Zoo and Aquarium visit...

More pictures from our mini-vacation! These are from Pt.Defiance Zoo and Aquarium. My mom and I were just there last year with the kids but my how things can change in a year - for us and for the zoo. Karleigh loves this zoo even though we have a great one (with more animal variety in my opinion) just 45 minutes from our house. However, the view here just cannot be beat and the weather was perfect. The breeze blowing off the water kept it from getting the slightest bit too hot.

The kids were both pretty good this day too, Rylan was acting a bit more 2 1/2 than I would have liked but it ended up being just fine.

We had a great opportunity to see Java, the tiger, this time. He's a cranky old boy, in fact in the words of his handler - who was giving him a snack - "he's a jerk!" So, you'll never see him with the female tiger. He's just never learned how to play well with others. He sure is pretty to look at though! At any rate, here are some more pictures from our zoo visit.

The seahorse is kind of blurry but that's because I didn't want to use my flash and kill the poor guy... really, there's no flash photography in this exhibit.

Tomorrow, we've just promised the kids that we'll do something fun - we need it and it'll be good to help keep my mind off the heavy stuff that I'm sympathetically going through with some people close to me. We have no idea what we're going to do yet. Just as soon as the kids fall asleep we're going to come up with a game plan. Karleigh thinks we just need to go to the park and that today was lots of fun as it was. One of my girlfriends who "lives in my computer" was out here (meaning the west coast) visiting so she came by the house today. It was such a treat to get to visit with her in person since we've 'known' each other for three years now. She is one of the gals who took part in the wonderful gifts for Eli's garden so it was really therapeutic to get to share it with her and have her see it in person. Of course it wasn't in tip-top shape since this year has been a tough one on the plants and it's getting to be fall. We still have some color in the garden but the biggest and brightest stuff has bloomed over and been trimmed down in preparation for next spring!

I do have 2 people who need your prayers. J and M are both looking at big, HUGE changes in their lives... each of them is going through one of the top five most stressful, life changing things. Please pray that they are able to make it through this phase with ease and little stress.

Did the Puyallup!

This is Belle! She was a favorite of the kids at the Puyallup Fair. We visited the fair on Saturday and the kids had a blast! We walked through the animal barns, rode rides, played games, ate fair food and had an overall great time! The kids were both great troopers. We arrived around 11 am and stayed until 5:30 pm. Rylan managed to nap for an hour or so in the stroller so that's when Karleigh got to play some games. Good fun!

The train ride was a huge hit with Rylan. He's still talking about it.

He and daddy even got to visit with a Storm Trooper...

It was fun to watch both kids enjoy the rides together (plus it made picture taking easier!)

The pink carousel was Karleigh's "must ride" ride.

Rylan was totally in his element here. Banging on all sorts of miscellaneous pieces of metal - it was great!

This was the first ride - race cars - I didn't get any good pictures of Rylan on this one since he was totally into honking the horn and driving like a crazy boy!

The last ride of the day for them was an airplane ride. We figured that it would either bit hit or miss, no in between, because this one went faster and higher. Note to self: next year, go ahead and let them ride the bigger, faster rides! They love love loved it - both screaming with joy - which made is a wonderful way to end the day!

Wasn't Ready for THIS...

Karleigh lost her first tooth tonight. She's still 3 and a half months away from turning 5 but it's out. So, she's sleeping right now with her tooth in a little satin pouch under her pillow. She had me write a letter to the tooth fairy - who she assumes looks like Tinkerbell with brown eyes, unlock the screen on her window so that the tooth fairy can get in and turn off her lamp so that she can get to sleeping. The good news is that the next one is already visible and she doesn't seem terribly traumatized by it. I wish I could say the same for me!

We had a great little mini-vacation over the last few days. We headed up to my parents house and took the kids to the Puyallup Fair, Pt. Defiance Zoo and Aquarium and then swung up to Mount St. Helens on our way home on Monday. The kids loved all of it and I have some fun snapshots that I'll share in the next couple of days. I wish that the mountain pics would have turned out better but it looked very hazy and there was just nothing that I could do about that. We haven't had any rain at all in September so that's a big part of the reason. We could also tell that it was really windy up on the summit and some of that haze was just dust and ash blowing around. Anyway, I'll complain about that in a few days down the road.

