An Update about Nothing!

I can't believe it's almost been a week since I posted anything! No worries. As far as I know, all is continuing to go without incident. I'm certainly feeling what is typical for my pregnancies - tired, bloated, totally scatterbrained... but luckily I have, so far, *knock on wood* avoided any yuckiness that would be worth mentioning. I felt much more sick with Eli than with any of my other pregnancies. I have a theory about that. I wonder if the Clomid preps my body for the hormone rush so I don't really experience morning sickness to the extent that I did with my one unmedicated conception. Eh, just a thought, who knows, but I'm not complaining!

I've been preparing for Thanksgiving, which I'm hosting again this year and is fine by me. I can cook and the kids sleep so much better in their own beds. I've been working on holiday card orders that are rolling in and even got it together and have ours finished and on the way. The Christmas shopping is almost done which also feels great. It's been nice having something to keep my mind busy.

It's also been strange to continue to schedule appointments for the future. This week I made my appointment for my NT scan for December 31st. It's hard to keep the thoughts of "why are you even bothering to make the appointment?" out of my head. I just keep reminding myself that this is a different pregnancy. It is. I am trying to enjoy every day and every moment. We have let our guard down and discussed names, room arrangements, bedding thoughts and all of that fun stuff. I am a habitual planner so not doing some of those things would probably make me break out in a cold sweat. It's good. I should be doing those things.

I hope each and every one of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. It's hard to be thankful for the path that my life has taken this past year but I am thankful for where I am now and thankful for those who I have reconnected with and for those who have prayed for me and lifted me up through this time. Without going through the things that I have, I wouldn't have those things to be thankful for.

Beautiful...

Another beautiful sight today from the shores of Western Australia.

Relief...

Today was my first ultrasound of this pregnancy. I didn't go into it with my hopes too high because frankly, at 5 weeks 6 days, not seeing anything much isn't necessarily a sign of a doomed pregnancy. It could be that ovulation was a little later than assumed or implantation that took a little longer than average. So, I went to the office with my bladder totally water-logged and waited. Before long, the ultrasound tech took me back to the same room where I had learned, for sure, that Eli's heart had stopped. My nerves were on the high end and when I am nervous I get shaky and giggly. So we chit-chat, chit-chat and we laugh about the fact that I "played by the rules" and drank my 32 oz. of water as instructed even though I knew we wouldn't see much on the trans abdominal ultrasound. Sure enough, not much there to see, got to go potty and came back for a closer, more intimate look. We were both quickly able to see the gestational sac and the bright white yolk sac. That is exactly what I was hoping to see at this gestation, confirmation that the pregnancy was where it was supposed to be. However, with a couple more clicks, it wasn't long before we were able to see the tiny baby AND a tiny heart beating away at 101 beats per minute! Talk about a sigh of relief. She told me how perfect baby looked, took a few more measurements and told me that my due date is going to change. Baby was measuring almost a week ahead at 6 weeks 4 days, ironically, the exact same gestational age that Eli measured on our first ultrasound with him. Of course my ovaries are looking "angry" from being hyper stimulated from the Clomid and she said that it was a good thing that I didn't need to take it another cycle because I probably would have just had very stimulated ovaries without decent follicles. She said "it looks like it was a one shot deal". Wow. At any rate, I got some screen time with my ovaries today too... not the pretty ones that we saw a couple months ago. But, they've done their job and now they can recover. When I was pregnant with Karleigh I had one mega-cyst on my left ovary and now it's my right one acting up this time. I'm totally ok with it though as I know it will calm down as the pregnancy progresses. Instead of one large cyst, I have a bunch of oh, probably grape sized and smaller cysts. I haven't had any pain from them, just bloating which I can live with.


So, here's our first baby picture! To make it a little easier to find, the baby is the grey blob inside the black spot. Not the greatest picture of course but it's confirmation that it's real!

