Almost Wordless Wednesday

Signed. Sealed. Sent!

What's in a Name?

We've known for quite some time what we will be naming this little lady but haven't been screaming it from the roof-tops. Why not? I'm not too sure. Maybe it makes it all too real. Maybe because it makes ~her~ all too real. But she is real.

If someone asks us, we tell them with a smile. It's the only name that has felt right, has felt like ~her~ and at the same time fits the silly "rules" that Jim and I have adopted when it comes to naming babies.

Silly rules first:
~ should not start with the same letter as our other children
~ two syllables are preferred
~ incorporating an L near the middle is a bonus (this rule makes no sense, yes, we do realize that!)
~ should not be in the top 100 names as listed by the Social Security Administration
~ should have a positive or at least neutral meaning, certainly not negative
~ the kids should be able to pronounce it
~ can not lead to swearing when singing the "name, name, bo, bame, banana, fanana, fo, fo fame..." song :)
~ bonus to incorporate family names but not to the extent of having two "cousins" with the same name
~ and we have never been able to bring ourselves to "re-use" a name that we had considered in a previous pregnancy

So, with all of that in mind, our new baby girl will be named:

Of course, I'm a Gemini so all decisions that I make, can quickly change! Karleigh didn't have her name until I was about 7 months along. She was going to be Aubrey. However, I had a meltdown in the car one afternoon and freaked out and said "I just can't name my baby that, she doesn't feel like a Aubrey!" In Jim's infinite calmness he said "well... then don't..." and then he proceeded to suggest Karleigh and the reasoning, etc. etc. I can't imagine her as anything else. But back to Stella, it still feels right.

Stella has a very simple meaning: star.

The truth is, it seems that this name has been being screaming at us for months. Now, I'm not a big looking-for-signs type of person...

That said, since mid-August my "status update" on BabyCenter has been "Wishing on a star...". I haven't been able to bring myself to change it yet.

I also have a kindred spirit on one of my loss support boards who sent me the neatest "intentions" bracelet. It was made of string and had two black pearls with a silver star charm dangling between the two of them. The point of the bracelet is to state your intention/wish etc., tie it on and when it falls off that intention is realized (that was likely a very poor explanation). At any rate, I tied it on obviously "intending" to have a healthy baby. At 16 weeks (the same exact gestational age and week day - a Sunday - that Eli's heart stopped beating) we went to IKEA. When we got back to the van I noticed that my wrist was bare. The bracelet had fallen off that afternoon. At first my heart sank and I frantically looked around my seat in the van but then a realized perhaps that was just the nudge that I needed to get over that stress filled day. As we know now, everything is still fine.

As anyone who has been through a situation even kind of similar to ours knows, it's not always the most vocal supporters that say the right things. Sometimes there are quiet players who come to the surface at just the right times. One of these types of women suggested Stella. And then another more vocal friend also suggested it, and then another.

I finally thought "OK, this must be it. I love it but I wonder what Jim thinks..." So, because we're so tech savvy like that... I texted him. "Don't reply, just think. What about Stella?" And you know what?
He didn't reply! LOL
Finally, my impatience won and I texted him back again with something along the lines of "OK, time's up, what do you think?" He replied with, "I like it. You do realize that was my great-grandma's name right?" Um, yah, once upon a time, but I had totally forgotten about it at that moment.

Since then there have, of course been more things, an outfit that our sister-in-law sent covered in stars. A name a star bear that the kids got after visiting "Santa". Looking for crafty ideas for the girls' room and the first return being a "Stella" project. The list could go on and on but I've spent enough time writing about it for now I think.

So, now you know who you've been praying for. I like having a name when I pray for her even though I know it's not necessary, it's nice.

Friday Flashback!

A picture from Karleigh's 1st Spring. I was lying in bed the other night, just trying to imagine life with another baby girl in our family... what she'll weigh, when she'll be born, who she'll look like, what her personality will be like... I'm having a hard time (even with her acting like she wants out, right NOW! as I type this) picturing having her with us. I don't remember feeling this way so much with Karleigh or Rylan but I'm sure I did.
Right?
This IS normal.
Right?
Back to my thought, when I was lying in bed thinking about her, I started thinking about this picture of Karleigh. This was her first experience with grass against her skin. I'm looking very much forward to a whole new set of firsts, much better than the set of firsts that come with pregnancy loss.

February is a tough month for a lot of my loss momma friends so I'm glad it's a short month. The gateway to Spring and new beginnings.

............................................

I think I may have things set ok, for now, with the new layout. If you come across something that's missing or not working right, can you please let me know?
Thank you!

Remodeling

I'm going to start installing the new blog layout so things may be a bit wonky for a while.

...like my list of blogs that went missing already! Grrr. :)

It's ok though - I haven't felt the greatest so it's a great project while just sitting around today and this weekend. I hope to get everyone added back, but if I miss you please don't be offended just leave me a comment with your blog address again and I'll get you back up!