I did a fairly good job at keeping my mind off of all the "baby issues" while we were gone. Of course within 24 hours of getting home, no fewer than 7 friends and family members either announced their pregnancies or the arrivals of their new little ones. *sigh* I wish that I wasn't picking and choosing, in my head, which ones I'm happy for and which ones illicit a knee-jerk reaction from me of "oh, that's nice...". Dang it. I want to be happy for everyone but I'm still having a hard time with that on occasion. Let me repeat - occasion. Not always. Not every instance. It's still part of this process that I need to work through. I wonder when and if the day will come when I don't feel a pang of jealousy at these announcements. I'm not sure if it will though because it's not just the frustration that I feel at the announcements, it's the frustration that it's seems so easy for some people. That all they have to do is think "hey, let's have a baby" and they do. It doesn't matter if they're financially ready or not. It doesn't matter if they take care of themselves or not and in the end, they walk away with a healthy baby when I was wheeled out with a box.

Eh, it's not a pity party tonight. It's just one of those things. I had a great break from the awareness that is ever present when you're trying to have a baby and it's just like reality was leaving messages on my machine, waiting for me to return home and find them all... metaphorically speaking of course.

Just FYI...

No, I'm not dropping off the face of the earth. We're actually heading to my parents house for the weekend so I won't be able to check in. They have insanely slow dial-up and I'd probably drive myself crazy trying to accomplish anything online so I've decided that I'm just going to take a computer break over the next several days. There are rumors that DSL is making its way closer and closer to their house on the island, so hopefully someday soon! I do hope to be back with some great little pics of what we manage to do while we are there. We have a couple things planned but no promises because I hate not being able to deliver on a promise. Case in point... we were thinking that this little trip might not even happen since Rylan "decided" to wake up at 2:15 am last night? this morning? whatever... and start puking. Poor guy. He managed to catch his breath enough to say "I don't like that at all!" but he was a big boy and managed to make it to the toilet for his next couple. We've been puke free since 2:15 this afternoon, so fingers crossed, prayers said, and knocking on wood, we're good to go!

Yesterday Karleigh and I left the boys at home and I took her across the river to Oregon and finally got the girl a "real" haircut. We did some girl shopping first, then we went and got her hair cut and topped it off with a gelato - 'cause we're fancy like that - while relaxing in the shade of an umbrella next to the fountain. It was actually quite fun and not busy at all since it was mid-day on a Wednesday. Fun! Fun! Anyway, she got her hair cut and she loves it. I only took one photo of her in the "chair" and I still haven't snapped a good "after" shot but I'm sure I'll have lots of snapshots to go through after this weekend and you'll get to see the final result then!

7 Vials of Blood...

Of course I have a familiar song stuck in my head right now, with a minor alteration: 7 vials of blood from my arm, 7 vials of blood, take one down, swish it around, 6 vials of blood from my arm... you know the rest.

So, today I met with a perinatologist. We went over my history, my risk factors and all the things that could possibly be causing the multiple losses. We discussed genetic translocations first but that's not a testing route that I want to go at this point. Reason being, if there IS a translocation, we've beaten it twice and the only way to ensure that we would beat it again is to use a donor egg and that's just not an option that I want to consider. The fact that we have 2 healthy kids shows that it is possible and that fact also "according to the books" puts me at no greater risk for a miscarriage in the future than if I had had none. Dr. A said that it's still one of those things that he has a hard time wrapping his head around so he fully understood if I thought he was full of it with that statement. He seemed very hopeful for us which was nice.

The second point of discussion was uterine abnormality. Although I've had two healthy pregnancies and full term vaginal deliveries it's possible that something could be undetected. Apparently even though I've had two d&c's that it's possible that they missed it during those procedures... but I don't think the shape of my uterus is the issue. A hysterosalpingogram (HSG) would be the way to determine, without a doubt, that everything is fine or not. Dr. A doesn't want to worry about that at this point (which I totally agree with) since we are actively trying this month, which he thinks we should be doing. The other thing that makes me step back from this procedure is that it commonly uses injected iodine and since I have a shellfish sensitivity, this can cause more problems than it would be worth.

