Cut to the Chase

I'm going to cut to the chase... this holiday season has been a rough one on me. I have been a total Grinch this year. My attitude stinks, I don't really want to have much to do with Christmas, etc. etc. and that irritates me which just makes the attitude even worse. Sure, I could blame it on hormones but I'm going to be realistic and I really can't place the blame on hormones. Maybe they don't help but I'm pretty confident in saying "it's all me."

This is the third Christmas in a row that I've been pregnant (and the 4th Christmas that I've been pregnant in the last 7 years) of course that also means that I have a birthday party to finish up planning for next week. I think that part of the "mood" has to do with the mixed emotions of this time of year. I wish I could put it more clearly but I can't even really wrap my head around it.

I'm sure there's some pregnancy anxiety and depression in there too since I'm already at an increased risk for it given my history. I'm really trying to let go and let God and using breathing techniques to try to calm my nerves but the fear and anxiety can grab me at any moment without warning. For instance tonight, putting Rylan's clothes away and all of a sudden the nerves, butterflies, racing heart and negative thoughts started... I was putting his underwear away. I'm certainly getting quite a schooling in feeling out of control. I will mention it to Dr. C at my appointment which is tomorrow (Christmas Eve).

But, I've been going about doing what needs to be done around here, even if I'm not "feeling it" this year. The tree was "hunted", put up and decorated. The gifts have been purchased and wrapped, mostly thanks to Jim. The house is clean and decorated even if it did take at least 3 weeks to do it.
The kids participated in all of their school activities cookie party with the parents for Rylan's class, a book exchange and movie day for Karleigh's class, food drives for both, lots of arts and crafts and a sing-a-long for the primary classes. Ever the entertainer, it was a joy to watch all of Karleigh's expressions as they sang "Up on the Housetop". And since it was a sing-a-long instead of a 'concert', Rylan had a blast even though the preschool didn't participate and it didn't even start until their usual bed time.

We even had some snow up here earlier this week. I didn't bother to take pics because it was enough to cover the ground but not really enough for the kids to play in. Max did seem to like eating it though. He looks so cute and innocent though doesn't he?Ugh. Wrong. Not only are the kids bouncing off the walls with Christmas excitement, the dog is losing his mind too. I'm sure much of it is him feeding off the "crazies" coming from the kids. In the last 24 hours he has peed on the carpet (which he just doesn't do), eaten Christmas light bulbs, chewed up a heavy duty extension cord, destroyed an entire string of lights, found a beer can and brought it back to the yard to chew up (I'm sensing a theme...), threw up in the house (gee, I wonder why!?) and has just been a total whack-ado overall.

Things are going really well with the pregnancy, as far as I can tell. She moves a ton which helps keep me positive. We've started purchasing things and have received the new crib and crib bedding. I received two boxes full of brand new cloth diapers from a girl friend who isn't using them and I ordered a couple of different diapers over the last couple of days. Psst, I'm kind of excited! My sciatic nerve is on fire these days but I also know that it'll eventually go away. if I could just remove my pelvis, I'd be feeling (physically) about 100% these days. But I'm not complaining. I know that it's all just so temporary.

I hope that you all have a wonderful Christmas Eve!