Thursday "Tour"

I'm finally at a point with the big girl/baby girl room where I'm feeling pretty good and done enough to share some photos. It's been a bit of a challenge since Karleigh has to be able to live there so I have had to do bits and pieces while she's at school or on weekends where it doesn't matter if she has to stay up a bit later for me to finish a project. I'm sure it will change a bit before baby girl gets here. There's still one little wall (behind the hall door) that I'm trying to decide how to finish off. I do know that the diaper pail will go there so I'm still thinking a few shelves, for books, above it. We'll see. Right now Karleigh's doll house is there but that's currently being neglected... it's in a down phase right now so I'll probably store it away for a while and when it comes back out in a few months, it'll be like brand new again!

I have a number of deeper thoughts that I've been trying to process and work through but until I can get them all untangled to a point where I might sound a little less crazy ;) I'm going to continue to try to work through them. As a quick peek into "it"... I filled out my birth center preregistration over a week ago. I still haven't mailed it. It's a postage paid envelope. And they requested that it be sent in over a month ago. It'll get done, I'm just tripping on sending it out. I've walked into that hospital 3 times and walked out once knowing my baby had died and twice leaving their tiny bodies behind. Yah. That might have something to do with my hang-up.

Anyway! Enough of that, you my peeps like pics so here! Have I mentioned that this is a tiny room? Yah, I think I have but I also feel like we've utilized the space to its maximum in both form and function. At least I hope so. As I recall it's about 11 feet by 9 feet and set for two girls.











So, there it is. There is more that I would like to add but at the same time I know that any more and it's going to start to look really cluttered and that will just drive me bonkers. It's been a really fun process especially since Karleigh is so into helping. In fact she chose the curtains and the fabric for her headboard. I think she did a really good job!

Before This Week is Gone

I figured I had better get this pic posted before the week is gone! That seems to be one of the things with pregnancy... and I'm finding even more with pregnancy after losses... that time not only crawls at a snails pace but it also flies by. No matter how much you try to ignore time or try to really count down the days, whichever makes you feel better... there's no denying it: there will be an end to this short leg of the journey.

I have to say I feel like she and I - we - have grown a ton over the last week. Her movements are starting to hurt at times, especially when she gets a foot up by my ribs and pushes out until my skin won't stretch any more. It's reassuring though, even if I am saying "owie!" On a really bright side, I'm still sleeping really well most nights. I don't know if it's from working so hard during the day or if I'm just lucky/blessed to be able to fall asleep and sleep through the night most nights. While I do love it and enjoy it now, I'm also ready to be awoken every two hours or so before too long. :)


I am really thankful that I got started on all the house projects a couple weeks ago. We were working on our bedroom last night and I think both Jim and I realized how ungraceful I've become and how things that would normally be so simple for me... well, they're more difficult now and I sound like an old man half the time as well. Grunting and groaning when I move, yah, pregnancy is hot! It's good though. We're almost finished with our big projects like the whole room flip-flop and decorating. Some of our other projects are going to have to wait until it dries out outside. It's been SO mild this last month or so but it's still been too wet (and frankly too soon before spring/summer) to accomplish some of the outside projects that I would like to get done before little miss gets here.

Wow, that was kind of a rather boring re-cap! Hopefully I'll have something a bit more exciting to talk about in the near future. Or not. Boring can be very, very good! :)

Technically Speaking

I'm feeling like a techno-challenged chick...

Firefox users - I just realized that my header is not center justified for you. Sorry about that, it looks yucky. How pathetic that I didn't check it, oh... a YEAR ago when I re-did everything.

Yes, when I re-did everything by just hacking at the code until I liked the way the layout looked just the way I wanted it at the time. Cool right? Sure. Until you go back and want to change things up again. That makes it ROUGH! So... there will be a new (hopefully cleaner and simpler) blog look it just might not be today or tomorrow or anytime too soon. It may be a great project for when I've slowed down a bit more and have a few more of the physically demanding things checked off of my to-do-before-spring list.

My Lilypie ticker has apparently decided that it wants to stall out and not automatically count down, like it's supposed to. I didn't generate that code so I can't blame it on myself. In fact yesterday when I was messing around with it I changed some dates around and the ticker was getting all messed up. It's not terribly uncommon for Lilypie but it's annoying for me and anyone else who needs no help feeling like they're losing their mind. "Hey, I thought she was 28 weeks, 3 days ago..." Yah. Hopefully they get that worked out soon!

Perhaps I should just stick to the actual, tangible, things right now and not all this "magic" technical stuff. I'm having a little better luck with using my hands. Yesterday I took some (way too much) time and made the mobile for above the crib. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. I had a thought in mind for what I wanted, set out to look for it and did find what I was looking for... to the tune of more than $50. So, thinking that was a bit excessive for what turned out to be around 64 cents in craft card stock, 59 cents for a dowel and 2 dollars for some pink glass beads, I set out (with the help of a few items that I already had at home) to make my own.

It was a time consuming project but it's fun to know that I was the one who put the work in. I even added some sparkly clear glass beads that were from a broken necklace that must have been my great-grandma's. And all you safety minded people, the mobile is out of the reach of any little hands and can be moved closer to the ceiling when necessary to keep it that way. It has such a relaxing movement so I'm really happy that it wasn't a total disaster!

Today will be spent trying to scratch a few more things off of our list and probably a lazy movie day for the kiddos who are still really trying to fight off a nasty chest cold. It's tough when I love the cuddle time but also really want to try to remain healthy myself. Lots of hand washing, lots of reminders to "cover your cough!" and "please use a tissue and not your sleeve!"