G... Gloriously Gorgeous!

What a gloriously gorgeous day today! It started off on the right foot when Stella went to bed at 7:30 last night and only woke once and finally got up at 9:30 this morning. And we woke up to sunshine. Frost and sunshine but sunshine!

My green guys planted a few trees:

There were sunshine warmed girly grins:

My garden girl stirred the dirt in the new garden box that Jim built from reclaimed wood:

The guys gussied up the t-ball gear giving it a good wash-down:

And I finally got to smile about the first greeting from our little garden guest:

F... Failure

Nah, it's not going to be "that" kind of post about failure today. Today I'm talking... first birthday smash cake photo failure.

I've had it all planned out for months (failure set up part one). I had a perfectly clear vision in my mind of how it would turn out (failure set up part two).

Stella is just too much of a little lady with her cake. Who knew!? I mean, the way she ate her cake at her birthday party should have been a bit of an indication. But? She had just eaten a great lunch so I thought the chance of her really going at her cake this time was much better. Not exactly. She likes cake. Perhaps even, loves. Loves to the point that she certainly isn't going to waste any of it on her face or the floor. Also the fact that we hardly ever have to use a bib should have been a bit of an indication that she wasn't going to make a total mess. Oh well!

I still have time to do something different for a one year photo shoot for her. But smash cake? That was a failure. Cute! But not exactly what I was going for.

Ooohhhh! My candle!

I'll just poke at the frosting a bit, then use my incredible pincer grasp.


It's yummy! So yummy!


And then she got up and ran away!

E... Easter Baskets

Easter baskets. Christmas stockings. They are things that I waited, and waited, and waited to do until we had our family completed. Sure, we had things that worked or that were good enough for now but there are things that I had my eye on and it feels really good to be able to get them.

We picked up the Easter baskets that I've been eye-balling for the last few years. I, however, wasn't really loving any of the liners. I wanted them to coordinate but not be exactly the same, blah, blah, blah... yadda, yadda, yadda.

Long wordy story, finally to the point: I picked out some fabric yesterday and after a play date and some graphic design work today, I was able to take some time, cross my fingers, and sew up a basket liner - not an easy task while crossing fingers!

I was pleasantly surprised with how Rylan's turned out without a pattern:

and the kids are thrilled that they got to pick and choose their fabrics from the stack that I purchased.

D... Dreary

Oh. My. Goodness! This weather is slowly killing me. Drowning me. It's a bit out of control. I know my friends across the country are still dealing with snow. But snow? It's white. It's clean. It's bright.

This never ending rain is just a soul sucking gray.

Don't get me wrong. I love, love, LOVE the pacific northwest. But even I am getting really, REALLY, tired of this. It makes me feel agitated and tired. Sad and gloomy. Totally uninspired.

Seriously, this weather is so bad that for the first time ever, the soccer club that Karleigh joined, pushed back their entire season for a month. Guess what? The fields are still in bad condition. Plants are weeks behind. As I sit here and type, I look up to the wall in our living room to see pictures of happy, bright, cheerful pink, blue sky backed cherry plum blossoms from the trees in our yard. They were taken the very beginning of March last year. This year, this moment, I look out and see the trees finally blooming. Sort of. With a dull gray sky as the backdrop. *le sigh*

I'm thinking the garden will probably not happen this year. With eternal optimism (I try!) I'm listening to "Here Comes The Sun", unfortunately, in a hilarious (can you sense the sarcasm?) twist of irony... here comes the rain. Again.

Dreary, dreary, dreary!

C... Childlike Courage

"I can do it myself!"
"Let me try!"
"Watch what I can do!"
.
.
.

"What if I fail?"
"I don't want anyone to watch me."
"It's not going to work anyway."

Wikipedia defines it: Courage (also bravery, fortitude, or intrepidity) is the ability to confront fear, pain, risk/danger, uncertainty, or intimidation.

At what point do we lose our bright, sunny childlike courage and crumple into self doubting balls of adults? Surely it isn't as we drive off for college with a skip in our step and a flick of our wrist as we wave out the open window. So, perhaps it happens as tears of uncertainty cloud the new roads ahead of us and the familiar ones in the rear view mirror. I have the courage to say "I don't know."

And that's OK.

When I look in the mirror, I would like to, but I don't see a courageous person looking back at me. However, when I think back at how I got to where I am right now, in this moment, I realize that it was either A) courage B) stupidity or C) divine intervention. I'm going to go with D) All of the above.

Picking up the broken pieces of my heart wasn't an easy task. I'm still working on putting them back together. But you know what? It has to be done. I'm a 'bit' of a competitive person. At least I used to be. Now, I tend to compete solely with myself which I suppose is a good thing, right? Only I win. But at what costs? Did those around me lose while I spent so much time finding the courage to keep fighting? I am so very thankful for the courage that was instilled in me to keep going, to keep fighting, to keep on keeping on so, in the end? I feel so fully justified in my fight when I look at Stella. And everyone who meets her says the same thing "You know? She's great in your photos but she's so much more when you meet her!"

I also know that it takes even more courage to make a bigger change, the courage to say "I can't do it anymore. I need to move on. I need to move forward." I was so close to that point but I didn't have enough.
Not enough courage at that point.
Although, perhaps again that's where the divine intervention came in, pushing me forward one. more. time. Because I cannot imagine life without Stella.

But now? I've been given the courage to move on. Move forward with our three children. And I need to find the courage to let the hurt of the past three years slide into a little envelope, carefully folded and tucked away in a special corner of my heart.

Courage to live the best life possible!

B... Birthday Bash!

We celebrated Stella's First Birthday a tad early and it was ah-may-zing! We stayed at home which ended up being the best plan possible because the weather has been just bizarre this Spring. Today we had dry spells, rain, hail, snow, wind, and lovely bright sunshine. She did great right up to the very end where we were pushing nap time. We celebrated with lunch, presents and cake and Auntie Lacey, Uncle Mark, my parents, and our friend Jamie and her kiddos Kaden and Marissa. So fun and people she's really comfortable around.

We are so blessed... and tired! So, tonight I'm going to let some of the pictures do the talking. So, in no particular order, a little (or large) share from Stella's First Birthday Party!

A... Absolutely Adorable

It's all I can think of for "A" tonight. Absolutely Adorable.