Today was a full day because after my appointment at 10 am, I picked up Karleigh's x-ray from her dentist, came home, ate some lunch and got the kids and Jim gathered up to head off to Karleigh's dentist appointment. Jim and I have been discussing it and we decided that a second opinion on the tooth issue was the best idea. So, I called the children's dentist that is right across the street from our dentist and they were happy to get her in today. Oh my goodness, it's the coolest office, all decorated with a fish theme including an impressive saltwater fish tank specifically stocked with fish that look just like the characters from Finding Nemo. No kidding, in fact they even had a bit of a dramatic moment when they realised that Peach had fallen on top of Bubbles and a quick rescue had to take place! Short story long... we have found a new dentist for the kids. They are great with the kids, the hygienists are more than happy to take the kids to the tank, and the toy box and hang out with them while the dentist talks over the treatment with the parents. And what we discussed is that yes, that tooth does need to come out so it doesn't interfere with the eruption of the permanent tooth. She has an appointment for December 10th to have it "wiggled" out. They'll do it in the office with some yummy nitrous-oxide that she'll get to choose the flavor/scent of, give her some Novocaine and wiggle it out. Apparently she's even going to get a special box for the tooth. This dentist was great in that she didn't make us feel like freaks just because she had an extra tooth bud that sort of formed and it sounds like Karleigh's case is straight forward. She told us about a little boy earlier in the week who will be heading to the oral surgeon since he has two of these teeth but they are erupting in opposite directions. So, we're lucky that we get to do this with a simple 15 minute or so procedure.

All in all a totally wonderful day with a lot to look forward to. Jim treated us all to a trip to Starbucks when we were done, 2 strawberry frappuccinos, one hot chocolate and one decaf peppermint white chocolate mocha and we were all happy campers!

Still Progessing...

I worked up the nerve today to call my OB's office and harass them about the hcg draw that I had them add to my labs on Friday. Of course I also had to find out which office my next two appointments are at because the gal scheduling them was all over the place. Evidenced by the fact that she scheduled me for an ultrasound on Wednesday AND Thursday. Pretty sure my insurance wouldn't be happy about that! Anyway, I got it all worked out and left the message requesting my numbers. On Friday, they were up to 4375, so still progressing right along pace with what they should be doing.

It's actually been nice to have a few goals along the way these last couple of weeks. I've pretty much had something to look towards every two days for the last week so, I suppose after my appointment on Wednesday, I'm going to go through withdrawals or something!

On the other hand, Karleigh has an appointment with a different children's dentist on Wednesday afternoon. We are going to see about having that "mutant tooth" extracted. I know it doesn't sound nice but really, kids are not supposed to have two sets of baby teeth and this one is pretty much growing straight out and is rubbing on her lip. So, we'll see what they suggest in a couple of days.

Aside from baby and kid news, the weather has been excellent the last few days. I got a huge amount of yard work done this weekend and even talked Jim into mowing the lawn so that was nice. It was great to get out and absorb some natural vitamin D, take in some fresh air and accomplish something!

As far as I'm concerned right now, boring is good!

First Appointment...

Oh, don't get all excited! It was just the nurse/intake appointment. We went over my yucky history, height 5' 3.5"(love when then give me that .5"), weight 129 (hello bloat!), BP 112/74 (even after that weight!), went over what OTC meds are ok, foods, testing, 6 viles of blood and pee in a cup, yadda yadda yadda. Not a bad appointment but it was really weird to be back and talking about pregnancy like nothing is going to go wrong. I felt strange talking about things like appointments after 20 weeks, where we want to deliver. Very odd.

I do have to say that I think I did a pretty good job today. I stayed upbeat for the most part and only choked up a little bit once. I had asked, back in March I suppose, if I could get a couple copies of the last ultrasound that I had after Eli's heart had stopped beating. I know he wasn't alive anymore but he looked totally perfect on the screen. The office told me "no problem you'll just have to come in and sign a release and we'll give them to you." I asked if I could get those today and it seems that after the pathology and autopsy reports were added to my file, the ultrasounds were thrown away. *sigh* It would have been nice to have those.

It does all seem to be going so fast right now. I have an ultrasound scheduled for next week already. I'm not sure how much we'll see at that point since it will be the earliest one I've had so far but with my numbers what they are, I should be able to see something reassuring. My first OB appointment is scheduled for December 5th with Dr. C. He's the one who I saw when I knew Eli had died, was on-call when I delivered and performed the surgery following delivery. He's a nice guy and I really hope that I can stay "cool". I haven't seen him since February.

