July!

It's July in the Pacific Northwest... which means that the summer weather arrived right after the 4th of July. It's a running joke that summer starts on the 5th of July, but that's usually pretty accurate. We're a third of the way into it and it really feels like we're in the swing of summer things. The a/c is in, the shades have been pulled far too much the last few days, the freezer is stocked with Otter Pops, ice cream and ice disks for our shaved ice maker thingy. We are weak. We are wimps. Our weather took about a 40 degree swing in 3 days time. From 60 to 100... that's tough on the body.

Anyway, here is just a peek into what's been going on:

Karleigh turned 6 1/2 on the 1st. I like to mark the "half's" for her since there's so much other stuff, with the holidays, around her birthday. She has really grown up so much!

We spent the 4th of July at our house again this year. Even when it's only 60 degrees, there's still anxiety being away from the place with all the fields + fireworks. My parents came down and we all headed out to the farm where we go pumpkin picking. They were celebrating the 100th birthday of the farm (ours is 101 but who's counting!?!). They had the log house open to walk through, some logging photos, the black smith shop running, a hay ride to a steam logging exhibition and then a woods walk. The big kids loved it, my parents seemed to enjoy themselves, Stella slept through the whole thing so we, for sure, file that in the win column. We spent a good 4 hours there and then headed home for dinner and fireworks.

With the sun shining bright and the temperatures on the rise, I was finally able to dry diapers outside on the line. I find it such a calming sight - it is possible that I'm nuts, I know - and the sun is like magic for brightening and whitening and doesn't cost a cent. However, after the inserts were dry, I did tumble them in the dryer because dang they were crunchy!

We also got the inflatable pool set up for the kids and they are thrilled to have it up again. Sadly, Karleigh hasn't gotten to use it as much as she has wanted because she's been sick for the last few days. She had a chest cold combined with allergies then on the 4th complained of her tummy feeling yucky but said that the Tums I gave her helped. She ended up a full blown sicko on the 7th and now, on the 10th is finally on the mend. She threw up so much, lost at least 4 pounds and managed to pull a muscle in her hip from all the rolling over on her side to throw up. She's moving pretty slow because of that and her totally worked over stomach muscles but the attitude is one thousand times better so she's on the upswing.

Stella's gotten to enjoy the pool a few times too once the sun goes down behind the trees. There's just something about tiny bathing suits that makes me so happy!

And today here I sit, reflecting on not only the last 2 1/2 years, as we approach the due dates for the boys... Collin's tomorrow and Eli's in a few weeks... but also the last 11 years as Jim and I celebrate our 11th Wedding Anniversary today. It's a day that I remember so well, like yesterday almost, yet the shock sets in a bit when I look at how young we looked - not that we're THAT old now - but to see our little flower girl now a high school student, our ring bearer a legal adult and all the other changes that have happened in the lives of not just us but our wedding party, it does put it into perspective.

Happy Anniversary to the greatest husband. I'm not sure that anyone else would have been able to go through this journey with me without so much as a hiccup in the relationship. I'd have to say that our marriage is very blessed!

Poor Neglected Blog

I'm a bit torn when it comes to blogging.

Number one, I am spending my "free" time being a mom to a 6 1/2 year old, a 4 1/2 year old and a 2 1/2 month old. There has been the rare occasion that they are all napping/resting at the same time but the emphasis is on RARE. And when they are, I turn into a freakish house cleaner. Sadly, as soon as they awake, it seems that all the hard work was for not. And also, blogging one handed takes a really long time!

Number two, this blog was a safe place to share my thoughts and feelings about dealing with pregnancy loss and infertility that it seems a bit strange to share the thoughts of "good" things and for it to be a daily "what's up!" kind of blog. I feel sad for my friends who haven't been able to go down this part of the road yet. I'm trying to decide if I should just get over that or start a new "happy" blog???

Number three, the good weather has finally, sort of, arrived in the Pacific Northwest so we've been trying to get out and about. We also had Jim's parents in town for a while and visited my parents and Seattle for a Mariners vs. Cubs game, etc.

