Here We Go Again, Again...

So, today has been one of those days. It's pouring down rain, it's been one year, today, since we conceived Eli, did I mention it's also just grey and cold and yucky outside? Also though, Jim had the day off so we had a family day even if it only involved running errands, a napless day, puzzles and board games.

But more than that, it's been a very strange day because suddenly it's full of optimism once again. You see, one of our - make that my - errands, was to stop by the lab once again. "Once again" because I was there on Monday too. As you may recall, last month was our last for trying to add to our family. The meds were messing with my physically and emotionally and I was quite sure that I needed a long break to take care of myself. So, while most people get to jump with joy at the sight of two pink lines on a home pregnancy test, I smile (because let's not forget that in the beginning of our family building, just getting pregnant was a huge battle), and then pray that the other shoe doesn't drop. When most people see the "pregnant" on a digital test they get to let out a "yippee!". I have to remember to breathe. It is what it is. I've been given a different path than most people and I'm ok with it. When I went in on Monday, it was a total comedy of errors but I finally got my hcg beta back around 5:30 in the evening. 1283. That's a great number for 17 dpo but a single number doesn't really tell you much. What you need to look for is that the number increases by at least 60% in 48 hours. See all these things that so many people didn't even know? Ideally, you want to see something closer to it doubling in 48 hours. So, 5:15 this evening rolls around and my doctors office finally calls me back. I answer the phone shaking from the inside out... 2776! I know a lot of people wait until that "all clear" mark of 12 weeks. Well, you know what? That "all clear" mark only holds a 50% success rate for me so that's why I have said something now. When you're faced with it, you realize that you're not guaranteed a live baby after hearing a heartbeat at 7 weeks, or 16 weeks, or 26 weeks or even 40+ weeks. Sad but true.

So, here we go again, again. I do sincerely pray that this is our happily ever after with our rainbow baby and that July 2009 is tons better than July 2008.