(Almost) Wordless Wednesday, Wildlife Edition

Wildlife refuge again. Cheap, dry entertainment on an unpredictable, refusing to nap day!

We saw three raccoons today but this was the only shot that I got of them.

Hum, do you suppose this is the next large family that TLC is going to follow around with their camera crews?

Such well behaved little goslings, and no yelling from the parents... just saying!

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Oh, let's pretend it's not Wednesday anymore... I took Rylan to finish up his speech evaluation today and it looks like we'll be doing some home therapy but none at school at this point. Turns out he took longer to evaluate because she had to find a "ceiling" where he missed so many questions in a row before the real eval could start and he, at three, kept going into the 7 year old range?!?!? for the cognition portions. She was mostly concerned about his tongue being a little "lazy" but more so his raspy voice. Those of you on FB might have seen his video and read the comments about his deep voice. Apparently that's not a 'cool' thing so we are really having to work on resting his voice. Inside voice almost all the time but we're not to "take away the joy of screaming like a maniac outside" :) I had never really been aware of it because he's such an emotional, animated kid when he's talking. But yah, he speaks loud and with a lot of energy. The speech therapist is gathering up a home packet for us and we go back in May to see if the month of being very aware of his volume has improved his actual voice at all. She was full of compliments for my parenting - which is always nice to receive - and said that she would work with him if "you weren't who you are". I just kind of looked at her and she explained that she had total faith in me being capable of working with Rylan at home and that I would do the "tasks" with him daily.

She's right, I will.

She also pointed out that we (Jim and I) have a very skewed view of what is 'normal' for a 3 or 4 year old since Karleigh was our first.

Oh come on!

Compliments for my parenting and for my older kid! (truth be told, I think Karleigh's smart and witty but still average... in a good way of course) Anyway, he scored right at the top of average for 3 years 11 months and he's 3 years 6 months so we wait a little bit more and work on what we are supposed to. It is SO nice to have an outside opinion though because, already, Rylan notices when he's talking too loud and will say "oh yah, Teacher Mary said inside voice" just to remind himself. Fingers crossed and prayers said that we don't need to do anything major in the future with his "large tonsils" or vocal cords.

Going back to my last post... I just enjoy photography. I also enjoy photoshop. No, I've never taken a class in either and yes, I usually shoot in manual (remember, I like control) :) But part of the reason that I enjoy it is because I often see things that I don't expect. Like the other night, I noticed the moon looked really cool, just the brightest sliver so I set my tripod up in the office window and took a couple pics. It wasn't until I loaded them onto my computer that I realized that you could also see Pleiades - no, I didn't know that's what it was called, I had to look it up. And Mercury (the orange spot right near the tree) just happened to be in the highest, brightest spot for the year this night. (again... who knew!?!) BUT, without photography albeit very amateur, I never would have noticed nor known those things. I think it has become a very grounding and eye opening hobby. I look at everything through different eyes now.

One of my besties was pondering "fate" the other day and I took some time to think about it. Some people think that there's a "Secret" and you can, by simply thinking happy, positive thoughts make all your dreams come true. True love, money, babies, new shoes, new house... the list has no limits and it involves emotional, physical and tangible desires.

Excuse me while I change my pants because I just peed them from laughing so hard.

Not only do I think that's totally untrue I think it's totally ignorant. (Remember, my blog = my opinions) Did we end up with, for example, credit card balances because I desired that? No. We ended up with credit card balances because we purchased things. We also paid them off by paying them, not just thinking that the balances would magically diminish. Did I have a different thought process for my pregnancies with Karleigh and Rylan than I did with all of the others? No way! Did I cause my pregnancies to end because I spent so much time trying to push the negative thoughts aside instead of only thinking positive thoughts? Again, no. In fact, I spent a lot of time worrying about both of them. Karleigh was a pregnancy after 2 losses and Rylan had a positive AFP screen so I was concerned or should I say, more aware about Down Syndrome. Concerned is not the accurate word. He would have been loved just the same. It did not come to fruition as it "should" have if there was any truth to the above belief system. And aside from that, not a moment passed where I even considered that Eli would die, but he did.

No, I don't think there's any secret to it other than how I react to the fate

or destiny

or direction

or path that is individual to me.

To worry about my fate or try to change it is silly and something that I try not to be bothered with. I have faith that God has set me on whatever path I'm on for a reason. I don't know what the future holds for me but to try to change it or go against God's will for me... in the end? is really only cheating myself. God does not set out to harm us but depending on how I choose to react I could harm myself. Make sense?