The final point of discussion was the different thrombophelias and blood issues. Basically, there is a theory that certain thrombophelias can be responsible for small blood clots which can lead to problems like strokes, blood clots and multiple miscarriages and losses into the second trimester. This is not what causes all miscarriages or even most miscarriages. A 6%-10% occurrence sounds kind of rare but the reality is, it isn't. 6-10% of the population will present with blood tests that would indicate that they are affected but that does not mean that's the cause. If I am shown to have one of these blood disorders along with the multiple losses, then they can diagnose a syndrome. Blood disorders sound kind of scary but the treatment is very simple. The easiest is a single daily baby aspirin which he told me to go ahead and start now. There's not a lot of proof that it helps a ton but there's more proof that it doesn't hurt. The second part of the treatment would be daily lovenox injections, that I would administer to myself, in my tummy. He said skinny people (gotta love him!) like me still have enough tissue for it to not be a problem. That treatment would continue for the entire length of a future pregnancy until 2 days before a scheduled induction. BUT, like I said, that's ONLY if it comes back that I test positive for any of the disorders that they're going to look for.

So, yes, I talked for an hour today with Dr. A, who loves this stuff obviously and walked out with a little bit more hope and a lab order for:
Factor V (five) Leiden
Prothombin Gene Mutation
Antiphospholipid Antibody (Anticardiolipin / Lupus Anticoagulant)
Which in simple terms means 7 vials of blood from my arm!

The results of the panel should be back to the office in about 2 weeks - which is still a great time frame for current endeavors. Bottom line is, knowing that there is or isn't something going on will not change my past, it's not even definitive reason for the losses and it won't give me a guarantee for the future. The number one reason is still stupid chromosomal abnormalities, yes, even in a 16 - 17 weeker like Eli who appeared totally "normal" aside from that no beating heart issue. So, we wait and see what the results are and then go from there.

I wasn't really looking forward to this appointment, not sure why, but it feels very good to have it behind me and to know that I will be armed with much more information for the future. I'm not necessarily hoping to find out one thing over another but I feel good knowing that I've done something. Isn't the saying: the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result? I felt like that's what I was doing, and now I'm not.

Late Summer Fun...

Today was a beautiful pre-fall day! I couldn't justify just hanging out at home today even though the lawn reaaaallly needs to be mowed. So, we ditched our responsibilities around the house today - of course they'll still be here tomorrow - and we headed out to the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge. Considering that it's less than 30 minutes from our driveway, I don't know why we've never been... but we will be going back! The kids were excellent and even set out and walked a 1.5 mile trail with us. We got to see nutria, frogs, turtles, herons, ducks, river otters and all sorts of other waterfowl. It was just great weather, a totally different outing for the kids and a surprise for them since we didn't tell them where we were headed.

We've been trying to make an effort to get all four of us in photos when we go places. We have way too many shots of us looking like single parents!

I love. love. love this picture!

Setting out on the 1.2 mile Kiwa Trail loop...

We found this little guy fishing...

Along the trail, Karleigh pulled out her great impression of Lewis and Clark - actually, she was just excited to see her daddy and brother coming around the bend!

Wildlife refuge, Britney style!

After Rylan enjoyed his little snooze and we moved him back to his car seat, we drove around to the other side of the refuge. This side has the Cathlapotle cedar plankhouse which is a replica of the houses that Lewis and Clark reported seeing during their travels. Kind of cool! Apparently, when visitors called, they would leave their things outside the hole in the wall, which was used as the door, and if they weren't wanted then they were "easy to bonk on the head when they tried to stick their head in..."

Lucky for us, no one bonked us on the head and we were able to go inside and see how the plankhouse was constructed and it smelled so good too! They also had various pelts for the kids to feel, rock tools, arrow heads, spear heads, and cat tail mats and ropes.

I'm pretty sure that the wheel barrows in this photo aren't authentic... actually, they're getting ready to put a cedar plank floor in and they've been working on removing all the gravel that currently makes up the floor. Karleigh was very impressed with the size of this old oak tree. I was too!

To top it off, in order to get to the refuge, you have to cross three sets of very active train tracks. To get to the plankhouse, you get to take a foot bride that crosses over the tracks. Rylan asked if we could wait for a train on the bridge. We had already seen and/or heard 5 trains during the afternoon so we told him that we would try. I would say we waited less than 10 minutes and then we got this look:

Here comes the train!!! Rylan was so excited, the engineer waved out his window as he headed straight under us. Rylan went to bed talking about the big yellow train! (BNSF)

All in all a great day! A little whining (from the kids) about 3/4 of a mile into the "hike" but it was hot by that time of the afternoon. I really could have done without hearing the same IVF commercial no less than 5 times on the radio. It just seems that even when I'm doing something and my mind should be mostly off those matters, they have a way of working in anyway. But if that's my only complaint, I consider this day a total success!!!

