That's me. ...taken this afternoon as I waited for Rylan to get done with school today. I dropped my camera and before it hit the floor of the van, my finger hit the shutter button and that was the result. I was going to delete it but then thought it was kind of interesting. An odd perspective - thank goodness no boogers! I realized that it's probably really close to the perspective that my kids have of me quite frequently. And while I sat in the quiet of the van, Stella sleeping away behind me, Jim waiting outside Rylan's classroom door, I had a chance to really think about what it must be like to be one of my kids.
To be the ones looking at that face all the time.
During the "I love you's" and the "that decision really disappointed me's" and the "just stop!'s". There have been lots of the former and too many of the latter. I have felt really tested by Rylan lately. He is such a smart, smart kid but he also has some quirky behaviors. I have never been the mom of a 5 1/2 year old boy before so I don't even know what I should be expecting of him. He has been making behavioral improvements at school by leaps and bounds but at home we're still dealing with some issues. Thankfully, he is not a bully, he's not mean, he doesn't have a mean bone in his body but he does have a lot of energy and he can be verbally defiant. And honestly, it can get exhausting keeping his mind busy. He is constantly asking me math problems or asking me to ask him math problems or he'll practice counting by 4's because he has the 1's, 2's, 5's and 10's down pat. He'll come to me and ask me how to spell random words and if we don't keep his mind busy he starts going a little bonkers. Anyway, I get frustrated too easily with him (with both of the older kids actually) and I hate the thought of what I look like from their perspective. Hate it.
So, with this one picture I saw the light bulb. I have come to realize that I have pretty high expectations. Kindness in a non-negotiable, however I'm going to try to lighten up a bit in other areas and see what happens. I want my kids to see and remember Kind Kristi and not Krazy Kristi.
5 comments:
I like all kinds of Kristi, except the one where she's so hard on herself :) You are a great and loving wife and momma and I feel happy just to know you.
Yes! I agree with Erica! :) Be easy on yourself. Little boys (I can only speak to boys because it's all I know) are very forgiving and they love their Mamas. Sounds like Rylan is getting ready for mulitipcation. Get that kid some flashcards!! :)
Glad you saved the photo and this perspective came forward. We all need to tilt the lens and see things from different angles. Our angels need us to do this, too. We are tested every day with our children. It is a job, no one truly understands. It has many diversities. My son is in college and my daughter 15. I wish for them to be the ages you are dealing with. I miss those days of wiping noses,inky fingers and the crys for my help. Now, I have to navigate through boyfriends, Driver's Ed, the mood swings of puberty, with my daughter. My son is at the 1/2 way point with college. He switched his major and also decided to drop out at one point, over a girl. Dad and I said, it is college or military pick one. He wasn't sure and started working out, thinking about joining the service, then went back to school. AUGH....I envy you!
Then I tilt my lens and remember the view. I wanted to see them grow up. I have a chronic illness and I'm thrilled, that they have reached the age that they knew me, know me. They will remember me, if I don't live another day. They will remember...and I am sure the words used to describe me will be, Crazy, caring, kind and creative and mess and mean, etc. lol xXx
Oh sweet Krazy Krisit, we love you.
Lol. In all seriousness I think the same thing of my son. I feel like I'm always correcting him, and then I feel bad because I corrected him! But if I don't I feel like I'm letting him be a heathen and he'll never learn.... what's a mom to do?
Over the past few months I've decided to lay off a little. I'm letting him experience the repercussions of his actions. I've seen a big chance in him.
Good luck!
Thanks gals!
It's funny, I laid off last night... only told him twice that running, in the muddy driveway, in his crocs wasn't probably the best idea, that I didn't want him to slip and fall. He did it anyway. And of course, TOTALLY wiped out covered in mud, crying, said "I should have listened to you. You told me so." Yup.
Kaylee, flash cards are a great idea. He loves them for reading so math has been good too. I wrote them out, he wrote the answers on the back!
Thanks!
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