Speaking of the way that God works, our family was given a wonderful opportunity for this summer. One of my friends... you know, the kind that lives no where near me... gifted our family with a week of vacation through their time share. I know! Unreal right!?! I don't know if you remember but another of my New Year's resolutions was for our family to take a vacation for vacations sake. Not to visit family, or go to a wedding, or a funeral, or obligatory visit. Just a vacation with the four of us alone but together. So we are! Mid-June we will be spending almost 10 days traveling to, from and experiencing the areas around Glacier National Park. Yes, in Montana and yes, I may succumb to my desire to see Jim's cousin/family in Missoula. After all it will be time for my hair to be revived, it'll be her and the kids' "cousin's" birthday, and she has a great tattoo artist - eeek, another thought for another time. BUT, that would be totally ball in our court kid of thing. I'm so excited and so very thankful. It was really the push that I needed to follow through and do something a little more outside my norm.

Speaking of that though, Jim has asked me to think about where I want to stay and eat in Spokane for my birthday... any suggestions from my eastern Washington readers??? I just kind of got that ooky feeling knowing that last time I drove those roads I was pregnant with Collin and hadn't ever been so happy as I was to have Panda Express on the way west again.

This is, however, the appropriate place for me to say congrats to my friend Kara who gave birth to her Rainbow Baby boy earlier today! I'm so sincerely happy for her family. He's as cute as can be and yes, I resisted grabbing his photo and posting it here or divulging the name that I know of... it's always changing! until she posts an official announcement! Congratulations Kara!

Bits and Pieces

I've had lots of short thoughts that I haven't been able to really work into a coherent post so I'm just going to give a few snippets of things that I've been thinking and I'll bet ya' that they end up being totally unrelated!

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Since there were questions about it, the camera that I use most of the time now is a Canon XSi which is a DSLR. However, all of the photos that I took from mid-December '08 and earlier are from my Canon PowerShot A630 which is a fairly basic point and shoot. It's pretty easy to click back through the archive and take a look.

Never underestimate the power of a photo editing program. Even a flashy snapshot from my ancient Sony Cyber-shot can be improved a bit.

But more so, don't underestimate understanding the basics of photography and continually learning... if that's what you want to do.

But most important, don't miss making the memory because you're so caught up trying to get the "perfect" shot. Even without any editing, this photo brings back many memories for me :)

We make cute babies if I do say so myself! Look at that orange nose. The girl loved her carrots and sweet potatoes!

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I have made the comment a bit too frequently that I don't have a lot of friends in real life left.

The reality?

That's an ignorant comment to make and probably hurts my friends who have continued to be there with me. My friends don't have to sit on my couch with a cup of coffee to be "real". But some of them do.

Some of them rearrange their schedules just to make sure that if I need them, they can be there for me.

Some of them allow me to be a "normal" person and don't always have to talk about my heartbreak but will offer thoughts when they have them.

Some friends bless me with tangible items and some bless me with the invaluable, intangible support.

And some of them? just happen to live all over the world. That doesn't mean that they are any less "real" than those who live in the same area code. It's just part of the technology driven world that we live in now.

So, in case you were feeling sorry for my lacking friendships, don't. I'm learning quickly to redefine what friendship is and means. I also really need to learn how to say "thank you" for that kind of support.

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I'm sitting here watching Karleigh roll and unroll her knee-highs while she watches PBS. I used to do that all. the. time. when I wore knee-highs!

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I feel, physically, a ton better than I have in quite a while. That is a huge answer to prayer. I'll let you in a "little" secret... exercise really is necessary. This past week, I have slept better and more sound than I have in over five years. Incredible!

Jim and I also have a little bet going on that will help me with one of my New Year's resolutions. I'm an incredibly competitive person (or at least I used to be) so this ought to be interesting since I'm pretty sure that he's totally going to win. That won't stop me from trying though!

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Speaking of resolutions, we just got a huge step closer to being free from all revolving debt. I had the satisfaction of paying one of our two credit cards in full this morning. Woohoo! Feels great! Of course there's still another one but we'll snowball that and it'll be gone fairly soon too. And thanks to Jim who works his tail off so that I can stay home and to my parents for the win-win living situation.

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I'm continuing to have fun daydreaming and planning for this summer. There is another really cool thing that may possibly happen this summer but I'll wait to share that for a while, but it's nothing short of God working in our lives. No, it's not a baby, I've been more than honest about all that stuff.

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Speaking of the "baby stuff". I haven't called to get my official results from the tests that were run while I was in the middle of this post. I left Dr.C a message and the front desk let me know that he'd been out of the office for a while so that's fine. My part is done now. I don't expect any revealing information but it will be one more 'event' that should help with the dealing process.

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Events. We've had a couple big ones in our family this week and this building had a lot to do with them.

On Monday we got Karleigh all registered for kindergarten. She's so excited and we're STILL trying to figure out if it will be morning or afternoon kindy for her. The gal setting everything up said pm kindy but that it's almost an hour bus ride each way. When I looked it up at home, there appears to also be a morning route and she'd be on the bus for about 30 minutes each way so I guess we wait to see in August. Reality is, I won't wait until August and I'll call in a week or so to double check after registration for everyone is complete. I can see pros to either way, I just want to let her know what to expect.