We Survived!

We all survived the first day of preschool! I'm not too surprised and it's nice to have that behind us. We asked Karleigh how she wanted to do the first day... just have daddy take her or have all of us take her. She decided that she wanted all of us to take her so that's what we did. She found it kind of hard to sleep last night because she was excited so of course she was a little tired this morning. Jim is a morning guy (so nice!) so he carried her downstairs and let her wake up on the couch for a little bit. The bummer realization was that we were still walking around in a fog this morning when we heard the buses go up our hill... yes buses, plural, at 7:15 am. Now, most of you haven't been here but our hill is fine for one car at a time, it's a little dodgy when you meet someone and now, with the new busing schedule, they managed to have two buses, up the hill at the same time. Bet they'll be changing that up a bit! Anyway. We all got ready, snapped a few pictures, Rylan got buckled in the van with me, Karleigh buckled into the car with daddy and off we went. It was the longest trip to town EVER! Not because I was all emotional or anything like that - today was the first day back for the entire BG School Dist. (ok not the entire district, but for all the schools around us) It took us 35 minutes to go 7 and a half miles. Obviously, the bus driver that we got behind was new. He didn't know his stops and slowed down (from 25 mph max) at every. single. driveway. Jim and I were cars number 2 and 3 of at least 21 behind this bus that we followed all the way into the city limits. After he turned off to continue his route we ended up in the jam of cars and buses all taking their little one's to their first day. Note to self... flowers for the teacher seem to be common around here... almost as common as seeing kids under 12 in the front passengers seat (which is not legal in Washington but who's really paying attention???) Finally we got her to school, buzzed in and she walked right past the two other crying kids, said "bye!" and sat down at circle time. That was easy! Well, it was easy for her, not so easy for Rylan. By the time we got him back out to the van he was bawling. "We need go get Karleigh!" "Karleigh!" We told him that he and I would go pick her up in a couple hours (a time frame he totally doesn't comprehend) but then I suggested that we go shopping to help pass the time today since we were already in town... "shopping!" He composed himself quite quickly but still about every 2 minutes -

"We go get Karleigh?!"

We will, just not yet buddy - hey look! Cows!

"Oh yah, I see cows - Karleigh! Oh... no Karleigh." --- silence--- "Ohh, look an airplane, we go get Karleigh?"

Nope, we're going to go shopping, get gas and then we'll get Karleigh! Followed by as many distractions as possible.

Finally he realized that mommy alone just might be ok. So, since it was early in the morning, we headed to Target to wander around and then went to the mall. He was a total little man, holding my hand most of the time and never running off (well, once...) He got to play in the play area for a little while and then we went and tried on and bought his Halloween costume - that's the one time he took off of course, in full on monkey gear to the front of the store. Of course, no one could resist laughing at and talking to the 2 1/2 year old trying to escape the store looking like a monkey. He's just too cute for his own good some times. I also think that having Karleigh at preschool is going to be great for HIS verbal skills. He took the costume and showed it to EVERYONE at daddy's work and we were good. The nice thing is that first thing in the morning, the mall is generally filled with:

A. old people who love little kids or

B. parents who have just shipped their little ones off their first day of school (phew)

We stopped and looked at the puppies and kitties, got gas, and were back into town early (make a mental note of that) so we went to McD's and got a couple milkshakes, went back to the preschool and waited about 15 minutes until it was 11:30. I went in to get Karleigh and the director met me and said she had a great day etc. etc. but "now she's kind of sad because the daycare kids are eating lunch and since she doesn't have to bring a lunch... blah, blah, blah." I walked in and she was sitting at a table with 3 other kids who ALL had red cheeks. They had started lunch early! I was in the parking lot the whole time. I tried to be nice about it and just said "Oh no, maybe I need to set my clock in the van to the school clocks so we can avoid this in the future." The director then said that sometimes some of the teachers get ahead yadda, yadda, yadda but that frustrated me. Her day would have been perfect if THEY had stayed on schedule or waved me into the building. I was sitting right at the front door just waiting so that I wouldn't interrupt. However, I will now show up closer to 11:15 so she doesn't have to go through that again. Live and learn for all of us I guess. Other than that, she says she had a great time and she wants to go back which is a positive sign. I'm sure she's not scarred for life - I don't remember my first day of school at all so unless we make a big deal about it, she's bound to forget her 5 or 10 minutes of sadness. I won't, but she will.