Now that that's out in the open, hopefully I will be better at keeping caught up... or not, we'll see! The good news is that I also tend to blog less when I feel like I'm in a good place, so I really shouldn't be complaining that I haven't been writing a lot. :)

2 Months!

It's almost hard to believe that Miss Stella is already two month's old. But, she is!

A bit about this time for Stella:
- weighs 11 pounds 15 ounces
- 23 inches in length
- loves to smile and squeal with delight
- will cough or squeak to get your attention
- sleeps about 8 hours per night, usually from 11pm until 7am
- very chill and loves to be held and/or worn and cuddled
- doesn't really love tummy time so she'll push herself up and roll over to her back or plant her forehead into the floor and screech
- won't take any pacifier but will suck on our finger or her hand
- she adores her brother and sister and the feeling is mutual

Almost Wordless Wednesday...

Love this little girl and the personality that is starting to shine through!

It's Normal

I know what I went through yesterday was totally normal mommy stuff. I'm sure it won't be the last time that I feel like a parental failure. And it's not even so much that I feel like a failure but that I feel like I was being looked at as a failure or that I must be hiding some big bad secret about our home life. Nope. I'm a pretty open book and I think that my kids have it pretty good. I just wish that the thought that maybe the stress isn't coming from home, maybe it's coming from school would have been considered. Or maybe he's just a 4 year old little boy with a lot of little boy energy. I used to suck on my hair. I chew the skin on the sides of my fingers. I can't just sit and be still. I have to be reading or researching or working on something. Sometimes I can't find the words that I want. My mind is always going. Jim bounces his feet. He twirls hair. He bites his fingernails. We tend to be the type of people that need something to do. I guess our little apple just doesn't fall too far from the tree. Anyway, he's done with school on June 11th and doesn't start back until September 20th. Over three months of vacation that we can work on redirecting some of that energy and his speech. We'll probably let him chew a bunch of gum and play the copy cat game a lot. He enjoys both of those...

So, we're just normal.

Today it poured down rain. Again. I know we live in the lush, green Pacific Northwest but man we've really had a very cold, wet spring. When I was still pregnant with Stella, I had all these little day dreams about having her outside while I weeded, or put her in the shade while I soaked up some vitamin D... those days have been few and far between and instead they've been spent doing lots and lots of laundry and dishes and cleaning up toys over and over again because we're just not getting much outdoor time at all. I was doing dishes again this afternoon and just had to laugh. I had the washer and dryer going, Stella strapped on, was doing dishes, listening to the ipod and as much as there was going on, I felt oddly centered and calm. I thought "I bet I look like a total loon." Standing and bouncing the baby while singing (poorly I'm sure) her to sleep and attempting to scrub dried on oatmeal out of bowls... I decided to set my camera on the dining room table and set the timer. It's funny to me that I don't even want to forget the mundane things...

If this is the anxiety provoking stress and chaos, I don't think I want to "fix" it.

Suck

Tonight is a sucky mommy night.

The short version is: I had Rylan's IEP meeting today. Not "we" because, understandably, they didn't want Rylan to sit through it so Jim was at home waiting for the buses. It was just your basic, see what his improvements were this year and talk about the plan for next year. He's on an IEP for speech and his speech IS improving. This time last year, he had 36 phenome errors. This year he had 19 during the assessment. He's still having trouble with his blended sounds, he drops his s's quite often, etc. etc. none of it came as a surprise to me but it was nice to see the actual number improve. So, yay! Great job Rylan and good job Speech Language Pathologist!

He's very intelligent, gets along with others, has incredible fine motor skills...

