked her her name and so she told her. The lady asked "with a C?" and K said "no with a K... K...A...R...L, right mom? (me:yup!) ummm, E... or I?... E... I... G... H - that's it". They thought it was a beautiful spelling - which it is and every letter has meaning but it isn't the easiest one to spell. But, obviously, she'll get used to it! So, "Karleigh" and "Karleigh's Mommy" got our drinks and wandered down to the pet store.

It's times like that that I realize that my life is still moving on even when part of it feels like it's standing still too. That's what I mean about it being a really strange place for me. I'm actually looking forward to it next year though. We've been leading a pretty blissfully unscheduled life the last year or so, after being too over scheduled and scattered. It will be nice to get into a consistent routine. Maybe THAT will help me feel more like a grown up!

Less Word Wednesday...

The preschool visit went quite well and we had a lovely girly day, this little chicklet and me.

Whaaaa?...

Guess what?

I have NO idea what to write tonight.

Not one single clue... so I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I bet it will be VERY random and less than inspirational.

• Let's see, our big thing tomorrow is that K and I are going to go check out the proposed pre-school. There are a few in the area but this one seems good from the outside, so we're going to check out the inside tomorrow morning. This kid is growing up way too fast!



• I was reading the newest issue of Fitness magazine... ironically while drinking a banana milkshake tonight, and there were what? about 5 women lined up, mostly in their 30's and one was 28 as I recall. I looked at them and thought "WHOA, do I really look that old to everyone else?" Clearly, yes, according to the girls on MAX the other night. Not that it matters but I guess I don't look to me like someone who can say "why yes young man, I'm in my 30's..." humm... I wonder if I plastered a picture up where no one knew my age, what the guess would be. Have you ever seen the program 10 Years Younger? Yah, made me think of that. Anywhoo... what do you think? Maybe I just have a really distorted sense of perception...

• OH! While we were outside the other day we spotted a hurken snake in the flower garden that's right up against the wood shed. Now, where we live, we don't really have very many harmful snakes but this dude was pretty big. The kids loved it though... weirdos. Yah, K loved watching the snake but earlier in the day she went in the wood shed to grab some "organic material" (old cow poo) and came bolting back out, screeching and crying huge tears and slightly hyperventilating. She saw a mouse. A *quote* "big scary mouse, but it really wasn't that big just more scary and not really scary but it really startled me but I screamed so I probably scared it too..." All said through blubbering tears and screaming and then laughing because half way through her story she realized that it was just a mouse and that it was running away from her. However, she was quite glad to learn that the snake, later in the day, eats mice.


• I have told you how protective she is of Eli's Garden... well we HAD one little rabbit that was causing most of the damage. That won't be a problem anymore. We had a very determined fuzzy cat who took care of that "issue". When K overheard what had happened. She barely looked up from her corn on the cob and said "Well, good! but YUCK!" Come on! I was actually expecting her to be upset, but like I said, she loves that garden. In fact, that other night she woke up crying talking about how she was worried about what was going to get into the garden and eat the plants while we slept. So, here she is protecting the garden:
  


• R has had some more potty success. He managed to stay dry during our whole outing on Saturday and asked when he needed to use the bathroom and at the park yesterday he used the bathroom and he woke up dry from his nap today and used the potty most of the day too... I haven't had a gross pull-up in a few days now! Woohoo! (that was a terribly long sentence there!) He's getting to be a big boy too!

Yah, that's it! That's all I've got for tonight so I'm off to bed in a bit so I can get up ready to take on a whole new adventure with the pre-school thing. Reality is, it'll probably take less than 30 minutes but still... this is a big thing for both of us!

Project Impact...

"A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives..."
~Jackie Robinson

As I was putting the ticket stubs and MAX tickets away in our keepsake box, I flipped over this little post card that a PGE Park employee handed us as we left the game the other night. I really like the quote and thought it was worth sharing.

The quote made me think about how true it is on so many different levels. There are the obvious ones but I got to thinking about how it pertains to being a mother. Sure, as a mom I have an undeniable impact on my children's lives, that's a given. It is fair though to remind myself that I also control what kind of impact it is. I give them memories every day, are they the type of memories that I want to be giving them? Am I teaching them life lessons in a fun way? Or am I too uptight and wrapped up in myself and my "concerns" to let go a bit and have fun? I'd like to think not on the last issue.

I have been making a conscious effort to get back to being the fun mom that I used to be "before". I know that the tone of this blog is going to shift a bit as the up days become more frequent and the down days grow fewer and further between. That doesn't mean for one second that I'm better, that I'm over it, that I've healed... I probably never will. From experience, lucky me, I do know that the days will get easier and that's totally ok, actually, it's more than ok. It's GREAT! However, I am prepared for those days when I slip back into the grumps, the pity party, the poor me attitude. But in reality, there's not a lot for me to say "poor me" about. If I'm sad about losing my son, that's pure selfishness. He's in a better, perfect place and I will get to meet him the right way some day.