I know that this is a different pregnancy, a different situation and a different baby. Numbers are great and symptoms are reassuring. Today was another big milestone in that I am now further into this pregnancy than I managed with any of the last 3 losses and there's no reason to believe that something has to go wrong.

Here We Go Again, Again...

So, today has been one of those days. It's pouring down rain, it's been one year, today, since we conceived Eli, did I mention it's also just grey and cold and yucky outside? Also though, Jim had the day off so we had a family day even if it only involved running errands, a napless day, puzzles and board games.

But more than that, it's been a very strange day because suddenly it's full of optimism once again. You see, one of our - make that my - errands, was to stop by the lab once again. "Once again" because I was there on Monday too. As you may recall, last month was our last for trying to add to our family. The meds were messing with my physically and emotionally and I was quite sure that I needed a long break to take care of myself. So, while most people get to jump with joy at the sight of two pink lines on a home pregnancy test, I smile (because let's not forget that in the beginning of our family building, just getting pregnant was a huge battle), and then pray that the other shoe doesn't drop. When most people see the "pregnant" on a digital test they get to let out a "yippee!". I have to remember to breathe. It is what it is. I've been given a different path than most people and I'm ok with it. When I went in on Monday, it was a total comedy of errors but I finally got my hcg beta back around 5:30 in the evening. 1283. That's a great number for 17 dpo but a single number doesn't really tell you much. What you need to look for is that the number increases by at least 60% in 48 hours. See all these things that so many people didn't even know? Ideally, you want to see something closer to it doubling in 48 hours. So, 5:15 this evening rolls around and my doctors office finally calls me back. I answer the phone shaking from the inside out... 2776! I know a lot of people wait until that "all clear" mark of 12 weeks. Well, you know what? That "all clear" mark only holds a 50% success rate for me so that's why I have said something now. When you're faced with it, you realize that you're not guaranteed a live baby after hearing a heartbeat at 7 weeks, or 16 weeks, or 26 weeks or even 40+ weeks. Sad but true.

So, here we go again, again. I do sincerely pray that this is our happily ever after with our rainbow baby and that July 2009 is tons better than July 2008.

It's a Tuesday...

Tuesdays always seem to be full of anticipation for me, and this one is no exception to the rule. Perhaps it's because Tuesday is Karleigh's first school day of the week and then Wednesday is a family day since Jim almost always has it off. Could be. It's nice to get over the Monday's and Tuesday is usually a pretty great, pretty productive day for me.

Productivity today does not seem to include napping children. Just now I could still hear them whispering upstairs and went to check on them. They are both cuddled up in Karleigh's bed. Cute huh!? So, I told them if they can sleep, they can stay together. Once upon a time, less than a year ago, they shared a bedroom. See, I thought I'd get a head start on things and moved them into the same room when we knew that baby #3 was going to be joining us. I didn't want all the changes to come at once and I didn't want anyone to feel displaced so I thought I was doing the right thing by making the change early. I mean I waited until I was past 12 weeks so all is safe right? Well, we know how that story ends. So, eventually we moved everyone back to their own bedrooms but they still like to try to sneak in and sleep with each other.

It is a grey, wet, rainy, raw day today - even by pacific northwest standards so I'm hoping that instead of turning to a lump on the couch with a cup of tea, I actually get some cleaning done. Either that or get another one or two felt donuts done for one of Karleigh's Christmas gifts. Even though most of it is hand sewed, I cheat and use the machine for part of it BUT if the kids are even slightly awake, as soon as they hear the machine, they come running. So, I'll have to see if any sleeping really takes place today.

I've been quiet lately, kind of taking a step back from things. This week is kind of a big one in the whole process. A process which I'm realizing will never be complete. Tomorrow is the one year mark from when we conceived Eli so that's kind of weird. I can remember so much of what we did surrounding preparing for him and the things that we did when I was pregnant with him like it was just last month but on the other hand it feels like it was a total Twilight Zone, other life ago. I'm sure that's to be expected though and it's ok. For now, I'm just trying to breathe and not get ahead of myself while trying to move forward at the same time. Wish me luck!