On Thursday we returned to school for Rylan's more in-depth speech evaluation. I just have to say that so far, I love the people at our school. They worked with him for an hour (giving him breaks from time to time) and we're going back on Wednesday morning with the hopes of finishing up and finding out if he qualifies for some therapy. I'm so glad that I followed my "mommy instincts" and called. On the other hand it annoys me that so many pediatricians don't really care and just say "oh, he's fine" clearly he's not all that fine. He did pass his hearing test which is great! I wasn't worried about his hearing... listening maybe but not hearing. :) Here's a peek inside Karleigh's journal that she took with her while his hearing was being tested:

He does seem to be giving the ST a run for her money though while she tries to figure out where the delay is. He has some of the sounds some of the time but then at other times he doesn't. For instance he can say giraffe with no problem but fish = witz. I guess he's his own kind of special!

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And to conclude... Dr. C's office just called back. They don't have the karyotyping back yet, which doesn't surprise me, but everything else has returned "normal"... just as I figured. They expect the last test results back some time next week so I'll know a little more then. I hope you were able to follow that rambling!

Happy Friday!

Wordless Wednesday from Woodburn

Where I've Been

Are you ready for a major picture overload? Jim's parents were here for the weekend and we crammed a ton into our days! The weather was beautiful so we took full advantage of it and got lots and lots of fresh air. The original plan (silly me, still planning) was for us to head to the wildlife refuge on Saturday. Well... the bridge to the main part of the refuge was closed for repair so we drove over to the other side that has a plank house but that was about it. So, we piled back in the van and took a little drive then headed to the east side of the county for lunch and had planned to check out a park along the river where Lewis and Clark hung out for about a week on their return trip. We figured that Jim's dad would enjoy that and the kids could ride their new bikes that they picked out on Friday. The park was all torn up from sprinkler install going on so we just left. However, I did have one more place up my sleeve and that one turned out to be really great!

Who stole my babies and replaced them with big kids?
The expression on their faces cracks me up, they're both biting their lower lip.

After we got home we took a walk around the fields and the kids played with bubbles, totally enjoyed themselves and the beautiful weather. Luckily we wore them out so we were able to get them down early since Sunday was gearing up to be a full day. I decided NOT to plan this time and we just agreed to head to the coast. I did look up a few things to do and had a little checklist in mind but didn't get my heart set on anything in particular. Yes, I'm learning!

First stop was one of the marinas in Astoria where we found this "little" guy just soaking up the sun.

Oh yah... and all his noisy, smelly friends!

...and this boat that made me smile.

Then we promptly missed the turn to the Astoria Column but since I hadn't planned anything in my heart, I was totally ok with us just continuing on and we headed into Warrenton for lunch at DQ. When we got out of the van we were greeted by the familiar sound of a hummingbird and both Jim and I smiled at each other. It's nice, even in the most brief of moments we are reminded and things like that now bring we a sense of peace instead of such raw longing.

We hadn't told the kids what we were doing since we didn't really know but after we sat down to eat Rylan said "I wanna go to the beach!" So I said "ok!" which was promptly met with a "really!?!" Nobody else knew where we were headed but we got to Fort Stevens State Park with no trouble at all! The kids had a blast running along the trails, seeing the Columbia river and exploring the old bunkers at the site that was completed just one day before General Lee surrendered at Appomattox ending the Civil War. The fort was active until they abandoned it in June of 1947. Lots of history there. This is just a small sampling of the pictures that we took. When I loaded them onto my computer, I discovered that I had taken over 400!

They couldn't take their eyes off the water!

One of the bunker areas. Can you spot Jim?

Karleigh cooling off in the shade against a cement wall.

After we explored the military area and museum, we headed off to the beach... working our way up to the bigger and more exciting beaches. Rylan actually fell asleep in his car seat on our way to the other side of the park but instead of waking him up, Jim's mom stayed with him while he grabbed a quick nap. The other four of us walked the small boardwalk to a wildlife viewing area but just found a very quiet lagoon type beach and Karleigh dug in! We then went over to the other side and she played some more.

Rylan woke up from his power nap just as we were coming back to the van so I took him to the top of the little dunes and showed him where we had been but he decided that he was totally ok with going to a different, bigger beach.

The kids loved this beach! They were able to take their shoes off and run and run and run!

This beach also has the remains of an old shipwreck on it. The Peter Iredale ran ashore in 1906. It was fun watching them run and play around a century old shipwreck.

Not ready to give up the beach yet, we headed south to Seaside and promptly kept going. Super busy on the beach and the promenade. We ended up in Cannon Beach which is always nice.

More time for running and playing on the beach!

A moment of still for two more pics...

After the sunset, we headed back home. Tired, sandy, windblown, sunburned and happy!

We drove home back the way we came so we even got a second chance at seeing the Astoria Column and in a way that most people don't often get to enjoy it!

And without even climbing to the top, we were able to enjoy this great view!

Today was beautiful as well and I finished reading the book and really thinking about some more things while soaking up some sun. It was great to read even more things that I had really taken notice of but hadn't considered them to be common. More on that at a later point!