I have been working on scheduling a few more things in our lives. Gas prices are going to eat us alive since we live so far out of town but the kids, and me too for that matter, deserve to get out. We have spent way too much time at home since those fateful days in February. Today we headed to the park in town with some friends. We played a bit, had a picnic lunch and then played some more. We realized how cliche' it seemed to be having a play date at a park but I'm thinking cliche or not, the kids all loved it. The day started out pretty cloudy but by the middle of our park visit it was sunny and arguably almost hot. The weather was perfect and R has pink cheeks tonight to prove it! They all played on the play ground and then we changed our clothes and played on the spray ground. By the time I had started dinner, it was raining outside. I'm thrilled that we grabbed our window of opportunity and enjoyed today for what it was.

It was such a simple outing but the kids loved it. I need to make sure that every day, every moment has a positive impact on the lives around me. Here are a few photos from today...

Family Date Night...

So, I know yesterday's post was VERY short and here's why! Jim decided that it was time for a "family date". He got us tickets to go to the Portland Beavers game last night and we had a blast... but it gets even better.

I decided yesterday morning that I should probably check and see what the weather report was supposed to be since while I was checking it, our house was surrounded by soupy fog. I logged on to one of the local TV station's sites and sweet, they forecast a high of 70 - not bad. And then I saw it. The big 'ol banner ad for the Rose Festival Starlight Parade... The game was at 7pm, the parade started at 8:30 and it was to disband just a few blocks from the ball park. Great. Luckily, we had already planned on parking on the outskirts and riding MAX (the light rail train) into the city so we didn't have to deal with parking and traffic and mostly because the kids LOVE every time we see MAX while we're out and about. BEST. PLAN. EVER! (pretty much) So, we revised the plan a little bit and instead of parking where plan A would have had us park, we made a plan B and parked closer to the airport. We got all situated and walked up to the ticket kiosk and someone mentioned that it was out of order. Not a huge deal, you don't NEED a ticket to get on the train but if you don't have a valid $2.05 ticket, the fine is around $250! So, we all board the train anyway and ride to the next stop, get off, walk OVER the freeway... there's a foot bridge, we did not have to dodge traffic... buy the whopping $4.10 worth of tickets since the kids are free, walk back over the foot bridge and wait for the next train. No biggie but it did put us about 20 minutes behind schedule.

The kids loved MAX just about as much as we thought they would, maybe a little more. They sat quietly, looking out the window except for every so often we're hear R say, "chooooo chooooo!" As we pulled in closer to Portland K was blown away by the "beautiful birds..." - pigeons and the "pretty paintings..." - graffiti. I think we might need to get the kids out a little more often! They started to get a little impatient, and I'll admit that they weren't the only ones. The MAX trains were having a tough time staying on schedule and moving quickly from stop to stop as there were so many passengers trying to get on with their strollers and coolers and lawn chairs and huge families who were all going to the parade and hopefully not the game since it was free jersey night for the first 1,500 kids!

We finally arrived at PGE park about 15 minutes before the game and the kids got their shirts! Woohoo! We picked our seats and the kids were in heaven. They loved every minute of the players, the music, Lucky the Beaver, the cheering. From where we were sitting, they could also watch MAX run right past the outfield wall, the school buses finding the parking spots (to pick up their students after the parade) and the Portland Police cars with their lights on for traffic control. Did I mention how glad I am that we didn't drive downtown? Shortly after the game started the "requests" for peanuts and dinner and cotton candy started. No problem - we had planned for that too.

Jim went to get the food and so to keep the kids entertained, cause you know, it's not like there was a GAME to entertain them... we took a few snapshots. $28 later, Jim returned with 4 hot dogs, 3 sodas and a bag of roasted peanuts. The cotton candy came later and *gasp* the kids didn't even like it! By the middle of the 7th inning the Beavers were up 5 to nothing and we had pretty much exceeded the kids' ability to sit still without whining and fussing. K had been watching the big clock on the score board and started getting pretty worked up when she realized that it was well after 8:30 and she knew that the parade started at that time and she soooo wanted to see the parade. So, we packed up our little bag and headed out.

We walked a few blocks and I kid you not, just as we walked to the end of the block near the disbanding area, the very first parade entry was coming down the road! The kids got big shiny Portland Fire & Rescue stickers and one of the firefighters commented on R and his Montana Grizzlies sweatshirt which K thought was super cool, mommy thought so too! We stood and watched the parade until the kids started asking about riding the train back to the car. They were pretty tired but so good! They had lots of fresh air, walking and by this time it was about 10:30. So, no arguments from us, we headed off to the nearest MAX stop and found that the ticket kiosk was out of order. No biggie, each of the stops is only about 2 blocks apart so we walked down to the next one, all the while we can see and hear the parade twisting and turning through town and the weather wasn't bad at all, so really not a big deal. We got to the next kiosk and this one was happy to take our money... and spit it right back out over and over again! On to the next stop... kiosk out of order! The NEXT spot to get a ticket was Pioneer Courthouse Square where they have three kiosks on that side of the route. ALL out of order but at the last one there were two nice Tri-Met workers who we could finally give our money to and start our trip home, legally. The kids both fell asleep on the crowded train where we had to listen to a group of 5 freshmen girls talk about how they were "halfway to old"... old being 30 obviously. *sigh* Seriously? I would much rather be "old" than 15 again so haha on them!

We poured the kids into their car seats and headed home. When we asked them what their favorite part was... you guessed it, their free ride on MAX and the free parade. Note to self... I now know from this week that you don't need to be pretty OR rich to have fun! It was so nice to go on a family date and enjoy the area that we do love so much!