But... "you know, he licks his lips, stutters, chews on his fingers and clothes, blinks his eyes a lot, has a tough time keeping his voice at a reasonable volume..." Um, yah. We've noticed that a. lot. and I guess I asked for it when I requested that we address ways to help him diminish those nervous activities. So instead they just repeated what they told me when I asked about how to help those things earlier... 1)respond to what he is saying NOT how he is saying it 2) give him your attention when he has something to say 3) get down on his level 4) reduce stress/discipline. Here's the thing... we do all of that all the time unless he's interrupting and that should be expected. Plus that's one of the areas he needs to work on when we discussed social skills, but I digress...

As the SLP elaborated, the solution that I heard: quit being so tough on him, don't send him to timeout so much (doesn't matter what he's doing, pick just one thing that is punishable - ok, right, so timeout for hitting but I guess we'll just allow the spitting, yelling, talking back, throwing toys, kicking the dog, ignoring us, being defiant - he's 4, trust me, the list goes on) stop stressing him out at home, make sure things around him are peaceful and organized and calm...

It's a good thing that calm, mellow Stella was sitting so quietly in her infant seat as usual.
Oh wait, that's right... she screamed.
the.
entire.
time.

She started crying as soon as I set her down. So I took her out and she started fussing and crying louder. The principal (who was the district representative for the meeting) took her and walked her around the classroom while the other two talked to me but she just got herself all worked up.
By the end of the meeting, I was sweating like a pig and just wanted to sob with her. Instead, we calmly walked back to the van and I let her suck ;)

Anyway, they're cutting him back to 3 days a week next year... speech days and library day. If the schedule is the same as this year, that means Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday afternoons. After some thought, I'm actually OK with that. It'll give us some non-Karleigh time (which has proven to be very good for him since she's a "tad" bossy) plus, that'll be two week days that I'll be able to get Karleigh off to school in the morning and not have to worry about getting home until almost 4pm. It will be fine. Plus, things need to change around here. I don't know how, I feel like I've tried everything but you know... if timeouts are out...

*cough cough* perhaps IEP meetings should not be attended when you're six weeks postpartum... mom could be a little hormonal. But it's there in black and white, hormones or not.

I feel like such a sucky mom. He's smart as a whip because HE'S smart. He has speech problems because of things that I'M doing wrong.

Awesome.

Wordless Wednesday

Oh... it's not Wednesday huh? Yah. I was hoping no one would notice. :) Hopefully it's a great Thursday!

Being Thursday, Stella's now 5 weeks or 35 days old... that sounds younger right? What's she up to? She's becoming more animated and starting to chunk up. I do think she's just about the cutest 10 pound bundle out there. Her eyes are getting lighter, her hair is filling in, her days are spent more awake though she's got a great schedule going on already (all her doing, I would have no idea how to put a kiddo on a schedule and probably wouldn't even try). She's sleeping anywhere between 6 1/2 and 7 1/2 hours straight at night. I certainly don't take the fact that I've been blessed with 3 really great sleepers for granted. She thoroughly enjoys the outdoors but at this point is much more content walking/hiking than she is to just lie out on a blanket. Could be that there's some slight fear for her own life between the the two bigguns and the dog bouncing all around her... but who's to say? ;-) She gets the hiccups every day and isn't a fan of them. She enjoys her swing when she just wants to chill but would prefer to snuggle. She loves listening to stories and hates pacifiers - if you know how the big kids were you're probably thinking "wha? wha? WHAT?!?" Yes it's true. Detests them. Spits them out and glares at the offender. She however loves to suck on an index finger or mommy... and I'm a pretty slow one handed typer but this blog post is proof that it can be done. She's awesome.

The big kids have 20 days of school left - not that they're counting... and then the summer fun can start. It's been hard to get out much this year with a bus coming at around 11, one at 12, one returning close to 3 and the other at 4. The kids sat down yesterday and wrote a "summer ideas" list of things both big and small from jumping rope to go to the beach. I really don't want to hear a lot of "I'm bored!" this summer. So, we'll check out some new parks in the county and hopefully get out a lot more than we have during the school year. But that's the point of summer vacation isn't it?

Also, if we get out more... perhaps these blog posts won't be so dang boring!