I've been spending less and less time online and while I've been pretty focused on my 365 project, I've let this blog slide quite a bit.
And I sit somewhere between feeling good about that and feeling guilty.
But as I browse the links to my baby-loss-momma-friends, most of whom I met surrounding the time we lost Eli, I see it's not just my blog that has slowed with the posts, especially those that relate directly to the intense feelings of the first year or so after the loss. I ended up blogging a bit more since I experienced multiple losses on the way to bringing Stella home but that first year is so raw and the writing is so cathartic. ...for me at least.
Seeing the last updated blogs listing "2 weeks ago", "3 months ago", "6 months ago" makes me smile. For all the times that I said "I won't ever get over this"... I was right. But I think I forgot to add "But I will get through this." I don't think it's something that I will ever get over but I have gotten through it. And I would prefer to get through it rather than over it anyway.
This weekend I attended the first baby shower that I've gone to since everything came crashing down around me. Not the first that I've been invited to, by far, but the first that I was physically and mentally able to attend. In part, because I had a "job". I was able to focus on helping decorate and then taking photos for the momma. I am really, really glad that I went and once I was there, it was so much easier than I thought it might be.
My goal for this summer is to find passion - doesn't matter what I'm working on, I want to do it with passion, otherwise, it seems such a waste!
4 comments:
Good for you Kristi! I am so hapy for you. I understand where you are coming from as I am trying to keep up and focus on my own 365 blog while letting my "other" blog be idle for a while. I'm glad you have so many good things going on in your life and I am also incredibly impressed (is that the right word) that you continually strive to make yourself better in one way or another. You are amazing!
You are remarkable and I'm so lucky to know you. I'm glad you've found your groove. Found your way. A different way but a way. And are able to do something like a baby shower again. That's huge. and I'm proud of you.
And happy ti was up here so i could get a lunch date with you and the super star girl. xoxo
Beautiful pictures. The mom-to-be was a very lucky woman to have all those gorgeous decorations and you taking the pictures for her!
I can't wait to hear about what you find to do passionately this summer. I have things on the back burner that I'm passionate about, but life seems to come first, if you know what I mean. I hope you find your passion early and it guides you through the summer and beyond!
*sigh* you and your parallel life...honestly! Kudos on the baby shower (I just went to my first too!)
GL rediscovering your passion...that is something that I really need to do as well. I definitely feel it is missing from my life at the moment. "Life" is dragging me down!
<3
Post a Comment